Cause and Effect
by OveractiveMuse
Summary: Companion piece to Consequences. Edward's POV. Why did Edward leave Bella behind? How did he survive when she disappeared? Rated M for Citrusy Content
1. Prelude

**A/N:Okay everyone- here is the beginning of the long awaited companion piece to _Consequences_. I hope it was worth the wait!**

Prelude to a Party

Spanish truly was the bane of my existence now. It was my only class without Bella. There was nothing to distract me from the trivial minds of the teens surrounding me, brainwashed by the liberal media that constantly fed them a deranged version of the news that they passed off as truth. Not to mention how sexualized everything was, from music to advertisements. These kids rarely thought about something besides sex. I couldn't distract myself in here except to listen to others' thoughts about Bella which was a blessing and a curse. The minds that typically focused on her were the last minds I wanted any insight into. If I looked through Mike Newton's mind, I would be subjected to his almost constant sexual fantasies staring Bella, Jessica, or more often, both. It was more than my turn-of-the-century sensibilities could handle for long periods, even though I had been subjected to the thoughts of others for almost a hundred years. The boy was inventive, I could give him that. He also made me want to pound his face in, which would take no effort at all. I could look through Jessica's mind, but all I would find there was jealousy and scheming. Jessica really wasn't her friend, but she kept Bella close for prestige and to keep Mike from going after his girlfriend's friend. The only mind I could stand being in really was Angela's, who focused on Bella some of the time however her thoughts were increasingly occupied with other things like college and her boyfriend, Ben. I tried to keep from focusing on my siblings, out of respect to them. They had to put up with my 'gift' from the moment they joined our ever-growing family. Alice got the brunt of it though, since her visions were something I couldn't help but focus on. I knew it was important to understand what was going on but sometimes she would attempt to hide them for my own good. Lately she had been keeping me from her thoughts, which concerned me. I hoped to catch her off guard here at school. It rarely happened since she would see it in time to keep from slipping up, but occasionally something would slip past her control. Right now she was translating obnoxious pop songs into other languages, obviously for my benefit.

"Mr. Cullen, would you like to get your head out of the clouds and tell us how to correctly translate this sentence?" my Spanish teacher practically barked out, hoping to catch me off guard for once.

Logically I knew it would be better to get an answer wrong once in a while. It would make us seem less strange, but as I picked the answer she wanted from her head, knowing that it wasn't exactly correct, since I spoke Spanish better than she did, I was unable to force myself to give the wrong answer, or even her version of the right one.

I spoke up with a flawless accent and said, "La definición de locura es hacer la misma cosa repetidamente y esperar un resultado diferente."

She grinned, thinking that she had finally caught a flawless Cullen making a mistake and said, "Mr. Cullen- you are not quite correct. The correct translation would be La definición de locura es hacer lo mismo varias veces y _conseguir_ un resultado diferente."

I smiled sweetly and said, "But doesn't conseguir mean getting, while you requested expecting, which is esperar?"

Her mouth dropped open as she reached for her Spanish-English dictionary. Her eyes narrowed as she realized that she had in fact made the mistake. She vacillated between sending me to the office for no real reason except that I had made her look foolish, and admitting that she had made a mistake to a group of high school students who would eat her alive for it.

She finally decided for former and said, "Mr. Cullen you can discuss your rude behavior with the principal- go to the office now."

I gave a look of shock and confusion, grabbed my things and went to Mr. Greene's office. She had to know from other experiences with my siblings and I that sending us to the office like this was going to just come back and make her look bad, but apparently she wasn't thinking clearly. Too late she remembered a similar incident that our math teacher, Mr. Varner, had with Alice and knew she was going to get raked over the coals for it. I almost felt bad for her and just ditched the rest of Spanish but I knew it would raise more red flags if I didn't go to the office.

The moment the secretary looked up, startled partially because she hadn't heard me enter the room, partially because members of my family were rarely sent to the office, and partially because she was attracted to me more than my other siblings. She took a few seconds to remind herself that I was too young, just as she did every time I walked into the office.

"Mr. Cullen, what do you need?" she asked, giving me a motherly smile.

I responded, "I got sent down from Spanish for giving a right answer- I think."

I could tell that our Principal, Mr. Greene was listening to the conversation from his office, knowing he was going to have to reprimand another teacher because of another "perfect" Cullen. I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

He thought for a few moments until he suddenly realized that if he didn't officially recognize the situation, he could allow it to slip under the rug. He opened up his work email and typed out an excuse to Ms. Cope about having a personal emergency to attend to and that he would be unavailable to deal with student issues unless it was a major infraction. He instructed her to send students to their next class when the period ended. Then he signed it and sent it. Exactly three minutes and 23 seconds later, Ms. Cope opened it and began to read. She chuckled to herself at a sound level she thought I wouldn't hear and then shook her head, knowing exactly what he was doing. Apparently he was easy to predict after working with him for the past eight years.

Ms. Cope had no desire for me to hang around for almost a half hour and so she said, "Mr. Cullen, I'm going to give you a pass to the library. Go read or something. Just don't go back to Spanish. I expect to see your name on the attendance for PE though, young man."

I nodded, smiled and grabbed the offered pass. I now had almost a half hour to go do whatever I wanted to. I knew that she really didn't expect me to head over the library. She just wanted me out of her hair. She was reading a novel and had just reached the best part when I had walked in to the office. She wanted to get back to her reading. I decided to go find the empty choir room, knowing that I could use the piano there in peace. In that moment, it finally struck me. I knew what I was going to do for Bella's birthday. I was going to make a CD for her with all my songs on it, along with some of her favorite classical pieces.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I had a pretty good idea I knew who it would be. I pulled it from my pocket and saw that I had a new text from Alice. I opened it to read, _Glad you finally figured that one out. One less thing to keep from you :)_

I considered responding but I knew that she would see what I was going to say anyway and so I walked to my car, deciding to ditch PE after all. Alice would let Bella know that I wouldn't be in PE today. I needed to get a good start on my present for Bella and I knew that Esme would only be too willing to help me.

Being able to complete a recording session in one take was definitely one of the few advantages of being a member of the undead. The recording only took a test run to adjust levels and then going through each song once, flawlessly. Having Esme at the controls was a help as well. She was able to anticipate what I would need once she grew comfortable simply from hearing me play for decades. The only promise I had to make was to give her a copy of the recording. More than anyone else in our strange little family, Esme loved to hear me play. I agreed gladly, knowing it would make her happy. She could, of course, play these all herself but she felt that it lacked something when she played them. She felt like it was missing something that only I gave each piece. It was one of the many ways she was convinced that we still had souls. The small hopeful part of me began to wonder but the larger pessimistic part of my personality quickly shot it down, knowing that someone who had taken so many lives couldn't possibly be worthy of an eternity.

All I hoped now was that Bella would love her present. I wanted to give her diamonds and other expensive things but I knew that she wouldn't want them. It was frustrating, but in a way it was endearing. It was nice to know that my wealth didn't impress her at all. I knew she would never be that shallow. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to see her. I said goodbye to Esme and rushed off towards her house so I could meet her the moment Alice dropped her off from school.

The moment I lifted the window up, I could smell her. I was now almost easily able to dismiss the scent of her blood as food and associate the scent with love. I got myself through the window with almost no effort and then grabbed her copy of _Dracula_ from the shelf and began to read. I secretly loved this book simply because of how wrong the humans actually had it. It was sad and amusing all at once. My family loved to mock my amusement though and so I never read it around them. I was thankful in some ways that it was completely inaccurate. If it had been accurate, the Volturi would have kept it from ever seeing the light of day.

I heard her truck long before she neared the house. It really was a death trap on wheels. I desperately wanted to get her something newer-safer-but I knew that she loved the hunk of junk too much to part with it. The instant it died though, I was going to replace it with something better. She deserved so much more. I knew that it was the best Charlie could do for her and that was part of the attachment she felt towards the rusted rolling tin can but I wondered if she would notice if I sabotaged it.

The moment the engine died in the driveway, I could hear Bella talking to herself, "-stupid future-seeing pixie and lame ditching-me-s-ssparkly boyfriend. Only I would know that I was going to hurt Jessica and not be able to stop myself. I hate PE. I really really hate PE. Is it everyone's goal to permanently embarrass the clumsy girl?"

That moment she flung open the door, her eyes went wide. She had no idea I had been there. I heard her heart racing in her chest out of shock and surprise. She had not been expecting me. I laughed and met her at the door, wrapping my arms around her.

She scowled at me and I choked back a laugh before I said, "Problems in PE, love?"

She glared at me and went to smack my arm. I grabbed her hand, not wanting her to hurt herself. She realized what she had been about to do to herself and she covered her mouth with her hand. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and held her close.

I murmured quietly into her ear, "Love, I bet I can make you forget all of this."

I backed up to look into her eyes, she glared back at me and said, "Don't you dare try to dazzle me right now."

I grinned like the Cheshire cat and quickly captured her lips with mine. She tried to fight it for a moment before her teenage hormones overrode her annoyance. She started to kiss me back, clinging to me like she would never let go. I grinned into the kiss and reluctantly backed off. She was completely distracted from her annoyance. She tried to pull herself back together but she snuggled against me in defeat seconds later. I wrapped my arms around her and laid down on the bed, with her on top of me. She grinned down at me, trying to be annoyed and failing miserably.

Then she said, "You do know that is just not fair, right?"

I smiled and said, "That's what you do to me all the time, love."

I meant every word of it. She completely disarmed me. Everything about her was so different than what I expected. She usually did the last thing I thought she would. She claimed that I had the ability to dazzle her but the opposite was true. It was a condition I hoped never to recover from.

I tangled my hand in her hair and brought her lips down to mine, loving the warmth and softness against mine, hardly noticing the burn in my throat. She was able to distract me even from my thirst for her enticing blood.

"Bella, we should probably get going on homework. We don't want Charlie to come home and find us like this," I said ruefully.

If I had anything to say about it, I would keep her as close to me as possible all the time. She nodded, kissed me one more time and then slid off of me, almost falling to the floor before I realized that she didn't have her feet underneath her. I picked her up instead and carried her downstairs. I plopped her down on the kitchen counter, stole another kiss, and then sat in one of the chairs at the table.

The moment I heard Charlie's thoughts, I reluctantly dislodged myself from the chair, kissed Bella goodbye and told her that I would see her after dinner. She nodded sadly, reached to pull me against her, and kissed me before saying goodbye. I walked from the house and into the woods just in time for Charlie to not see me as he pulled up to the house. Tonight was a family only night, according to Charlie, so I wouldn't be allowed to see Bella. The fact that I was going to sneak into her room after he went to bed was something he just didn't need to know.

The moment I reached the house, I heard our little mini-general barking orders to the rest of the family as they set up for birthday party the pixie devil was planning for Bella. My whole family was excited about the event. It was the first real birthday any of had celebrated since Emmett was first turned. I knew that she wouldn't want to be the center of attention but I couldn't disappoint my family's chance to have a moment to forget what we really were. I also needed to face the fact that tomorrow my Bella would achieve something I never would- growing another year older.

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The chapters roughly align with the chapters of Consequences once they are numbered.

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	2. Chapter 1 Losing Control

AN: Okay- Now that FF is working again, hopefully I'll get more readers this time :(

I want to say thank you to my amazing betas who work so hard to make this readable. Ladies you are amazing!

Here is the first real chapter!

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Chapter 1- Losing Control

Watching Bella sleep was the best part of my day, second only to when I could look into her expressive brown eyes. In her sleep, was the only time I got a glimpse into her thoughts and I loved being able to get any idea of what was going on in her mind. I could everyone else's thoughts incessantly, but the only mind I truly wanted to hear was silent. I would give up hearing any other voice if I could just see into her mind and hear her thoughts. Tonight was no different. I smiled as I felt her begin to move slightly, reaching the stage of her sleep cycle where she usually started to talk. In a voice so low that only supernatural ears could hear, she sighed out, "I love you-want you-always."

Slowly a new scent started swirling through the air and I could instantly tell what kind of dream my Bella was having. As much as I wanted to be able to give her everything that her heart and body desired, I knew that my strength and venom made that impossible. The only way for that to happen was for her to become one of us. As much as I loved her and wanted her with me always, I could not take her soul and humanity from her. I would not doom my Bella. I knew that someday things would have to change for us, however I was too selfish to walk away from her while she wanted me with her.

Suddenly, I felt her body tense up against mine. I would never be able to admit to her how amazing having her against me felt, and how much I longed for more. At first, I was concerned that I had chilled her and she was tensing from the cold, but just as I was about to get up she turned and grabbed my shirt in her sleep. The only time Bella ever grabbed me in her sleep was when she had a nightmare. My presence seemed to help calm her and allow her to escape any bad dreams that started. I hated that because of me, she had plenty of material to feed those kinds of dreams.

Just then, my Bella started mumbling, "Edward, why? Wanted forever-why?"

I groaned low so that I knew I would not disturb her. She was dreaming of becoming a monster again and was arguing with me even in her sleep to turn her. I knew I was going to have to address this directly, but I desperately did not want to. I knew that I wanted to stay with my love for the rest of her life and then follow her into the next. However, Bella had other ideas. She never ceased to surprise and amaze me, even when it was the last thing she should be wanting. Gently, I brushed my fingertips along her sweet pale cheek, brushing a wayward tendril of hair out of the way in the process. As I pulled my hand away from her face, I smelled her tears in the air and heard Bella move around as she started to wake. Something was seriously wrong with my Bella. She rarely had dreams bad enough to wake her. Bella clutched onto me as her tears started to flow in a steady stream down her face and her eyes started to flutter and blink open, giving me glimpses of her radiant brown eyes that were currently watery from the tears that were yet to fall.

"Bella?" I said urgently, wanting to help her however I could.

Her eyes were still streaming tears as a thoughtful expression passed over her face. Then a flash of recognition and she started quickly gasping in air. I did the only thing I could think of in the moment and started running my fingers lightly across her back in soothing circles. She continued to gasp and sob, so I gently picked up my beautiful Bella and pulled her into my arms, holding her as close and snugly as I could without causing her discomfort. I knew that my presence and scent would be a comfort and so I held her against me, silently pleading for one thought from her head so I would know how to better comfort my angel. Slowly, I could feel her trying to calm her body down and slow her breathing.

She took in a forced slow breath and mumbled into my chest, "I just had a strange nightmare about my gram. I'm alright."

Just as she said the last word, I heard her voice break. I was already fairly certain that her dream was more than a mere nightmare, but her strangled tone told me it was much worse to her than she was ever going to admit. I took in a quick breath and could smell the extra adrenaline that had surged through her system with her well meaning but untrue statement.

I knew she was never going to talk to me on her own, so I gently brushed the hair away from her face and cupped her jaw in my hand. Slowly, I tilted her head up towards me so I could look into her eyes, my only real clues to know what she was really thinking. I saw her fight again to regain control over herself. I looked down at her anxiously, concerned that she had been dreaming about something surrounding the events in Phoenix even though she had mentioned her grandmother. I saw her eyes start to pool again and the mask that she was trying to put up crumble as she choked out my name and threw her arms around me, her sobs wracking through her whole body. I held her gently against me, with just enough pressure that she would find it comforting, always mindful of my strength. I would never get tired of holding her. I wanted to be the only one to comfort her and be there for her. I wished again for the umpteenth time that I was human and would never have to leave her side again. I would do _anything_ to take this kind of sorrow away from my love.

Just as I decided to distract her using my ability to 'dazzle' her, my ears picked up movement in the next room. Bella's tears had caused Charlie to wake from sleep, although I was sure he did not know what had woken him. I bent as close to her ear as I could and whispered Charlie's name with an edge that would get her to quiet down enough that he would hopefully fall back asleep. Bella looked at me with panic for a moment. I knew that if it came down to it, I could get out with enough speed that Charlie would never catch me here, but I wanted to avoid leaving Bella alone even for a few minutes, unless it was absolutely necessary, while she was in this state. I heard Charlie turn over in bed, mumble something about fishing and then fall back into a deep sleep. I relaxed my body around Bella knowing she would feel it even though it still felt like being held by a freezing cold stone. I looked down at my beautiful Bella, hoping that the incident with Charlie had distracted her enough but my hope was short-lived as I saw the tears pooling unfallen in her eyes again. I knew that if I left her alone, it would just make things worse, but I knew that we could not risk disrupting Charlie's sleep again. He was bound to get up if he woke twice in a few minutes. My poor Bella was hurting for some reason. I looked at her wishing with all my frozen dead heart that I could take all her pain away. Therefore, I decided to get Bella out of the house and told her so.

She nodded her head and got dressed, barely holding the floodgate of tears back allowing a few to trickle down her face despite all her effort. The moment she was ready she moved so quickly towards me that I was afraid she was going to hurt herself. I opened my arms and she flew into them and buried her face into my chest. Gently I picked Bella up and jumped from the window, carefully cradling the most precious part of my existence in my arms.

Running was normally one of my favorite things to do, however with Bella sobbing against me while I ran, the joy of the run was lost on me. I could only feel concern for my angel and wishing desperately that I could do anything to take her pain away. I contemplated taking her to our meadow, however I knew we had the house to ourselves, which happened so rarely that I decided to take advantage of it. Almost the moment we walked in the door, Bella's tears stopped as she looked around the room. I smiled slightly to myself and explained that the family was gone hunting. Only Bella would notice things like the family missing when she was this upset. I had a feeling that, had the rest of the family been here, Bella would have hidden it all away. I hoped that since it was just her and I, she would feel no need to hide her emotions, which might give me more of a chance to understand what was going on in that amazing head of hers. After another moment, I decided to run us up to my bedroom where we would both be most comfortable, despite the empty house.

The moment we walked in my room, I sat down on my black couch and pulled Bella into my arms, snuggling her against me. I looked into her eyes, desperately trying to read from her eyes what had caused her to cry so fiercely. The moonlight was beginning to do a number on me. Bella was cast in a faint bluish white glow that made all of her features look divine and completely appealing to my more base instincts. I swiftly shook off my ungentlemanly thoughts and focused on my Bella. She was trying to explain, but every time she finally seemed ready to share her dream with me, she burst into a fresh round of tears.

After a while, she choked out, "Birthdays suck."

I internally groaned. Bella was negatively obsessed with her birthday for some reason. I futilely wished for the 305,128th time that I could read what she was thinking.

I waited for what seemed like forever to me before I gently whispered in the most controlled voice I could muster, "What happened, love?"

Finally, through a fountain of tears she stumbled and gasped out an explanation. She told me about the dream, thinking the older woman in the mirror was her dead grandmother at first, and then realizing that it was actually her. My heart broke a little bit as she spoke, realizing how very little time I honestly had with the love of my life. The most I could probably hope for would be somewhere around seventy years before I would lose her to old age and death. The selfish part of me was screaming louder and louder for me to change her so that we would never be parted, however the more dominant part of my brain chanted like a mantra that I would not doom her to my monstrous fate. I never blamed Carlisle for what I was. I had accepted it. However, I would never make this choice for someone else. I did not want to create another Rosalie, someone who would give up everything, even love, to be human again. Therefore, I continually made the hardest choice of my existence. I watched as the woman I loved separated from me in age a little more every day.

Today she was turning eighteen. An age I would never truly reach but I knew it was for the best. If I changed her, she would end up hating me and her soul would be doomed forever. If I left her human, I would love her for as long as she would allow me to. I hoped that it would be for a very long time, however I knew that it was likely that she would decide that she had had enough of this limited relationship and would move on to someone else. I would watch over her until the day she died, and then I would go to Italy. The idea of ending my life was shocking. It was the first time I seriously considered what I would do when I lost her since the incident with James. I realized immediately that I could not live in a world where she did not exist. There were few things I related to with any of the Shakespearean characters, however, Romeo was right; life without love was impossible.

I looked down gently at the love of my existence, allowing the idea that I could not live without her to sink deeply into me and gently said, "Love, your age will never change the way I feel about you. I cannot take your life from you. I love you too much to make you become a monster."

Her tears came quicker and she started to sob in my arms. I realized too late that it must seem to her that I did not love her enough to keep her forever, but I had no idea how to make her see it was the exact opposite. Words alone would never convince her. Perhaps I could show her how much I loved her and distract her all at once.

I smiled slightly to myself, knowing what was coming. I loved kissing my Bella. I was going to have to put everything I could into it and show her how much I loved her, a task I was more than willing to perform. I started to whisper her name repeatedly with as much comfort as I could infuse in my tone until she relaxed into my arms and looked up at me. The stream of tears had finally stopped for the moment.

I looked at my love and said with all the emotion I could pour into it, "Bella, you know how much I love you, right?"

Bella looked back into my eyes with her warm, sweet, brown pools of expression and I poured every ounce of love and feeling into mine. I could tell that she could feel it and I was having an impact. After a few seconds, she began to recover and formulate an answer. I could see the resolution and fight building in her eyes. I instantaneously realized that she was going to be able to twist my declaration of love into a reason to change her. I internally groaned to myself and decided to use my powers of distraction to my full advantage. I placed my fingers over her lips to silence her mouth. The goal was to make Bella feel better and forget this idea instead of giving her a way to argue it further. I had already planned to kiss Bella. This was going to take more than a normal kiss to keep her away from this train of thought. She was very determined when she wanted to be. I decided for once to show her every bit of emotion I was feeling in a way that we could both handle. I could handle a short make out session with her. I was certain of it. She had to know how much I loved her. I moved my hand away from her mouth, allowed an expression of the decision I had just made to flash across my face, and then hungrily pushed my lips against hers with as much love and adoration as I could put into a kiss without harming her.

I loved kissing Bella. Everything was so warm and soft and pliable and wonderfully alive. As I deepened the kiss, I started to realize that I desperately wanted to show her this; all my emotions laid out bare in this physical act. I could tell by the way Bella was responding that she had gotten the message loud and clear. Normally at this point, I would back off, but I decided that a little more couldn't hurt and so I continued to kiss her. A new feeling began to build inside of me as we kissed. I wasn't quite sure what was going on or that it was entirely coming from me. I pushed it aside and continued to kiss my Bella. After all, today was her birthday. It was a good day to test the boundaries and give her as much as I could handle. Suddenly, something inside me snapped. I wanted her. All of her. The feeling was completely overpowering everything else including my bloodlust. I could tell it was still there, under the surface, but for now, all I really wanted was her body and not her blood. I knew I couldn't have her completely, but I thought I could handle more. I knew this would shock my Bella but I rationalized that it would give us a chance to create broader boundaries for ourselves. Usually, once we had pushed our physical relationship further, we were able to maintain it.

Gently, I picked up my Bella while I continued to kiss her and rotated her so that she was straddling my lap. Then I carefully focused on maintaining control as I wrapped my arm and hand around Bella's back and pulled her against me. I reached around her with my other hand and tangled it into her gorgeous soft hair, pushing her mouth onto mine with a little more pressure. Eventually, Bella started to push away so that she could breathe. She looked at me wide eyed, shocked and thrilled. I let everything I was feeling show on my face. She needed to see how much I loved her and wanted her. I took in a deep breath savoring the scent that was uniquely Bella. However, as part of my brain analyzed the different notes of Bella's scent something came striking forward in my mind. Her scent was different, very different. As I breathed in again, I instantly realized that Bella was aroused and that the smell was due to the liquid that was seeping out of her. She was wet for me. She wanted me so badly that just being pressed up against me, sitting on my lap, kissing me caused that kind of reaction. I gasped the rest of my breath in and despite myself growled as I let the air back out. I moved quickly to start kissing her neck. Suddenly, all I could think about was making Bella's body react to me. I tried to push her sweater out of the way but for some reason the green, coarse mess did not want to get out of my way. I pulled away briefly to consider my options, remembered that she had the tank top she had slept in on underneath, and then shredded the green sweater. If she was mad at me, I could always replace it. With that thought, I enthusiastically went back to Bella's neck to kiss and suck on it. The thought that I was right near her artery passed through my head for a nanosecond, but my other desires almost instantly overwhelmed it. I felt my warm, soft love shiver slightly in my arms and realized that with my skin against her, she was going to get cold rather quickly.

Only after I had made it to the heater and back in top speed, did I realize that at some point I had decided not to stop this intense make out session. Just as I started to pull myself together enough to pull away, I felt Bella's fingertips brushing lightly and torturously across my neck and then down to my chest. I felt her fingers shake as she unbuttoned the top two buttons on my shirt. I decided that for the moment, I was in control and had no problems going further. Bella and I had cuddled together a couple of times minus my shirt, usually because I knew she loved to look at me. I decided that I could handle a little more and so I slipped my hand underneath the hem of her tank top and let myself gently caress the skin of her lower back. Emboldened by my move, Bella made quick work of the rest of the buttons on my shirt. Too late, I realized that the last one might cause some problems. Her hands undid the last button and brushed slowly with blazing heat against my already aroused shaft and I gasped in air, smashing my lips against hers with as much strength as I thought she could handle. I was completely overwhelmed. I had never wanted anyone else this way and to have her hands touch me was more than my body could take. I kissed her wildly, trying to show her how out of control I was. I felt Bella grin slightly into the kiss as she began to push my shirt off my chest. I disentangled myself long enough to take the shirt off, shredding it in the process with my strength, not that Bella noticed. I wrapped my arms around her, kissed her again briefly and then trailed kisses down her jaw and her neck sucking hungrily on her neck. All the sudden, for a moment, my bloodlust threatened to take over. My mouth was open right over the artery in her neck. I was sucking on the skin causing the blood to collect. It took all my strength to keep myself from allowing my teeth to sink into her skin and drink. I suddenly understood why my family tended to bite their mates when they were carried away. I pulled my lips away from her neck slowly and loosened my grasp on her, ready to tell her that we had tempted fate enough in one evening.

I took a moment to compose myself so I could handle breathing in such close proximity to her when Bella burst out a desperate, "No! Don't…"

I looked in her eyes conflicted. I wanted to keep going. I wanted to make her happy and I couldn't even express how badly I wanted her. However, I never wanted to hurt her. She was the love of my existence. My beautiful fragile human Bella.

Just as I was ready to speak, her fingertips traced lightly over my chest leaving trails of fire-like heat burning into me. I was burning again, but unlike the burn I had felt during the turning process, I never wanted this one to stop. Her hands stopped at the waist of my jeans as she stuck two fingers under the waistband she pulled herself up off my lap and crushed her lips into mine. I moaned at the sudden rush of warmth and lust that was attempting to overload my body. I stiffened my muscles, knowing Bella would notice and realize that I needed to stop even though for some reason my lips had not yet left hers.

However, being Bella, never doing what I expected, a mischievous gleam entered her eyes as her hand moved across the waist of my jeans deftly popping the top button open. Her fingers lingered there, so close to where my body desperately wanted them to be. Still kissing her, I looked into her eyes, which I knew were burning with my indecision. Bella's eyes smoldered and looked like melted chocolate swimming with love and want for me. I saw how much she needed me, wanted me. She suddenly broke the kiss slightly to gasp in air, as I realized that she had stopped breathing, again. I loved that I had that effect on her.

I broke the kiss and looked at her, allowing her to catch her breath. The white tank top she was wearing hugged her body like a glove, letting me see every curve. Her bra straps were lacy and dark blue. I could see the outline of the rest of her bra through her shirt. I had never noticed her wear anything like this before. Suddenly, something in my brain clicked. Alice had been blocking her thoughts from me for days now. Alice had suggested the hunting trip, knowing I would not want to leave. Alice had arranged all this, down to the bra Bella was wearing. Alice had a vision, one that she desperately did not want me to see. If Alice had not said a word then, whatever was going to happen tonight was going to be okay. I was going to be able to control myself and not hurt or bite Bella. Bella's fingers were now at the top of my zipper and then were tracing down the edge of the metal teeth and it took every ounce of control I had to not let my hips rock into her hand. The idea of breaking her wrist was the only thing that kept me in check. The feeling of her fingers on the most intimate part of me even through my clothes was almost more than I could handle.

Barely able to control my voice, I growled out, "Bella, you'll be the death of me."

I thought again about stopping, but realized that if Alice had seen me being able to handle it, then everything was going to be all right. Then, with every bit of me trying to remain in control, I looked at my beautiful Bella and went back to kissing her perfect red warm lips.

I pulled Bella against me, wanting her warmth against me. As I did, her hot little hand pressed against me through the fly of my jeans, causing my erection to grow. I knew Bella could feel exactly how she was affecting me. Abruptly, I decided that I wanted to feel more of her against me. I would always want more of her. With my enhanced speed, I pushed my hands up her back, sliding her tank top up with them. I broke our kiss so that I could maneuver the shirt over her head and off her arms, throwing the shirt aside, proud of the fact that I had not torn it to pieces in my haste. Pausing for a moment, I looked down at Bella's chest and torso, the dark sheer lace showing off the gorgeous paleness of her glowing skin. She was perfect and apparently growing impatient as she leaned in, wanting my lips on hers again.

Not wanting to deny her anything, I leaned into her to kiss her again. After a moment, her body relaxed against mine and the feeling of her almost bare torso against mine was overwhelming. My whole body shuddered as I moaned at the feeling of her warm soft skin against my stone cold chest. I wanted her pressed firmly against me so I could feel more of her warmth and softness against me. I slid my hands down her back to wrap my arms around her when my hands seemed to gain a life of their own as they continued down over the top of her jeans and into her back pockets. I cupped my palms under her and pulled her body into mine holding her against me as tight as I could without hurting her. Kissing her with this abandon and the feeling of her bare skin against mine was making it very difficult to control my body. I was overwhelmed with hormones that had not affected me since I was a seventeen-year-old human boy and even then, they were pale in comparison to what I was experiencing in this moment.

The longer her body was against me, the worse it became. I kept kissing her, half listening for my cell phone. Alice would see soon enough if something changed, but I had to be listening. I pushed my lips hungrily against hers and felt her nipples pebble against my chest. My hips thrust into her involuntarily and Bella broke our kiss gasping from my movement. I was about to smile deviously when I realized that for once, I could not tell if her expression was one of shock, pleasure or pain. My mind immediately moved to the worst. What if I had hurt her? My strength was enough to crush her pelvis if I had used enough force with that one movement. With panic evident in my voice, I harshly said my love's name. Bella froze for a moment before a mischievous smile spread over her face and moved slowly to kiss my neck. Bella had never done this before. I loved the feeling of her hot and wet lips tongue and teeth kissing licking nibbling and sucking on my neck. I relaxed and let the feeling overwhelm me. Every inch of my body was reacting to the desire that was building faster and stronger within me. I wanted all of Bella. I wanted to give her the one thing I had never given anyone. I wanted to be inside her I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to–to fuck her.

I never swore, ever. Not even in my mind. The word that had just come through my thoughts shocked me, but at the same time, made my already aroused body react even more violently. I needed her. I had to have her. I could not wait much longer to make her mine. I growled in pleasure, realizing my next course of action. The couch was definitely getting in the way of that. With every ounce of speed I could muster, I carefully wrapped my arms around Bella and moved to the floor with Bella lying on top of me. Bella's eyes moved up to look into mine and they were wide open. I think I had scared her a bit with my quick movement. I looked into her eyes knowing that once I told her how badly I wanted her, there would be no going back.

I took a breath and roughly said through the growl building in my throat, "Bella, I need you. Now."

Her eyes grew wider still. I suddenly wondered if she was ready for this much, this quickly. I wanted to give her a way out. I didn't want to stop, but what she needed was so much more important than my wants. My body was raging out of control for her. I knew consciously that it was a want, however with the intense sensations raging through me, it felt like a need. It was so strong. Strong enough that I could inadvertently hurt her.

With both the idea of the possibility of hurting my love and her not being ready I shakily whispered, "Love, I still don't know if I can control myself. Please tell me to stop. I don't want to but I couldn't bear it if I hurt you."

Bella looked back at me with an expression filled with adoration and lust as she fervently stated, "Edward, I love you. I trust you. I need you. Right. Now."

I looked up at my beautiful Bella. I didn't know what I had done to deserve her, but I was thanking God, stars, and anything else I could think of for my love. I could do this. I would not hurt her. She trusted me; I would do nothing to break that trust. I loved her more than my own life. I was a selfish creature at heart, but in that moment, I realized that she was more important to me than my own happiness, my own survival. She was my perfect mate and we were about to finally express that physically to each other. That thought sent my body back into action and I moved to kiss her again. I traced patterns on her stomach, back and shoulders. I moved down her jaw and neck, planting kisses all the way down to her collarbone. Then I reached behind her and with vampiric speed and dexterity, I unhooked her bra in one movement. Bella started slightly when she realized what I had done. I hesitated for a moment before I put my fingertips on the pale creamy skin at the base of her neck and then at the speed of a funeral dirge, I brushed my fingers down her shoulders and arms, lowering those bits of navy lace trimmed fabric along with my fingers. The heat of her skin was incredible. I could feel my fingertips warming as they stayed against her skin. However, I knew this would cause her skin to cool uncomfortably so I ran my fingers back up her arms, around to the back of her shoulders and then down her back. Once I had her supported, I slowly sat up with her in my arms. As I sat up with her, I could feel the fabric against my skin as her bra fell into our laps. I leaned back and my eyes refused to remain on her face. I looked down and saw perfect mounds of pale skin, which darkened slightly at the center until it formed a peak. One of them was slightly larger than the other but the size difference made no difference to me. She was stunning. Looking at her like that forced me to use every ounce of control that I had not to lose control. Every ounce of me wanted to reach out and knead the soft warm flesh that had captivated me, but I knew she needed me to go slower than that. I lowered my head and kissed the small dent at the base of her neck where her collarbones met. I kissed her over and over slowing moving down her chest, the top of each kiss landing where the bottom of the last one had been making sure I did not miss a sliver of flesh. Every time my lips connected, I could feel her heart beating through her chest and on my lips. The sensation was almost more than I could handle. Finally, I reached the valley between her breasts and slowly, tentatively reached up to brush my fingers on her ribcage just under where I wanted to be. I looked into her eyes, wanting to know that my actions were all right and to see the expression in her eyes when I touched her so intimately. Her face lit up in one of her fantastic smiles and I couldn't help but grin back at her. I slowly moved my fingers up, brushing lightly across the feather soft surface until I reached her peaks. An electrical charge felt like it was coursing through my body from my fingertips the instant that they reached her pebbled flesh. I could tell from her expression and visible stiffening of her muscles that she had experienced the feeling as well.

Unexpectedly, Bella pushed her whole body against mine, threw her arms around my neck and crushed her lips to mine with a strength I didn't know she possessed. The feel of her bare body pressed against mine, caused my firm grip on control to slip slightly and respond with a bit more force than I had intended. My hands roamed her body, feeling every inch of her I could get my hands on. My desire to throw her to the ground, rip the rest of the clothing from her body and plunge in was almost uncontrollable. I growled as I tried to rein my desires in to the point where I wouldn't harm my Bella.

I began to chant silently to myself that I could do this and my hands moved almost of their own accord to the dark blue denim waistband of her jeans. I meant to take the coarse fabric off her quickly, but I was not as under control as I thought and ripped the pants past the point of the zipper due to the amount of force I had used to undo them. I reasoned that they were already ruined and so I quickly shredded them and threw them out of our way. Again, I tried to gain control of myself but before I could, I felt Bella's small hands trace a line of fiery heat down my chest until it reached the top of my jeans. I so badly wanted to feel her remove the clothing from my body, but I knew that the sensation would overwhelm me completely and so I laid back onto the floor, bringing Bella down on top of me.

I grabbed her thighs as gently as I could manage in my present state and forced her to straddle me. I could feel the heat from her core radiating and warming me. Every ounce of me wanted that warmth to surround me. I wanted to be inside her so badly I could taste it. I quickly reached down and pulled up on my jeans with enough forced that they tore quickly away from my body.

Suddenly, Bella froze on top of me. I searched her eyes trying yet again to read her mind, wondering what she might be thinking. When she stayed in that position, I realized that she was rethinking this. I desperately attempted to gain control over my body. I wanted her so badly, but I would never do something that she didn't want. My muscles tensed in response to my body fighting my control over it. I had never felt anything like it before. Controlling these sensations and desires was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

Finally, I shakily asked, "Bella, are we stopping?"

Then in a tone I knew she couldn't hear I said, "God, I hope not. Stopping is going to be almost impossible."

She looked into my eyes. My body and will continued to fight for dominance. I knew which one was stronger and was suddenly thankful that I thought through all my choices with such care. It made me less impulsive which was the exact skill I needed. I wanted her. _God,_ how I wanted her. However, I loved her enough that I didn't have to do something she would regret.

Then slowly a smile spread across her angelic face and she said, "I love you, Edward."

I smiled back at her and prepared to speak when I felt her hot little hands at my waist. I froze in place as she began to push my boxers down my hips. Whatever had made her pause was no longer an issue. My control all but evaporated. I pulled her to me, pulling her hands away from my hips, and pressed my lips to her with some amount of force. I tried to keep myself from hurting her and I hoped I wasn't putting too much pressure on her body.

The mingling of our mouths and tongues grew more frantic and deep. Bella adjusted slightly on top of me and suddenly through the thin pieces of cloth, I was lined up directly with her hot and wet center. I was overwhelmed and then Bella started grinding into me. I almost came in that moment, the friction more than I could take. I moaned loudly at the overwhelming sensation and race to my climax. My body had never experienced someone else's touch in this manner and I was lost to sensation. I wanted more. So much more. I reached down and ripped my boxers from my body, tossing them in the general direction of the rest of my clothing. The lace let her heat and moisture reach my body almost unencumbered. My hips began to buck slightly. I quickly controlled them knowing that one wrong move this close could do permanent damage. Bella reached down, brushing against my erection with her hand as she tried to remove the offending lace barrier. I quickly ripped it away from her body. Before she could fall on top of me, I held her hips away from me so that nothing happened accidently. I whispered her name as I looked into her lust hooded brown orbs and she looked back at me with unspoken intensity. Then she pushed her lips against me. She was mine. She was ready to be claimed. A sound came from my throat, one that I could not identify as a moan or a growl. I fixed my eyes on her face and brought her down onto my shaft, slowly and gently pushing myself inside of her.

The feeling was amazing. It was warm and tight around me. I could feel her body tense above me. I could smell the small amount of blood that was mixing with the other fluids coming from her core. I was so overwhelmed with the feeling that I hardly noticed the blood. Her body began to relax slightly and her eyes met mine. In her eyes, I saw discomfort fade and be replaced with pleasure. I was planning on waiting as long as I could before I started to move. I wanted to make it an enjoyable experience for her and one that lasted long enough that she got the full impact. For once, I was grateful for my mind reading skills. I knew exactly what to do and what to expect. Just as I thought I was back under control, Bella decided to start rocking her hips into mine. Unbidden I loudly whispered, "_Fuck_! Bella that feels so fucking amazing."

I was shocked at myself. I rarely used that kind of language. Ever. Yet here I was, swearing up a storm as I felt her slide up and down on my dick. Her walls kept getting warmer and tighter as she moved. Finally, my body couldn't take it anymore and began moving with her. The sensations doubled. I heard Bella moan and gasp underneath me and took it to be encouragement. I began to meet her hips faster with slightly more force, ever mindful of her frail human body. Suddenly, her walls clamped down on me and then she fell apart on top of me. Her body shaking and pulsing against me. I bucked into her with as much force and speed as I could handle, racing toward my own release. As her body began to slow, my body decided that it was past the point of no return. Two more quick frantic strokes and I exploded inside her. The sensation caused a more intense climax for her.

As the frenzy subsided, I slipped out of her and settled us on our sides, wrapping my arms around her. My eyes looked into hers, full of love. I laid there looking at the love of my life for a while, until I felt her body begin to move in protest. I realized that the floor was hard and unyielding to her little human body. Gently I picked her up from the floor and set her on the couch. Once she was settled, I carefully lowered myself down next to her, wrapping my arms around her body. After a moment, I looked into her beautiful eyes and wondered at how I had been so fortunate to have someone like my Bella in my life.

I saw her eyes begin to droop. I thought sleep was about to take her, so I leaned in and softly said, "I love you, my Bella. Happy Birthday."

* * *

End note:

I wasn't going to write this scene orginally from his point of view but I thought that I would have a few disapointed readers without it, so there it is :)

Okay- I worked my butt of on this for a year and a half- I have yet to get a single review :( Please hit that little review button- please? (I answer all reviews- please?)


	3. Chapter 2 The morning after

**A/N: I want to thank Miranda and Ginny for their amazing beta skills. This would not be readable without them.**

**I have yet to say this so here it is. I do not own Twilight. I wish.**

Chapter 2- The morning after

Bella never truly fell asleep. She laid in my arms for hours in an almost hypnotic state. I encouraged her to close her eyes and rest, but for some unspoken reason she refused. As the colors began to change with the start of a new day, she began to stir in my arms, her heart rate sped up and she stretched her long idle muscles. Then suddenly she was sitting up. It was unexpected and very quick for her. I was curious what had made her shoot up.

When I looked at her, she looked back and anxiously said, "Charlie."

Instantly I understood. Charlie had the habit of checking in on Bella in the mornings after he woke up. If she wasn't there, our activities would be discovered. Charlie was many things, but naïve wasn't one of them. I grinned at her, knowing that getting dressed was going to be difficult. To prove my point, I held up her bra and tank top as my smile grew even larger. Just as I was about to go grab something from Rose or Esme's closet, my phone began to vibrate across my desk.

I looked across the room and on the illuminated display I could see Alice's name distorted by the angle. I told Bella who the caller was with annoyance evident in my voice. I loved my little sister but sometimes her timing was ridiculous. When I answered the phone, Alice spoke so quickly that I could barely keep up. She quickly explained that Charlie was going to wake up early sensing that something was off in the house. If he went into Bella's bedroom and found it empty, I would be chased from his house with a gun pointed in my general direction because apparently I would be too honest with her father. To avoid her vision, Alice said that I would have to dress Bella in a set of clothes she had stored in my closet specifically for the occasion.

I rushed at full speed to my closet and found the items Alice had been talking about. Everything was an acceptable match to the clothing we had destroyed. If Charlie saw the clothing, he wouldn't notice a difference although Bella would. Bella's voice broke my focus and I saw the question clearly on her angelic face.

Just slow enough that Bella could understand I said, "Charlie's waking up early, and is going to check on you. We have to get you back to your house now."

I sadly, but quickly, pulled, pushed and covered Bella with the mix of old and new clothing. Bella took a moment to examine what she was wearing.

Her eyes widened in understanding as she hissed out, "Alice."

As soon as I put on the clothing that Alice had in the bag for me, I ran over to her, laughing, and pulled her into my arms. I wondered why Alice had put clothing in there identical to what I had been wearing. It wasn't like anyone besides the family would see me. Alice had been keeping me out of her head for almost two weeks. I now understood her choice. Had I known before what was going to happen, I would have refused to be alone with Bella. Now I was grateful to her. I was thrilled at the result. I hadn't harmed Bella and now I understood what I had been missing. The teenager in me wanted to forget responsibility, throw her down and ravage her again. I heard Carlisle's voice in my head repeating like a mantra that part of being a Cullen was about being responsible. Her warmth began to seep through my skin, warming my stone skin. Then I felt Bella's eyes looking up at me.

I stopped laughing and said, "I wondered why she had been keeping me out of her head for the last few days. She has been singing constantly in her mind and translating them into other languages."

Translating Britney Spears songs into Arabic had been an unusually effective trick. Alice and Carlisle were the only ones who had mastered the trick of keeping me from their thoughts. I could read the most prominent thoughts in someone's head, but I could not read everything. For Alice reading, singing and translating were her tricks. Carlisle however, relied on memories. His best weapons were intimate memories of himself and Esme. I truly viewed her as a mother figure and so I found their sex life completely disturbing. Of course so was everyone else's sex life in our house. I usually went running when they started those activities. I didn't want to have to 'hear' their thoughts and see the images in my mind that would come with. I was glad that I had something that was much better than running to keep me occupied now.

"Alice is the one who suggested the hunting trip, knowing that I wouldn't want to go due to your birthday. I am sure that they are all having a good laugh at our expense. Especially Emmett," I told her as I looked down at her face.

The fact that I was allowed to have her even though I was a monster was more than amazing to me. I knew we were going to pay for it when my family came back, but now I couldn't bring myself to care about what they would say. Emmett would be the worst. The no-longer-Virginward jokes would seem to never end for a while. What was worse was that even after Rose had gotten him to the point where he no longer said them, he would still think them in his head, usually projecting something with them to get my attention. I heard Bella groan and felt her body warm as a pale pink hue flushed across her skin. I now knew that her blush wasn't limited to her visible body, which made me smile even further.

I ran down the stairs and out of the house. This trip was much better than the first. I stared down at her face as I ran, my senses keeping me from running into anything. I was almost completely focused on her. Usually I put her on my back when we ran, but I didn't want to put her somewhere that I could not see her face at this point. I was completely consumed. All too soon, we arrived at her house. Then and only then did I break eye contact, fling her on my back and fly through the open window.

As soon as we were righted from our flight into her room, Bella began to undress at a speed that was quick for her. However, because of her attempt at speed, she was being very clumsy and taking longer than it should have at a normal pace. I could hear Charlie getting out of his bed and I knew if we didn't have her in bed quickly, we would both be in a lot of trouble. I ran over to her and stripped her clothing, trying to keep myself from focusing on her pale perfect and bare flesh. I got her camisole and cotton sleep pants on her as quickly as possible and then ran for her bed. I threw myself to the floor and slid under her bed. I noticed that Bella was still just standing there.

So I quickly threw out, "Bella get in bed now!"

My words seemed to spur her to action. She moved across the room with almost deafening volume, making me wonder how there was any way Charlie didn't hear the noise she was making. I heard the covers brush against her body as I heard something, presumably Charlie's hand, connect with the doorknob. I heard Bella's heart beating quickly and I hoped that she would prove to be a better liar with Charlie than she was with anyone else. I heard the door open and I stopped breathing.

Charlie's thoughts were the same fuzzy disjointed things I was used to getting from him. I could tell that he was surprised to see her awake and was suspicious at her energy level for this point of the morning. I silently groaned. His brain was already concocting theories, which all centered on me. I heard Bella greet her father with a burst of energy. Charlie went from slightly suspicious to flashing siren suspicious. He thought it was far too early for her to be this wide-awake.

After a moment, he knew he had to say something to her so he stumbled out, "Happy Birthday, Bells."

Charlie's thoughts were concluding a scenario that was a little too close to the truth. He was remembering that he and Renee had lost their virginity to each other on her birthday and was wondering if I had taken it from her.

Just as he was about to bluntly ask Bella, she said, "I woke up a couple minutes ago. I think I am so ready for this day to be over with that I wanted to get it started."

She was joking around with him, which put him at ease somewhat. His thoughts were not gone, but for the moment, he was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

After what seemed like an eternity, Charlie muttered something about being downstairs and then he mercifully closed her door again. I waited until I heard him head down the stairs and used the noise to roll out from under her bed. I stood up and there she was with her back to me, looking radiant in the early morning light. She turned around and smiled at me, almost running into my arms. I could still hear Charlie downstairs wondering, but I attempted to tune his out as much as possible while I held Bella in my arms. I backed into the bed and pulled her down into my lap. I dropped feather light kisses over her as I held her silently. I never wanted to let her go. Bella was completely relaxed against me and seemed to be enjoying the closeness just as much as I was.

Suddenly her stomach grumbled. I couldn't believe I had forgotten that she would need to eat. I had to be better about getting her fed.

I said, "Love, you should really go get something to eat."

I didn't want to let her go, but I knew I needed to get home, face my family and get ready for school. Bella turned her head to the side and frowned at me. I found her kitten-like annoyance adorable. It made me want to kiss her soft, warm lips. I knew though that if I started kissing her I would want much, much more.

Then my Bella murmured, "Nope, I just want to sit here with you."

I laughed at her lightly. I felt the same way but we needed to take care of her.

I smiled down at her and said, "I know, love. I would be happy to sit here all day with you, but you need to eat and I need to go get ready for school. I'll be back the second Charlie leaves."

I loved her more than anything. I would give everything to see her happy. She was more important to me now than anything else ever would be. She looked up at me, smiling, and wrapped her arms tighter around me. I hardly felt the increase in pressure but I was pretty sure that she was putting a lot of force into it.

She hesitantly said, "After last night… well this morning, I don't think I want to ever let you out of my sight again. I know it's silly, but I can hardly stand the idea of you walking away, even for a few minutes."

My ever dramatic but sweet Bella. I honestly had no desire to walk away from her either, but I knew it was necessary. I put the slightest bit pressure into my arms, squeezing her as gently as possible, and grinned down at her. I knew exactly how she felt.

I reluctantly said, "I know, love. I don't want to leave this room either but we need to get ready for school; I can't wear the same thing I did yesterday."

Alice would definitely kill me if I even considered it. The little fashionista hardly ever let us wear the same stitch of clothing twice, let alone two days in a row. I would have a new outfit laying out on my bed ready for me to throw on I was sure. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to wait to come back for her before Charlie left though. I thought about it and I decided to get Alice's help to devise a plan to get her out of the house early.

I leaned in and gently kissed her soft warm lips until the warmth had spread through me thoroughly. Then I placed her on the bed and went to the window swiftly. As I looked back through the open window, Bella's face was back in that almost irresistible and adorable pout. I smiled at her, knowing exactly how she felt for once, even without being able to read her thoughts. I blew her a kiss, wondering slightly where the silly idea had come from for a moment, but didn't care when she rewarded me with a blinding smile, and then I dropped down to the ground, running for my house.

I loved running with Bella, but I had to hold back when I was carrying her. Her body couldn't handle my full speed. As I ran, I took a detour through the meadow. The light was perfect this morning. It was as if nature itself was rejoicing in the amazing day I was having. As I stood there for a moment, a plan suddenly popped into my head. I knew exactly what I was going to do this afternoon. I knew what my present to Bella was going to be. I just hoped that she was ready for it. I knew that she wasn't ready to commit to marriage. Her offhand comments about her mother told me that Bella had been raised with the idea that marrying young was a bad idea. With her parents as an example, I knew I was going to need to ease her into the idea. A promise ring was the perfect compromise. The old-fashioned boy from my human upbringing was screaming loudly in my ears this morning, that I needed to make her mine in every human way possible. I was the boy who wanted to get married once he found love. I was not afraid of the commitment. That had never been my issue. Bella wouldn't want a new ring though. She would worry that I had spent too much money on her. After a moment, my phone rang. I looked down and saw Alice's name on the display. Reluctantly, I flipped it open and hit the answer button.

Shrilly my sister's voice came through the phone, "Edward, that's a brilliant idea. I can already see what she's going to say. I can tell you right now that you are going to use your mother's engagement ring, but I would suggest adding a little something to it. I can see you going to Carter's jewelry and getting the ring engraved instead of going to Spanish today."

I laughed into the phone and said, "Alice, slow down. That sounds like a great plan. I'm sure I would have gotten there in a moment or two and before you say another word, I don't want to know what Bella is going to say. Therefore, when I get home you need to block your thoughts from me please. For once I want to be surprised. I'll be home soon and you can attack me then. Later pixie girl."

I decisively hung up the phone on Alice. I laid down in the grass and replayed the previous evening in my mind over and over again. I wanted to commit every detail of it to memory. The only flaw with this plan is that my body was reacting to it. I felt the blood rush down and my pants tent. The jeans were suddenly incredibly uncomfortable. Today was going to be complete torture. I was bound to be in a constant state of arousal. However, I didn't want to forget an ounce of what had happened last night. As my mind flooded with images of Bella above me, my hands had a mind of their own. As the images played, my hand rubbed my shaft very ineffectively through the rough jean material.

I growled out, "Fuck it!" in frustration, swearing again for the second time in just hours.

Almost instantly, I popped the button on my jeans and lowered the zipper. My hand quickly wrapped around my dick and I started frantically stroking myself. I saw Bella writhing above me looking like a goddess in the moonlight. I took in every detail as my hand moved faster and faster. I was gasping and panting. I remembered her climax and mine and my body reached a frenzy of feeling and I shot a load right into my boxers. I groaned in frustration. By now the family would be home and my activities here would be more than obvious to the other vampires in my house.

I rarely indulged myself in such a way. I was raised to think it was improper. I still felt that way somewhat, however, my body was on overdrive after finally getting to experience what it was like to truly be with Bella. I had no idea how I was going to make it through the school day with her right there with me when the mere memory was more than I could handle without release. She had reduced me to the horny seventeen year-old boy I was pretending to be, instead of the 109-year-old vampire that I really was. Emmett was going to have a field day, especially since I had given him such a hard time the last time Rose had gone on an extended shopping trip with Alice and he had been forced to resolve things on his own.

My scheming was interrupted when my phone buzzed and I read a text from Alice, _Your window is open and unlocked. If you come in through there, no one else will know. You will remember to thank me, Edward._

I laughed and was instantly grateful to the pixie. I was also slightly weirded out that she had now had two visions of my sex life. I was sure she would tell me what she wanted later. I got up, brushed myself off and ran back to the house. As I ran, the thoughts of humans would come in and out when I would get too close to civilization. My mind was not ready for the bombardment of everyone. My family would be a lot to take at the moment.

I walked around to the back of the house and jumped for the open window. I landed with a very soft thud. The thoughts of the others exploded in my head at the sound. Emmett was poised to give me a hard time about losing it finally. Rose registered my arrival, her annoyance at the human scent mixed with sex from the previous evening and then refocused on herself in the mirror as she got ready for her day, which she planned to spend in Seattle shopping. Alice was giving me a hard time and so I deliberately stopped focusing on her. Jasper was amused and happy for me. The scent of Bella all over the house was also beginning to get to him. Abruptly, I heard him get up, slide a window open and then saw him run for the trees, probably to go hunt before school. Carlisle was thinking about Bella and hoping that she hadn't been injured from our activities. He was also thinking again that he was thankful for Bella's influence on me. Esme was thrilled to see me so happy after so long and was considering deep cleaning the carpets in my room and ordering a bed for me-well for Bella. I was in complete agreement on the bed and embarrassed by the cleaning idea.

I loudly said, "Esme, please go ahead and order it. I'm sure you can come up with something suitable."

Laughing Esme thought her response back, "Edward, I will narrow it down and allow you to make the final selection alright?"

I yelled out my agreement and then opened my door, ready to start the new day. On the other side was a bouncy pixie holding a ring box out to me just in time for Esme to see it. Esme gasped and thought exactly what I didn't want anyone assuming: that I was going to propose to Bella. I sighed and said, "Esme, I'm not proposing yet. Just a promise ring. I don't think Bella is ready to get engaged formally yet."

Esme contemplated it for a moment and nodded before giving me a hug and walking downstairs. The rest of the family had of course heard my short statement to Esme and all seemed to approve, except for Rose, who thought I was an idiot as usual, but since it was normal for her, I blew it off.

I opened the box and saw my mother's ring looking back at me. Her face came to the front of my mind. I didn't think about her very often anymore, but I still missed them. My human parents had been wonderful people. I knew they would have loved everything about Bella and would approve of my choice. I envisioned my mother's ring on Bella's little finger and felt a smile spread across my face so wide that it threatened to crack my granite face. Alice suddenly directed a new thought at me about going to talk to Charlie when I ditched Spanish after I dropped off the ring. She also told me that she would ditch her last class to go pick it up for me. It would be back in my safe after school.

I said quietly, knowing she hadn't gone far, "Thanks, Pixie."

Rose picked up on my comment and thought about her annoyance at Alice and my partially silent conversations. While I could have these with anyone, Alice and I had them down to an art. I closed the box and looked at my watch. It had only been twenty minutes since I left Bella's house. I groaned at the slow passage of time.

Alice laughed and said out loud, "Edward, wait ten more minutes. You should have enough time to sit down and read something before running over there. I do see you running and not driving. You are bringing her back here although I don't know why. My visions of Bella are kind of fuzzy this morning for some reason."

I pulled something from Carlisle's extensive library and began to read. I chuckled to myself when I realized that I couldn't even select a book anymore without Bella's influence. I had haphazardly pulled _Mansfield Park_ by Jane Austen from the shelf. I was not usually a Jane Austen fan, however after reading a comic novel called _Jane Bites Back _by Michael Thomas Ford which I found thoroughly entertaining, in addition to Bella's love of all things Jane Austen, it made me want to look at her books through new eyes. It took me six of the required ten minutes to read the book. Suddenly a memory of Bella came back to my crystal clear. It was the day she had decided to go read out on the lawn. She had fallen asleep reading Jane Austen and she began talking in her sleep.

She had murmured, "Edmund… too close."

I wondered now if she was talking about me. Edmund was rather close to Edward and she had since told me her fascination with me was almost as instantaneous as mine had been with her. I was so anxious to get out of this house and back to my Bella. It didn't help that my entire family save one had their thoughts centered on the ring that I carried in my backpack today. The only one who had moved on and forgotten all about it was Rose who was staring into a mirror, worried about herself as usual.

Just as I was about to leave the house two minutes sooner than Alice had told me, I heard her voice calling my name through her thoughts. I groaned and said, "What, Alice? Two minutes is not going to change anything. I want to get out of here."

Alice laughed and smugly replied, "Edward, you need to leave the ring here. It will work out better. Trust me."

I walked upstairs, forcing myself to move at human pace. I put the ring back in the small fireproof vault in my closet, which held my mother's jewelry, my journals, preserved pictures of my human parents, other random keepsakes and a small lemonade bottle cap from a memorable lunch last year. I smiled as I remembered that day. Bella had been so different from any other girl I had met, even then. I wondered how different things would have been if I had known then what I knew now. I would spend the rest of her life loving her and when she was gone, I would go too. Human lives were really so short. A fleeting amount of time to exist and then they were gone for good. The idea of turning her was never more tempting. However, I knew that she would resent this unnatural prolonged life as most of us did. She was the only good thing to show up in all my solitary years. I would not condemn her to my fate.

With my resolution firm in my head again, I looked down at my watch and saw the last second I had to wait tick by. I then ran for the door, grabbing my bag and jacket on the way out.

As I ran through the woods, all I could focus on was getting to Bella as quickly as I could. I did everything I could to focus on her face, not wanting a repeat of the incident earlier this morning. When I finally reached the door, which seemed like an eternity later even though it was only a few moments, and looked in I saw Bella looking at a camera intently. I then noticed Charlie's thoughts of happiness that she seemed to like her birthday gift. I was amused and glad that Alice had told Rose and Emmett not to get her a camera for her birthday.

I reached up and knocked on the door politely. Almost instantly, Charlie's thoughts morphed into annoyance, guessing it was me at the door. Bella looked up and her face lit up with excitement at the sight of me. Bella moved to the door quickly, yanked it open roughly and then bound into my eager and waiting arms. The moment her body rammed into mine a feeling of completion, that I only got when I was holding her, filled me. I could hear Charlie's annoyance level rising with every second that I continued to hang onto his daughter so closely.

I leaned in and whispered, "Happy Birthday, love."

She blushed slightly and gave me a smile that dazzled me to the point where I forgot about Charlie. His thoughts loudly broke through my Bella induced haze, as I heard him threaten to pull us apart if necessary.

Charlie cleared his throat loudly. Bella reluctantly released her hold on me, keeping my cold hand in her warm one.

With as much warmth and openness as I was capable of I said, "Good morning, Charlie."

Charlie's nod was the only outward response I got, however, his thoughts were much more colorful, mostly focused on how it was a good morning until I had shown up at the door. His animosity towards me was understandable, considering the injuries Bella had sustained over spring break last school year. I never would forgive myself for putting her in a situation that could have gone so horribly wrong. I would not fail in protecting her again. Charlie began to walk away but I placed my hand on his well-insulated shoulder and said, "Charlie, would it be alright with you if Bella came over this evening? My family wants to have a birthday party for her."

At first Charlie was looking for a reason to keep Bella from coming over, but then Bella almost inaudibly said," No!" and started shaking her head at her father.

When he realized that she didn't want to go over for a party in her honor, he relaxed and grinned at his daughter while he said, "Nah, I'll just be watching the ball game anyway. Bells, if they are doing something fun over at the Cullen's for you, you should go."

I told Charlie, "Charlie, I have a science project to finish up and need to leave early. We'll see you later."

Thrilled that I had Bella to myself for the evening, I laughed at her annoyance over the whole thing. It took everything I could not to laugh aloud when she called her father a traitor. It was like watching an angry kitten. You couldn't take it seriously because it was just too cute. I shook my head at my use of the word cute in any way and took Bella's hand, leading her out the door with me.

As we reached the end of the drive, Bella stopped and looked up at me with curiosity. I did have a plan but I wasn't about to share it with her. I wasn't sure if she was up for a repeat performance of our late night activities, but I was going to try. I had never truly understood why the couples in my family were so incredibly sexually active, but now I got it and was determined to make up for lost time. It was amazing to be able to be so close with someone. I was quickly turning into an addict and couldn't find it in myself to care.

When I arrived at the house, after putting Bella on the ground, I realized that the family was all still there even though my 'siblings' should have left by now. As I listened to their thoughts, I found that they were waiting for us but almost ready to give up and go on their own, which suited me just fine. Carlisle and Esme were unfortunately delaying their shopping trip however, wanting to speak to me on their own. Instead of the house, I decided to run to a clearing nearby. It wasn't our meadow but it would do for the moment. I turned to Bella and saw that she was headed to the house. I didn't want her to catch their attention and so I gently spun her to face me and kissed her thoroughly. Almost instantly, my body was responding to the contact wanting to take things much further. My teenage boy hormones were raging now that they had been fully satisfied once. I could feel her heartbeat begin to alter and I reluctantly pulled back allowing her to gasp in the air she needed. I looked down at her and said, "Bella, do have any idea how much I truly love you?"

I did love her more than anything else in this bleak existence. She made my world bearable. Her face lit up and slowly bloomed into a radiant smile. I looked back at her like she was the only other person on the planet. Instantly I picked her up, wrapped her legs around my waist and started running with her. This position allowed me to kiss her while we ran, which I did eagerly.

By the time we reached the clearing, every inch of me was craving her. I put her down and before I decided on how to proceed, Bella threw her arms around me and kissed me with every bit of strength her little human body possessed. I gasped at her choice. She was never this aggressive with me. She must have been craving me as badly as I was craving her. Just as I was about to lower her into the soft grass under our feet, Alice's thoughts screamed at me to stop. She deliberately stepped on a small fallen branch in the distance to cause it to snap. Then she ran until she was in sight, skipping into the actual clearing so it would look like she was arriving accidentally.

Bella broke our kiss and turned towards my sister. At a level that only Alice could hear I said, "You better have a good reason little girl, or you're going to have one very angry brother to deal with."

In her mind, Alice replied that Charlie would be over here by mid-morning if Bella and I both didn't show up at school. She showed me a very unpleasant exchange between Esme and Charlie which would result in Esme finding Bella and I ,lecturing us both and dropping us off at school. Bella would not be able to keep the truth from Charlie and he would try to keep me from Bella. Events became hazy from there, but it was enough to force me to go to school.

Alice spoke up and said, "Ok, lovebirds, we need to get to school and if you two start that up again there is no way we are going to see a classroom until this afternoon, if ever."

I loved Alice, she and I were the freaks of the vampire freak show and understood each other better than the rest in some ways but she still drove me insane some of the time.

I rolled my eyes at the evil future seeing, cock blocking sister of mine and said, "Alice, I don't understand how someone so small could be-"

The two girls interrupted me in unison, "-so hugely irritating."

The two started laughing and I was mildly annoyed at the idea that they found me so predictable. I wasn't going to say quite that anyway. I was going to say that I found her extremely annoying, of course, it amounted to the same thing but still, I wasn't that predictable. Then Bella stretched up and put her soft lips against mine and all thoughts of annoyance flew out the window, until Alice called my name again. I begrudgingly broke our kiss, cradled Bella in my arms and ran back towards the mansion. I could already hear Jasper's annoyance at me mentally for making everyone have to rush.

Jasper's annoyance only grew when she found out that Alice was intent on riding in the Volvo with Bella and I. Jasper had wanted to spend some time alone with Alice. Alice was concerned that I would try to ditch school anyway. I couldn't deny that the thought had crossed my mind. Well, ditching more than Spanish anyway, since I was already planning on missing that class.

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I know Jasper has a bit of attitude in this chapter but I think it's just that he's thirsty ;)

Quick housekeeping details: This story is already completed. I think you can read it without tackling Consequences first but I think it will lack some of the depth it could have.

Please review? The lack of love is making me sad :( (thank you to those of you who did review though. I really appreciate it!)


	4. Chapter 3 Promises, Promises

Okay, I'm sorry this took so long but right now I'm working on my Master's, changing jobs and trying to finish out the school year with my students. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. The good news is that in two weeks I belong to fanfiction for the summer ;)

Again, Twilight is not mine- the original bits however are! Don't steal from me!

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**Chapter 3- Promises, Promises**

When we arrived in English, Mr. Banner turned out the lights and had us watch the modern version of _Romeo and Juliet_. I groaned. Darkness out would not help me keep my hands off Bella. The moment the lights went down, the electric flow that had happened that first movie day in Biology immediately sparked between us. Bella looked at me, wide eyed. As subtly and silently as possible, I moved my chair closer to her. I then reached under the desk to thread my fingers through hers. In moments, we were rubbing each other's hands frantically. My hand was moving to touch her thigh at the same time when I heard giggling.

The whole class was staring in our direction. I was so consumed that I had blocked out everyone's thoughts again. This was the first time in my life I had been able to get so distracted that I could ignore my gift. It almost took me ten more awkward seconds to pick out that Banner had called on me and was smugly waiting for a perfect Cullen to finally get something wrong in his class.

I composed myself, let go of Bella's hand and recited verbatim what Romeo had said in the previous scene. Banner was completely flustered and floored. I tried to keep a pleasant but blank expression on my face while he attempted to recover and once again think that there was something very off about my siblings and I.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Banner flipped the lights back on and the bell rang. I escorted Bella to her second class, kissed her thoroughly until we were yelled at for it, and then walked out of the building to my car. Unfortunately, just as I was about to start my car, I heard the very angry thoughts of the school principal who was stomping towards me. I sighed and knew that if I drove off, I would be in even more trouble than I already was. I quickly pulled out my phone and called Esme. Before he could reach my window, I explained what I needed from her and she agreed happily. Esme would agree to anything that would contribute to my happiness with Bella. Even though I couldn't read her thoughts through the phone, I was fairly certain they were centered on how glad she was that I had finally found someone and our family was going to be complete. They were still all convinced that Alice's vision of Bella as a vampire was going to happen.

Principal Greene knocked on my window impatiently with a scowl that would intimidate most students. In fact, he was bothered by the idea that his look had no effect on the Cullen kids. I wanted to smirk at the remark but I knew it would cause me even more issues.

I slowly lowered my window and said, "Can I help you, sir?"

The _sir _was a bit over the top, but I knew he would be softened by the show of respect. He was taken aback by my wording since I had stolen it from his head directly. He was thinking that I had better treat him with respect or I was going to spend the rest of the year doing detention. I had no intention of that so I made sure to please the man, which was more than simple given my skills.

"Mr. Cullen, where do you think you are going when you should be in class?" he barked out gruffly.

I looked at him, motioned toward my phone and said, "Mr. Greene, I am sorry but my mother just called and needed me to come pick her up because her car died. I know I should have checked out; however I am in a hurry to get to her so she isn't stuck by the side of the road all alone."

For a moment, he believed me, but then his eyes narrowed and doubt started to creep in. I had expected as much. He was fairly good at his job and knew when he was being fed a line.

Before he had a chance to speak I continued, "Mr. Greene, my mother is on the phone if you would care to speak to her."

He thought for a moment and then nodded sharply. I carefully handed him my cell phone and he reluctantly put it to his ear, not wanting to believe me yet.

From the other end of the line, I heard Esme say, "Edward, are you still there?"

Mr. Greene suddenly realized that I had been telling the truth but that he needed to speak to her so I would not try to abuse the situation again.

He took in a deep breath and said, "Mrs. Cullen, this is Principal Greene. I am out here in the parking lot with Edward who has been telling me that you are in need of his assistance."

Esme sighed loudly and said, "Yes, I told him to go to the office, but he didn't want to make me wait. He worries about me more than the other children do. After the death of his biological mother, well, he does tend to be overly concerned about my well-being."

The principal gulped and said, "I was not aware of that. I will allow him to go today, however please remind him that it is important for him to check out with the office when he needs to leave school."

Esme said with a tone that anyone would take seriously, "I will do just that. I am sorry for the inconvenience."

The principal handed the phone back to me and said, "Go, Mr. Cullen. I will take care of it in the office. From now on, take the few seconds to check out. This took up more of your time than checking out ever would have."

I nodded, rolled up my window before he could continue the lecture he had planned, and rushed out of the parking lot. Just before I got out of range, I heard Greene's thoughts on the fact that it was refreshing to see a youth so concerned about his parents. I laughed and drove to the closest place I could find that bordered the forest, parked my car and started running once I hit the tree line.

By the time I finished running home, being interrogated by Esme, getting to the jewelry store, explaining what I wanted engraved on the ring, running to the police station for an awkward conversation with Charlie, running back to my car and pulling into the parking lot, I only had seconds before Bella's class would let out. I rushed into the building as quickly as I could, but had nothing to worry about as I saw Bella stuck in a room with Mr. Varner who was lecturing her about sleeping in class. Apparently, my Bella was slightly tired from the previous evening. I started to laugh until I caught Varner's thoughts. Most teachers had the occasional inappropriate thought about a student or two but nothing that was worth worrying about. However, the moment Bella bent over to grab her book from the floor after she dropped it, Varner's thoughts went wild. Suddenly Varner was filled with thoughts of shutting the blinds, locking the door, ripping her shirt open and taking her right there. Bella blushed as she stood and Varner actually twitched before he controlled himself. As she turned to grab her backpack, he thought about plunging himself into her ass as hard as he could until they both came, Bella screaming his name.

I was frozen in place. I had never heard thoughts of this intensity come from him before. Apparently having her alone was allowing him to take his fantasies further. I knew he found her attractive but in class, he always stopped himself, especially if he felt my eyes on him. When he handed her the detention slip he ran his index finger over hers quickly, savoring the feel of her skin. It took every ounce of me not to break down the door and kill him on the spot. Just as I was about to walk into the room, he looked out and saw my unguarded expression. Instantly his thoughts went where I did not want them. Varner was thinking that it looked like I could read his mind and that I knew exactly what he was thinking. Then he pushed that off as impossible and wondered if his expression had given something away. Satisfied with that idea, he attempted to conceal his raging erection and put on a face that he thought was more professional. He hurried Bella from the room placing his hand low on the center of her back. I had him and I knew it. I would be in detention with Bella today or he would be meeting with Mr. Greene. I glared at him until Bella looked at me. I quickly wrapped my arm around her, pulled her into my side and walked away from the room.

Bella looked up at me and said, "What's wrong, love?"

I shook my head and said, "I'll tell you later, Bella. We have to get to class."

I smiled down at her and squeezed her slightly before continuing to navigate the crowded halls.

Physics was beyond boring and simple as usual. We were working on a chance and probability experiment. I decided to mess with our results slightly to alleviate my boredom.

I leaned over to Bella and whispered, "Watch this, love."

I grinned at her, then aimed carefully, and precisely dropped the pencil so that it hit the exact same spot on the piece of notebook paper that served as a target every time. Our teacher was mystified, the other students were annoyed, and my reward was watching Bella try not to laugh and fail miserably. The icing on the cake was Mike Newton's bitter thought that only a perfect Cullen would be able to hit that precisely and watch the jealousy slowly eat him up again. To distract himself from the depressing thought, he promptly began coming up with sexual fantasies staring my girlfriend. I groaned so quietly that no one heard me; none of the human males in Forks seemed to be able to control their thoughts around Bella and it was a relentless test on my ability to not kill the fragile human men around me.

The moment that class ended Bella said, "I have to get to detention, Edward. I'll see you after lunch."

She strained forward and I gladly bent down and met her pouty full lips. Kissing her for very long was going to make me want more and so I reluctantly stopped it much sooner than normal. Bella looked disappointed for a moment but she seemed to understand because she smiled at me, winked and ran her hand down my neck with the lightest and softest touch. Instantly my body reacted and I adjusted slightly so that no one would notice my growing erection.

Bella glanced down, smiled knowingly again and said huskily, "I'll see you later, love."

Then Bella actually sauntered down the hall until she ran into Mike Newton who was thrilled at her clumsy moment. I was now ready to pound Newton at the instant filth that spewed from his mind.

I tried to gain control mentally, until Alice came up next to me thoroughly annoyed and said, "Control yourself, Romeo. You need to go get Bella's lunch and get back into that classroom. There is a slight chance that something bad might happen if you aren't in there."

Alice was trying to keep her vision from me with everything she had. I looked down at her and asked, "Varner, right?"

Tight lipped and serious, Alice nodded slowly. I moved as fast as I could to the lunch line, grabbed what I thought might be appealing to Bella and moved for the classroom. As I arrived, Varner was finishing turning the blinds closed and had his fingers on the lock, twitching, trying to decide if locking it was a good plan while Bella was distracted getting things out of her bag. I pushed the door open and Varner looked at me aloofly as a ton of emotions ran through him, first anger, then fear, then adrenaline and then purpose. He was going to try to get rid of me as fast as possible and then go after Bella. He had decided that he might never get the chance again. He was not going to have the chance today.

Before he could say a word I said, "Mr. Varner, I brought Bella's lunch."

He crossed his arms and said, "Leave it with her, Cullen, and go."

I put it on the desk where Bella was sitting, smiled at her and then turned to face him again. I forcefully walked over to the man and then in a voice I knew wouldn't carry across the room said, "Varner, I am staying in here with her. I saw you earlier when you were giving Bella detention. I saw you close the blinds when I came up. I saw you hand on the lock. I'm staying or I'll be headed straight for Greene's office."

I smiled at him pleasantly and watched the man panic. Then I said in a normal voice, "Mr. Varner, today is Bella's birthday. Would you mind terribly if I stayed in here with her?"

He shook his head and collapsed feebly into his chair. I was going to have to tell Bella later, but I didn't want to cause problems or stress her on her birthday. As I was about to turn my attention away from Varner, I heard a thought that stopped me in my tracks. Varner was desperately grateful that things were not any worse. He was thinking that he was glad this wasn't Phoenix all over again. After the ugly incident with Katie at Horizon two years ago, he had sworn never to act out his desires for a student. I was floored. Bella would have been a freshman back then. She would have heard about the incident at least since she had attended Horizon before moving to Forks.

I sat down next to Bella as she quietly ate and worked. While she struggled through her math assignment, I pulled out my netbook from my bag, connected to the internet and researched the case. By the end of the lunch period, I had enough information to put Varner in jail for good. He had disappeared while on bail in Phoenix and so his trial had never happened. He was wanted for fleeing and would serve some jail time. I hacked into the school's system, sent the information to the printer in the front office, including a full picture of Varner and mentally heard it when Principal Greene found the information. By the time I had escorted Bella to Economics and we were situated, Greene was on the phone with the Phoenix police department.

Economics was a waste of time. The class was exceedingly simple and I used my energy to monitor the Varner situation. By the time class was over Principal Greene had faxed a yearbook photograph from this year to the Phoenix police who immediately confirmed that Varner was in fact Anthony Saliari and they were advising him to go to the classroom until the Forks police could be contacted.

By the time I dropped Bella off at her creative writing class with Mr. Banner and was sitting down in Varner's room for Calculus, Mr. Greene was already in the back of the room with paper and a pen out taking copious notes. Varner stood at the front looking nervous, only losing the expression once to glare at me harshly. I smiled back at him, knowing what was coming.

In frustration, Varner called on me five times during class hoping to catch me off guard and embarrass me. He finally stopped when Mr. Greene harshly reminded him that there were other students in the classroom. I looked at the principal with the false gratitude I knew he was expecting and then wrote a quick note explaining that I had seen Varner at lunch in here with Bella Swan, with the blinds closed and his hand on the door lock. I also explained that I stayed in the room because I was uncomfortable. Greene looked at me and actually turned the color of his last name before thinking that he was grateful I had been here to protect Bella.

I took slightly longer than normal to pack up my bag to hear Greene tell Varner to meet him in his office but that he had something to attend to first.

The moment Varner was out of the room Greene spun on me and said, "Cullen, did you send me the information earlier today?"

I feigned innocence and said, "What information sir? The only information I've given you is the note I passed to you."

Greene wasn't sure that he believed me but after doubting my word once today and finding out that he was wrong he wasn't keen on reliving the experience and let it go. Then I walked from the room to find Bella waiting outside for me with Alice.

The moment I got out on the gym floor, I found a spot and looked eagerly at the girls' locker room door waiting for my angel to appear. Alice came out and taunted me with the thought that Bella was taking forever to dress out because she was stiff and sore from last night. Then she told me she had already picked up the ring because she had a vision of someone bleeding in her physics class. Then she thought that engraving, _you are my life,_ on the ring was excessively adorable. I stuck my tongue out at my sister and then turned my eyes back towards the door just in time to see them open and Bella slip through. I smiled for a moment until I realized that the spots I was seeing were not some trick of the light. I felt my eyes bulge as I took in the darkening hand-shaped marks all over her body. I quickly got off the floor and moved over to her. When I reached her, I saw that the bruising process had just begun. She was going to look much worse before she got better.

Then I heard her angelic voice reach me, "Edward, what's wrong?"

I couldn't believe she had no clue that she was covered in bruises from head to toe. Only Bella could be so oblivious.

Then I barked out harsher than I had intended, "Bella, did you look in a mirror before you walked out here?"

Bella looked back at me with confusion and shook her head slowly. I knew what had caused the bruising. I couldn't believe I had hurt her. I was far too dangerous to be around her. I was going to kill her if I kept taking these kinds of risks with her fragile human body. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She was everything to me. Bella continued to look up at me and so I found words.

I said, "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did this to you. You're covered in bruises, love. I- "

I was unable to speak further. Suddenly images of Bella broken and bruised further from my desire for satisfaction filled my mind and I was disgusted at myself with my lack of control. I really was no better than Varner. My feeling grew exponentially when a panicked look spread across Bella's face. She finally was realizing how dangerous I truly was for her and she was going to end it here and now. I deserved much worse and so even though my heart would break I would go willingly.

She took my head in her hands as she called my name. I responded. She pulled my head up until she could look in my eyes. I saw such love shining in them. Love I could never deserve. I was a monster. The bruises on her body proved that to me.

With deep emotion she carefully said, "Love, please, please, please don't stress about this. I bruise very easily. Usually once a bruise shows up, I have forgotten where it came from. Don't blame yourself. Considering it was our very first time, I think we did exceptionally well. I would not trade last night for anything in the world and although I am a bit stiff and sore from the um-exercise, it feels like I spent an hour at the gym. Edward, really I'm fine. Last night was the best night of my life."

I desperately wanted to believe her, but I knew she considered everyone else before herself. She would never tell me if I had severely injured her accidently, or she would at least attempt to downplay it if it was unavoidable, like now. However, she said it was the best night of her life and that statement seemed slightly off for someone who must have been injured by the activity.

Just as I was about to respond, the PE coach decided that it was time to start class. Bella sat in front of me and then leaned into me using me as a makeshift chair. I decided that I could handle wrapping my arms around her without causing her further injury if I was careful and so I gently surrounded her careful to avoid any of the developing blue and purple blotches on her skin. Ever surprising me, Bella turned, rolled her eyes at me and used my arms to increase the pressure. I allowed her to, figuring that she would not do anything that would cause her more pain and did not move at all once she released the tension on my arms. I could feel her muscles stiffen under me and I was fairly certain that she was agitated with me for some reason that I couldn't fathom.

Of course, today would start the one unit where I had no choice but to hold Bella. Normally, I would have loved the idea of dancing with Bella through the gym, but today I knew that touching her could cause more injury than there already was. After careful calculation, I was able to find places to put my hands that looked relatively normal and started guiding her gently across the floor. I looked down at her and couldn't believe that she hadn't gone running, screaming at me to leave her alone. She looked up at me and I saw warmth, love and care coming from her eyes for a moment until she put her arms around my neck and nestled into my chest. I was overwhelmed at her capacity to love someone like me. I let her stay there, moving her around the floor with grace and ease, until the PE coach started to notice how close we were. He seemed to laugh to himself and mentally decide that it would look a little too cozy for Principal Greene. He moved towards us slightly before I had us in a more formal stance. I had confused him completely. He had no idea why I had changed positions. Bella looked up at me with curiosity evident on her face. I was amused in spite of everything that was happening today.

Once Coach Clapp's eyes were momentarily drawn to Mike and Jessica I softly said, "Coach Clapp is thinking about coming over here and separating us, apparently we look like we are having too much fun."

Bella let out a small giggle and Clapp's eyes went back and forth between the two of us, Mike and Jessica. He had decided that both pairs looked a little too comfortable and he was going to switch things up. Mike was already having a hard time keeping his focus on Jessica and not imagining Bella in his arms instead and here Clapp was going to give him exactly what he wanted.

In frustration I said, "Well now you've done it, love, he's coming over here to switch our partners."

Coach Clapp told Jessica and Mike to stop and separate. At first, they both were completely frustrated, but the moment they both realized that he was splitting Bella and I apart as well their mood rebounded. Mike particularly was thrilled at the chance to show Bella how a "real" man danced. His thoughts would have been upsetting if they weren't so comical. I did everything I could to stay out of Jessica's head. Her thoughts were usually blatantly sexual if she came anywhere near me. I focused in on Mike instead since his eyes were looking at Bella.

However soon his daydreams were worse than Jessica's. They started out on the more innocent side. At first, he was just curious how it would feel to kiss Bella. I smugly reminded myself that he would never get the chance to experience that feeling. Then things progressed. He began to imagine Bella naked and his imagination combined with my own recent and vivid memories were doing a number on me until I was interrupted by Jessica's thoughts screaming at me in triumph when she realized that I was physically responding to what she thought was her. However, that thought was enough to curb my body's response. Then Mike began envisioning himself having sex with Bella. His heart began to race and he became even more awkward moving Bella across the dance floor. I was barely able to keep myself quiet and allowed a scowl to show on my face. Then Mike imagined taking her to a school dance. He planned to get her drunk by slipping Everclear into her punch until she was barely conscious, taking her somewhere secluded and taking her roughly.

I growled at his disgustingly vile thoughts and he spun wildly to look at me, which tripped him up causing both of them to go falling to the floor. The Coach's eyes were on us the whole time and so I had to watch helplessly as Bella fell and hit her head on Mike's boot. I immediately let go of Jessica who lost her balance and almost fell to the floor as well. I regretted that but I had to get to Bella. I gave Mike a preditorial glare, which caused him to back off and away from Bella completely so I could check Bella out. I could already see the knot forming just inside her hairline, which was too close to her temple for my comfort. I carefully helped her from the floor and was happy to see that she wasn't dizzy when she moved.

I leaned in and gently kissed the spot where her head was hurt and said, "Bella, I think we need to get you to Carlisle to make sure you're ok, love."

Bella looked up at me and from her expression alone, I could tell that she was less than thrilled with the idea. However, I didn't want her to have a concussion and not know it. I thought she was probably all right, but with the head injury on top of the bruises she had I wanted to be certain.

Clapp reached us and said lightheartedly, "Maybe I should have left you with Edward, Bella. I think you'll be ok, but I am going to send you to the nurse to make sure."

He walked away, going for his clipboard and a nurse's pass. He was berating himself for giving Bella a partner who was less than coordinated, due to her extreme clumsiness. I agreed with him. He knew firsthand how accident-prone she was, and yet he had put her in the arms of the least coordinated boy in our class. He should have learned after the incident last week when she tripped over a tennis ball and hit him in the head with her racket.

I followed the teacher a few steps until I could reach and touch his shoulder. He turned and faced me.

Then I said, "Coach, I would prefer to accompany her to the nurse myself and make sure she doesn't have any more accidents. As you can tell, she has been having a bit more trouble than normal lately."

I gestured towards Bella and all the bruises she had. He laughed and said softly, "I don't think I'd be able to keep you from going with her anyway, Cullen." I nodded emphatically back at the good-natured teacher and walked back to Bella.

When we arrived in the office, I knew I was going to have to dazzle Mrs. Cope to get what I wanted. While I was explaining the issue to Mrs. Cope, I was listening in on the principal's office. He was alone with Mr. Varner and was trying to keep him in the office, explaining that he was showing a reverse kind of favoritism towards me, which had caused him concern. I could tell he was desperately grasping at straws, trying to keep the man in his office until Charlie could arrive with back-up. I wanted to be out before Charlie saw what a mess his daughter was and so I pressed Mrs. Cope a bit harder. The woman quickly caved, trying to remind herself repeatedly that I was far too young. I wrapped my arm around Bella and escorted her from the office.

I was glad I had gotten out of the school as quickly as we had because as I pulled away, I could hear Charlie's thoughts as he approached the school. Charlie was hoping that Varner hadn't had a chance to victimize anyone at Forks High. He was hoping that the Phoenix police department would get him transferred out of Forks as quickly as possible. I felt bad for Charlie. This kind of incident was so far outside of his vernacular. He was having a difficult time coping with it. However, halfway through a thought he was having about Bella, I suddenly could not hear him anymore, meaning we had driven outside the range of my ability. I was about to strike up a simple conversation with Bella, but I realized that we were so close to the hospital that there was no point.

The moment we arrived, I took her straight into Carlisle's office and waited for him to appear. Carlisle was surprised at our appearance. When I explained that Bella had hit her head in PE and that the bruising was a result of our activities the previous night, Carlisle's thoughts were almost completely in harmony with mine. He was concerned that there might be further injuries than the bruising that was showing and wanted to be sure. I could see the irritation at our vampire only conversation growing on Bella's face, but I wanted Carlisle to side with me before we discussed it with Bella. She tended to be stubborn when it came to her medical care and honestly didn't seem to comprehend how dangerous I could really be to her.

Finally, she had enough and said, "I'm sitting right here, stop discussing me as if I'm not."

I looked down at her and said, "Love, your head is not my only concern and I thought you would be more comfortable if you didn't know every detail of what I am explaining to Carlisle."

Bella went white for a moment before a bright and furious blush tinted her skin. She glared at me and crossed her arms. She was upset. Her eyes narrowed once she was comfortable in her stance and I realized that angry was only the tip of the iceberg. She was furious that I was telling Carlisle everything.

I looked down at her, sighed and said, "Bella, we are concerned that you might have injuries beyond the bruises because of their severity. Carlisle and I both feel that a more thorough exam is necessary. It will be less invasive if Carlisle performs it, however we can get a female doctor if you like."

Bella's eyes widened and her mouth formed a small oval, as it stood agape in what I assumed was shock. I hated to make her go through it, but Carlisle also felt it to be necessary. She finally shifted her gaze from me to my father who looked down at her gently.

Before Bella could open her mouth to speak, Carlisle said, "Bella, I agree with Edward. I think a full exam would be a good idea considering the bruising and the fact that you lost your virginity last night. I would be willing to do it for you, however since this is probably your first exam we can have a female doctor take care of it if that would make you more comfortable."

Bella sat there for a moment, weighing her options. I could almost see the thoughts as they ran across her face. I wished, yet again, that I could read her mind so I could help her but I reminded myself that Bella was glad I couldn't read her mind so I should be satisfied with that.

Finally, Bella said quietly, "Carlisle, I would rather have you do it. Since I trust and know you. However if that would make you uncomfortable…"

Her voice trailed off and I turned to my adoptive father who smiled warmly at Bella and said, "Bella, I wouldn't offer if it made me uncomfortable. I was merely concerned about you, my dear."

Carlisle went to the door and held it open. I gently helped Bella up and then wrapped my arm very gently around her waist once we were in the hall. As we silently walked, Carlisle's thoughts called out to me. I looked at him over Bella's head. When he had my eyes, his thoughts conveyed that he was sure nothing was wrong but it was better to be safe than sorry. Then he offered to have me help with the exam since she might feel more comfortable with me than a male nurse. I knew I had no privileges here and he was doing this merely for Bella's comfort.

At a volume and speed that Bella could not hear I said, "Carlisle, I don't want to get you in trouble. Bella will suffer some additional discomfort with a nurse present but it's not worth risking your job and our home here."

Carlisle looked at me and nodded. His thoughts told me that he knew I was right.

As we walked, the voices in the crowded hospital were becoming rather irritating and sad. I avoided the hospital whenever possible because of the overwhelming intensity of the thoughts that were like a dense cloud, all around me. Only the handful of happy new parents in the maternity ward were any relief for me.

When we finally arrived in the examination room, Carlisle drew the blinds closed and had Bella change into a gown. We were both going to leave the room but she just told us to turn our backs, which we did. I almost let out a groan at the sound of her clothes hitting the floor. The only thing that kept me standing there was Carlisle next to me. If it had been just Bella and I, I would not have been able to stop myself from looking at her.

Finally, Bella finished and cleared her throat to let us know. We both turned to see her lying on the bed as modestly as possible in a hospital gown. Carlisle began by checking the bruises one by one, keeping her as covered as possible. When he finished he was relieved. The bruises on her body did not have any other injuries underneath them. Then he moved to the head bump. He checked her eyes and looked for any immediate signs of damage. He thought about doing a scan but decided it was unnecessary given the lack of indicators. Then, because Bella would understand his ability to see much more than the human eye, he carefully pushed on the knot, using his vampire senses to check for any bone movement. Satisfied that her head was fine he reluctantly moved the last and most uncomfortable part of the exam.

Carlisle pulled out the stirrups, took a deep breath and then explained to Bella what was going to happen next. Her eyes grew wide and she grabbed my hand, which I gladly supplied. I knew this was going to be stressful for her. Checking for anyone who might be looking for Carlisle and finding none, I gave him a nod and he began to move at vampire speed. He quickly moved through the necessary steps of the exam, also using his sense of smell to check for any bleeding. The exam was over very quickly and when he was done, Bella let out the breath she had been holding. I looked at her trying to be as comforting as I could. I knew that this was one of the most uncomfortable things to go through for a young woman and I wanted to give her whatever emotional support I could.

The moment Carlisle finished, he told Bella to get dressed and walked me out of the room. While we waited for Bella to change, he thought through what he had found. He explained that she was just fine. He also laughed and said that he thought she was close to ovulation by the smell. I laughed and was grateful that vampires could not get someone pregnant. It was the last thing we needed to complicate an already overly complex situation. I wished that someday Bella could have children with me, even though I knew it was impossible. I was relieved that Bella was all right and that I had only bruised her. I had been worried that she had suffered further injuries. Carlisle called my name through his thoughts and sheepishly explained that he was proud of my restraint and that it was most difficult to control the first time. Then he reminded me of the house that Rosalie and Emmett had knocked flat the first time they had been together. I laughed aloud until I heard the door click open. I turned quickly to see a blushing Bella slipping through the narrow opening.

Carlisle hugged us both and said, "I'll see you both later this evening."

Bella groaned at the reminder of the party and I laughed. I wrapped my arm around Bella and walked out of the hospital quickly, dodging humans in our path. As soon as Bella was buckled in, I rushed out of the parking lot and away from the painful minds.

As we drove past the police station, I picked up Varner's voice through the constant hum of thoughts that always flowed through my head whenever I was near humans. He was sitting in the only interrogation room at the police station waiting for Charlie to come talk to him. He knew that there was no possible way he was getting out of this situation. He was also thinking futilely about killing whoever revealed the truth about him. He was also trying to think up something to say to the chief of police to explain why he had his only daughter in lunch detention that day, alone, with the blinds closed and had been poised to lock the door before her boyfriend had seen too much. I was grimly satisfied that a predator was behind bars and wasn't going to prey on any more high school kids. Of course having lived over a hundred years, I really wasn't much better than the math teacher except for the fact that I looked like a seventeen year old.

However before I could berate myself further, my brain forced a conversation I had with Carlisle to come to the front of my memory. He had explained that while we lived many years it was like being stuck in some ways. Vampires did learn and change, but at our cores we were the same person we were on the day we were changed. Carlisle had reminded me of that fact when I had originally been deciding how to handle my relationship with Bella. However, the thought of Varner had made me curious.

"Bella, do you remember Katie Brenner from Phoenix?" I asked as nonchalantly as I could.

Bella looked at me oddly for a moment and then said, "Yes, she went to school with me. We ate lunch together sometimes before the incident with her math teacher anyway. I still can't believe that guy is out there somewhere getting the chance to hurt other girls like Katie. Why do you ask Edward?"

I looked at her and casually said, "I saw in the news today that he was caught today. He hadn't hurt anyone else either as far as they could tell."

I knew that I was going to have to tell her about Varner, but I was going to wait until tomorrow knowing that Charlie really couldn't say anything either until the case went public.

After a moment of silence, Bella turned to face me and asked about the incident in gym. I glossed through it and laughed at Bella's response.

When we got to Bella's house, she announced the need to watch the older version of Romeo and Juliet for school. I wanted to groan because I absolutely despised the insipid and inconstant characters. Nevertheless, within minutes of starting the movie we were both lying down cuddling into each other while Bella watched. I however was watching her. I took in every detail I could. Then I started to run my fingers lightly over the skin of her arm. I could see the corner of her mouth turn up in a contented smile at my touch and I smiled with her. Soon just touching her arm was not enough.

I gently repositioned her arm so that it was out of the way and then started to caress the small sliver of skin between the hem of her shirt and the top of her jeans. When I brushed across the button of her pants unintentionally, I was flooded with memories from the night before. My hand started to speed up slightly and I spread my whole hand across her stomach, some of it ending up under the hem of the thermal blue shirt she was wearing. The more I touched her, the more my body wanted her. I could feel my erection straining almost painfully against my pants.

Bella turned to face me. I could see the lust I was feeling reflected in her eyes. She pressed her warm soft lips to mine and I gave in completely. I kissed her back with as much force as I could without hurting her. My hands suddenly had a life of their own. In an instant, my hand was inside her shirt, bunching it up as I went higher and higher until I felt the bottom edge of her lacy bra. I quickly lifted the cups out of my way and began kneading her soft plump warm mound. The moment she went to get a breath, I pushed the shirt up and had my mouth suckling her other breast while my hand continued to play with the other. She gasped and I narrowly avoided nicking her with my teeth. Not wanting to push fate further, I reluctantly released her and moved back to her mouth. My hands left her breasts, putting her bra back in place while I did. My hand moved quickly down her stomach and popped the button on her jeans. At the loosening sensation, Bella squirmed with anticipation. I kissed her as roughly as I dared while I dragged the zipper down. I quickly pushed her pants down far enough to see the scrap of lace that passed for underwear. My hand quickly went under it rubbing the outside of her hot and wet center. I groaned at the sensation, moving my lips to her neck. I ran my middle finger down the slit of her dripping folds and then began to slip between them when I realized that her legs were too close together for this. Gently I grabbed her thigh and began to move her leg to wrap loosely around mine when my thumb pressed into one of her bruises and she flinched in pain. I immediately released her leg, fastened the jeans and stopped kissing her neck.

After she caught her breath, she gasped out, "Edward, I'm fine. Don't stop."

I could see the desire written all over her. She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. However, I had to keep myself from hurting her again and obviously doing this while she was covered in bruises was going to cause her more pain. After I explained my position to her, she pouted with those perfect lips and started to wiggle back into my arms. I was a moment away from giving in and trying again, when I heard Charlie's thoughts in the distance. He was consumed with the Varner case and was oddly thankful to me for keeping Bella safe. I was not about to be caught molesting his daughter today of all days.

Therefore, I laughed and said, "Love, I know. I want you too, but I want to keep you safe even more. Please just wait a few days," or a few hours my thoughts added.

Logically I knew I didn't want to hurt her, but my body wanted her so badly I could hardly think straight. However, I knew I needed to get Bella and my dick under control before Charlie saw us. Therefore, I sat up quickly and took just her hand. Bella asked if it was her father and I nodded grateful for someone to keep us from ravaging each other when Bella was in pain.

Bella had turned to attention back to the movie when Charlie walked in. Charlie was not surprised to see me with Bella. He was grateful that I had saved his daughter but decided that he could have fun for another day or two by continuing to give me a hard time until the truth came out. He really did enjoy playing the gruff father role when he could and he felt like his time was running out in my regard. He sighed loudly at my presence more for Bella's sake than mine.

I looked at her for a moment, winked and then respectfully said, "Good afternoon, Charlie."

Charlie mumble back, "Hello, _Edward_," saying my name like it was a swear word as he moved into the room slowly, tired from his physically and emotionally exhausting day.

Charlie turned to her, looked at her for a moment and was grateful that I had noticed and kept his little girl safe from the sniveling predator now in lockup.

Then he grinned slightly at his daughter, whom he still envisioned in his mind as a pig tailed ten year old the way most fathers did and said, "Hey, Bells."

Bella smiled up at her father and for an instant beneath the gorgeous woman I loved, I caught a glimpse of the daddy's girl that was still within her when she said, "Hi, Dad."

It was moments like this that made me miss my human parents. I could envision them in my cloudy and indistinct human memories and I missed them with every fiber of my being. Carlisle and Esme were also my parents, but nothing and no one can replace the family that raised you.

To stop my train of thought, I looked up at Charlie and said, "Charlie, we will be leaving as soon as we finish the movie. I won't keep her out too late. Would you like to join us?"

Esme had recommended that we invite Charlie over and at first, I wasn't sure, but after the events of the day, I was glad she had mentioned it. Charlie was shocked at the invitation.

After a moment of deliberation though he said, "Nah, I think I'll stay here and watch the game. I'm not a big fan of parties. Bella, don't worry about dinner, I'm in the mood for pizza."

I had been focusing on the TV in time to see Romeo kill himself when he finds Juliet dead. I watched Juliet wake to find Romeo gone and then choose to kill herself as well. I suddenly, for the first time, felt sympathetic toward Romeo. If it had been Bella that was lying there, dead, I knew that my response would have been similar. If I lost Bella, I wouldn't want to go on living, when I knew for sure she was dead.

I looked down at the love of my existence and said, "As much as I don't agree with Romeo on many counts, I know that I could not live in a word where you don't exist."

Just as Bella was about to respond to my statement Charlie came back downstairs.

The moment the movie ended, I stood, reached down for Bella and we left after saying goodbye to Charlie. Excitement and nerves were running through me as I drove away from Charlie's house and towards the meadow. Bella smiled when she realized that we were not headed to the house but to the meadow instead. When I pulled off to the side of the road and parked the car, I scanned the area for the thoughts of anyone. When I found that there was no one within range, I moved to her side of the car at vampire speed, pulled the door open, undid the buckle and scooped her into my arms, shut the door and began running through the woods.

As I ran, I kept my eyes on the path but was thoroughly distracted by the feel of her body pressing against the back of mine. The feeling was overwhelming and I was suddenly remembering every touch between the two of us in the last twenty-four hours. By the time we reached the meadow I was completely out of control again. The images in my mind were driving me wild, especially since I had decided that I couldn't have her again, at least for a while. Emmett's lack of control in this area was beginning to make more and more sense. Every time Rose got mad at Em she would kick him from their room and he frequently didn't run far enough to get out of my thought range before taking care of his desire for release on his own.

I set Bella gently in the grass and said, "Stay here, love. I'll be right back."

Then I kissed her quickly and ran out of sight. Alice had been right about storing the ring at home, because for the second time in hours my body was screaming for release. I climbed a tree until I could see Bella lying on her back with that small sliver of flesh showing between her shirt and jeans. I groaned softly when I saw the lacy edge of underwear I'm sure my sister had bought her showing from the waist of her jeans. Instantly my hand was on my dick through my pants rubbing furiously. After a moment, I unzipped and pulled down the band on my black soft cotton boxers allowing my raging hard on to come out over the band. I wrapped my cold hand around it, wishing that it was Bella's warm ones and began to pump my hand quickly, knowing exactly how to get my body to respond. It only took a few seconds until my hand was a blur and I was shooting venom with my orgasm. I was instantly annoyed with my lack of self-control and the fact that I had left Bella alone in the meadow longer than I had intended to deal with it.

I ran for the house at top speed. When I arrived, I leapt straight onto my window ledge, moved to the closet, got the ring back out of my safe, and ran back towards Bella. When I arrived, I stopped at the tree line for a moment and watched Bella as her hands brushed across the grass from her now seated position. I laughed at her and she turned around capturing my eyes with her warm chocolate brown pools of expression, which were reflecting love for me. I knew in that moment that I didn't deserve her, but was so thankful that she was in my life.

I took a breath and said, "Bella, love, please stand up and close your eyes."

She smiled up at me and then stood to her feet, almost falling in the process. Her eyelids fluttered over her eyes and I moved quickly, kneeling in front of her, ready to take her hand in mine. I took an extra moment to compose myself and memorize exactly how Bella looked in this moment.

I softly urged, "Open your eyes, my Bella."

Her eyes opened slowly and then got huge. Her mouth popped open into a small round oval. Her heart began to speed up its constant beat. She gulped audibly and it took all I had not to let out peals of laughter. As it was, a few small chuckles escaped from between my clenched teeth.

I realized that she thought it was a full on proposal and so I quickly said, "Bella, I need to ask you something, but I want you to listen closely and not make assumptions until I finish ok? I need you to know that this has nothing to do with me turning you into a vampire. That is not what we are discussing here. I will not doom you to my fate."

Her eyes widened even further as she looked down at me kneeling before her. Her small mouth opened slightly wider. She started taking very shallow breaths. Her response suddenly made me nervous. Alice had refused to show me what Bella's response would be. At the time, I thought she didn't want to ruin the moment for me, but now I wasn't so sure. It wasn't as if I could back out now.

I took a deep breath filled with the scent of Bella and the meadow and looked up at her, trying to convey how much I loved her before I said, "Bella, I love you with every fiber of my being. You are my life and purpose now. I cannot imagine not having you in my life. I do not know what miracle brought you into my existence, but I am incredibly thankful for it. Bella, I want to spend the rest of my time on this earth loving you. I am asking you to promise to be mine for the rest of our lives. I am asking you to wear a promise ring for me. Will you love?"

I looked up at her waiting for her response. She was completely startled. Apparently, it was not what she had been expecting from me. I saw the conflict raging in her eyes. She was not sure what to say. I froze the expression on my face as I waited for her to turn me down. Maybe she finally realized that I was no good for her.

Finally she took a breath and said, "Edward, you are not asking me to marry you now, but for me to promise to marry you at some point. This is a promise ring and not an engagement ring, correct?"

She pointed down at my pants, where we could see the outline of the jewelry box shape through my pocket. I began to hope that she was not going to turn me down. I smiled up at her and nodded. I was incapable of speech in that moment.

Then she smiled down at me, looking like an angel with the light shining behind her and said, "Edward-"

She stopped and bit her lip. Instead the small ray of hope I had been nurturing was dashed. She was trying to come up with a good way to reject me. She smiled again and I was completely confused.

Then the words that would release me from torment came out of her lips as she said. "Yes, love, I promise to be yours."

I felt my face stretch into a wide smile. She was smiling down at me, her expression full of love. Her eyes were warm melting pools of chocolate. After a moment, I had to have her in my arms. I stood quickly, threw my arms around her and began swinging her around. She smiled back at me and bit one corner of her lip, which was my undoing. I pressed my lips against hers with abandon. The only thing that made me stop was the sound of her heart beat getting too frantic from the lack of oxygen.

I gently set her feet down in the grass and only let go when I was sure she was balanced. I pulled the box out from my pocket, opened it and turned it away from me. She looked at it wordlessly for a moment before looking back at me, waiting for an explanation.

I smiled and explained, "It was my mother's engagement ring. I will get you your own engagement ring, but I thought this was fitting for your promise ring because I know how you like personal gifts."

She looked at me for a moment as if she wanted to say something, but then she threw her arms around my neck and slammed into me so hard that I was not sure she had not bruised herself in the process. I smiled down at her and then kissed her with as much force as I dared. I kissed her for what seemed to be forever, only leaving her lips to allow her time to breathe. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to run my hands all over her body. However, I knew if I got started, I wouldn't stop until I made love to her and so I barely kept my hands in check. I could tell she wanted more than mere kisses as well, but I kept her hands from wandering too far. I almost lost control when she started grinding her core on my dick. I groaned and moved her as quickly as I could before I took her right there.

Eventually I felt my phone vibrate. I tried to ignore it, having a good idea who it was but after the fifth call I couldn't take it anymore and I reluctantly pulled my lips away from Bella, fished my phone from my pocket and growled at my pixie of a sister into it.

Instantly I heard Alice yelling, "Edward, get your butt back here. The family has been waiting for forever. If you don't get back here, I'll tell Emmett why you had to leave the ring at home."

I quickly replied, "Alice, we are on our way."

I smiled down at the vision next to me, helped her to her feet, and then put her on my back and ran for the car. The car ride was very quick. I checked to make sure there were no patrol cars in the vicinity and then floored it. I didn't want to give Alice any excuse to explain what I had been doing to Emmett, who would never let me live it down.

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Okay a bit of a marathon chapter but there really wasn't a good place to break this sucker up... I know though that for most of you more is always a good thing!

Please hit that little review button and tell me what you think! Reviews are a huge help to me as a writer and I really appreciate it when you take the time out to give me feedback!


	5. Chapter 4 Party Time

A/N: Okay, I gave you a crazy long chapter last time... sorry that this one is on the shorter side... but trust me ;)

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**Chapter 4- Party Time**

As we pulled into the garage, Bella groaned. I knew she hated celebrating her birthdays, but I also knew that the party was as much for my family as it was for her. None of them had been able to celebrate a real birthday in decades.

I smiled down at Bella, attempting to dazzle her before I said, "Bella, I need you to do me a favor. The last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in the 1930s. Please cut them some slack, they are all really excited. Oh, and when I say all, I mean all of them."

Her eyes went saucer-sized as I could see it dawn on her that Emmett and Rose had come back specifically for her birthday. I squeezed her hand, trying to offer reassurance. Rosalie had never really cared for Bella, but was not about to ruin her birthday over it.

Still smiling, I told her, "Rose will be on her best behavior today, don't worry, love. They also know that I was going to give you that promise ring so don't worry about the family assuming too much."

She grimaced slightly and hesitantly said, "Alright, Edward, let's get this stupid party over with."

She was so funny when she tried to be mad. I laughed at her, took her hand and pulled her along with me into the house.

The family was all waiting anxiously. Alice was worried that she hadn't done enough. Everyone else was worried that Alice had gone overboard. From what I was seeing in my mind, the majority of them were correct. Alice had gone extremely overboard.

The moment we walked into view, Bella froze in place, taking in all of what Alice had done. However, as I read the thoughts of my family, I could tell that Alice had plenty of help. Even Rosalie had contributed, complaining the whole time but secretly loving it. I winked at Rose, who scowled back and flipped me off, which caused Esme to scowl at her for just an instant. Esme began to contemplate if she should talk to Rose about it and I intentionally let a smile show on my face that looked like a cat that had just eaten the family pet canary. Rose scowled at me again and starting swearing at me like a sailor in her head.

Esme and Carlisle both hugged Bella. Both were unable to control thoughts about how wonderful she was for me. Carlisle noticed how overwhelmed Bella seemed at all the attention she was getting and made an apology about not keeping Alice in check. I knew he had been as much a culprit at the rest, but Bella merely rolled her eyes and then giggled for some reason.

After a moment, a charged silence filled the room as everyone stared at us. All of my family started shouting at me through their thoughts to tell them what happened except for Alice who stood there smugly, already knowing Bella had said yes. Finally, Emmett voiced his concerns audibly and I knew I couldn't hold them in suspense any longer. I laughed at their impatience, took Bella's hand in mine, raised it to my mouth, kissed the ring on her finger and then held her hand out at just the right angle to cause the diamonds to throw rainbows of light around the room.

Suddenly, everyone was hugging us in excitement. I almost lost it when Jasper carefully wrapped his arms around Bella. His nose got too close to her pulse point and he was about to lose control when Alice placed her hand on his arm. He looked at her gratefully and stepped away from Bella. I let go of the breath that I had not been aware I was holding. Lately Jasper had been having more trouble restraining himself because Bella had been around so much. There were very few places for him to get completely away from the smell. He apologized profusely through his thoughts. He felt bad. He really cared about Bella and I knew it. I nodded and he relaxed slightly. Bella smiled at Jasper, obviously pleased that he had braved her smell. Jasper grinned back to make her feel at ease, and then continued to try to maintain his tenuous control.

Alice interrupted the moment finally with the announcement that it was time to open presents. Rose decided to mess with Bella by offering their gift first. I looked at Bella who was surprised by Rose's move and smile. She quickly ripped the paper open and found an empty box for a car stereo. The puzzled look on her face almost made me laugh since I knew Emmett had installed it in her truck already.

Emmett laughed a moment later and quipped, "We got you a new stereo for your truck. I installed it while you were watching _Romeo and Juliet_ this afternoon, that way you can't return it."

Bella laughed at him and then thanked him with a silly grin on her face, causing my whole family to laugh. Alice then handed her my gift, a CD full of my piano music that I had recorded for her.

Bella slipped her finger under the edge of the paper and then yanked away from the package forcefully. The wrapping paper sunk into her fingertip and cut it, the smell of her potent blood filling the air. I only lost control for a fraction of a second before I stopped breathing and refocused. I began to scan the minds around me. Everyone was all right, except for Jasper. He was tensing his muscles to lunge at her. I jumped and then everything seemed to slow down. I barely got my arm in Jasper's way in time to keep him from connecting with her. I saw the terrified look on her face as Jasper's face was mere inches from her own. Jasper began to fight ferociously, the hunt completely consuming his mind, furious that I was keeping him from his kill. I panicked as I realized I was going to lose control of him quickly. I had to get Bella out of the way and my whole body between them before he killed her. I hated to cause her any more pain but I knew that if I didn't do something drastic he would have her and I would lose her forever. Hating what I had to do, I put my hand in the middle of Bella's chest and pushed her back with as little force as I could, while still getting her out of the way. However, in my haste, I miscalculated and Bella went flying back into the piano, sliding it across the floor. The glass plates and cake came crashing to the floor as I saw Bella fall on top of them. Carlisle and Emmett were joining me and each had a hand on Jasper. The broken glass sunk into Bella's pale arm as blood came pouring out.

She looked up at me, her eyes wide in fear and screamed, "Edward!"

Then her whole body slumped down as she lost consciousness.

* * *

I need to thank my amazing betas ginginlee and babylopez who worked so hard on this for me... they make this readable without making me feel completely inept. I love you both!

Thank you for reading and please please please review?


	6. Chapter 5 Paradise Lost

A/N: This chapter was difficult to write. There was a lot to try to explain without slowing the story down. I hope i did it justice. In addition my fabulous editor ginginlee has real life stuff going keeping her from editing (it's good though) so all editing mistakes are my own!

**Chapter 5- Paradise Lost**

I turned to Jasper who was fighting Emmett and Carlisle. Finally, Rose and Alice stepped in helping Emmett wrestle Jasper out the door. I slowly turned to see Bella on the floor. She was still breathing and her heart was beating steadily. She had just passed out from her intense fear. Suddenly, her scream resounded in my head and I sickeningly realized that she had been afraid in that final moment. She was afraid of me. When she woke, she was going to go running as far away from me as she could get. The other shoe had finally dropped and she had realized what monsters we were. I numbly gathered her up in my arms as gently as I could, her blood not appealing to me at all. Gently, we took her into Carlisle's office. I tried to wake her, but she was out cold.

Carlisle looked over her injuries and said, "Edward, her cut is too deep to be fixed with external stitches. She also needs internal stitches. I don't have that thread here. We are going to need to take her to the hospital."

With Bella passed out, there were going to be a ton of questions we would be asked that we couldn't answer. This was going to be very awkward for Carlisle and our family. Then Alice had a vision that changed everything. This event would make the local papers while a nomad was wandering through. The nomad would take the paper back to Italy. The Volturi would show up on our doorsteps in two months' time demanding an explanation. The chances of it ending badly for the family were almost certain. For some reason, the moment Bella passed out she disappeared from Alice's visions. The only way for us to get out of the situation was to leave immediately. The news of our departure would trump Bella's injuries and we would be safe.

I looked down at Bella and felt my heart break. I loved her with every fiber of my being. The sight and sound of her screaming my name in fear would not leave my thoughts. Yet again, I had put her life in danger, and now my whole family as well. I knew I was not good enough for her. I was a monster who hurt any human he was in close contact with. Bella's life was worth more than my own happiness. I had told her once that I loved her more, because I would leave if it were the right thing to do; if my leaving would keep her safe. Add into that the fact that she was now terrified of me, I knew what I had to do. I would do the right thing to keep her safe and to keep my family safe. I would give her the chance to have a normal happy human life. I would keep her safe. I would leave and never return. I looked down at her as I made my decision and I felt most of myself go missing. It would always be with her. She was my heart and my life. I would do what was needed to keep her safe and I would suffer the consequences.

It barely registered when Alice started crying softly behind me. She had not left and gone after Jasper as I had expected. She was concerned about him, but she also knew that she was about to lose her best friend for good. As I looked down at the love of my existence, Alice explained my decision to Carlisle and Esme. I heard Carlisle gasp and Esme begin to cry. I knew that the right thing to do would be to comfort and explain, but I could not tear my eyes away from Bella. I was burning her image into my mind, knowing that once we left her at the hospital, I would not see her again. The only thing that kept me from breaking down was the fact that I needed to stay strong for her. I would not let my emotions get in the way of the last moments I had with her, conscious or not. Whatever Alice told them was effective because after a moment, Carlisle picked up the phone like it weighed two tons and slowly dialed the hospital. The moment he was off the phone, he went to his computer and wrote a resignation letter. Crying the whole time, Esme began to move through the house, covering furniture and packing up the essentials. Alice ran upstairs and began to work on my things first, knowing I would be in no condition to do so.

Then Alice was suddenly standing opposite me, looking down at Bella. After a moment she brokenly said, "Edward, you- "

She paused for a moment and then with resolve said, "Edward, you can't go to the hospital with her. If you show up there, Charlie will blame you. If you are there when Bella wakes up, you won't be able to leave. Everything will go wrong if you go. You also need to take her ring. Charlie will never believe you left if you went through with giving it to her. Carlisle already has a story planned, which will not be suspicious. I still can't see her directly but I can see the results."

Alice's visions were strange. It was like there was a hole where Bella should be. I wondered for a moment what it could mean, but it was quickly overshadowed by the feel of Bella's skin against mine.

I searched Carlisle's thoughts and saw what he planned to say to them. I knew it would work without the ring. I gently picked her up from the table, careful not to jar the pressure dressing Carlisle had put on her arm and held her to me. I gently kissed her lips for the last time and then put her down. I looked at her hand with my mother's ring on it again, memorizing exactly how it looked and then gently slipped it from her finger. Then I leaned over, kissed her forehead and ran from the room as the paramedics entered the house.

I left the house and wandered into the woods trying not to focus on what was going on with Bella in the house, however I could not convince myself to move beyond the point where I could no longer hear. After what seemed like an eternity, they loaded her in and drove away, sirens blazing into the still and dark night. From their thoughts I had gleaned that they thought she was going to be fine, but were somewhat baffled at the fact she was unconscious. Carlisle had attempted to explain her aversion to blood and that it always made her ill, but they did not believe that someone's response to the smell of blood could be so severe. Carlisle asked me to stop by Charlie's house and explain it to him while he accompanied Bella to the hospital, knowing that it would be harder for me to leave if I went back to her. As it was, it took every ounce of strength I had and the reminder of the Volturi visit to keep me from her. I went to Charlie's quickly; however I could not bring myself to knock on the door. I knew when I faced Charlie that there was no going back.

After a few moments, I felt my phone buzz. When I looked down at the screen, I saw that the message was from Carlisle. I had expected that Alice would be the one attempting to contact me but was surprised to see Carlisle's name light up the caller ID. I quickly flipped the phone open and read the message. Carlisle let me know that I had no time to waste if this was going to go well, I needed to get in the house now. Reluctantly, I knocked on the door and waited for Charlie to open it. I heard the sound on the TV go off but could still hear the buzzing from the screen. I heard a shuffling noise and then saw Charlie on the other side of the glass in the door. When he flipped on the light and realized who was standing outside, he went into overdrive, opening the door faster than I thought he could.

Charlie barked out, "Edward, where is Bella? Is she alright?"

I looked at Charlie and softly said, "She lost her balance Charlie and fell backwards into the piano where Alice had the cake and glass plates set up. She knocked everything off the piano and rolled it across the room. She cut her arm pretty deep on some glass plates. She passed out from the sight of the blood; you know how she gets with blood sometimes."

Charlie nodded and then reached for his coat. I put my hand up and said, "Charlie, I know you want to get to Bella, but there is something I need to tell you first. We were going to wait to tell Bella until after the party, but now there is no time. Charlie, my family is leaving Forks. Without telling us, my father, Carlisle, applied for a job in Arizona. Carlisle got a job offer yesterday with Mayo Clinic that he can't turn down. The offer was only good if he could be there to start in two days. He never thought that we would have to leave this quickly. My mother is leaving in the morning. I am flying out with Alice and Jasper tonight. I wanted to make the break as clean as I can for her. I love her but I'm not going to drag her through the pain of a long distance relationship, which can only end badly. I am sorry we couldn't prepare you for this. I am even more sorry now that she's-"

At that I stopped, not being able to say any more without breaking down. I knew the lie would work but it stuck in my throat like that pizza I had choked down as demonstration for Bella all those months ago. Carlisle shouldn't be taking all the blame on himself. I never should have been involved with Bella in the first place. She was human and I was a blood-sucking monster who would always be dangerous to her. Charlie was furious at Carlisle for not preparing anyone. He already knew that Bella would take things hard. However, he was also concerned for me. He could tell I loved Bella. He wondered how long I would be able to stay away.

Finally, I was able to control myself and continue with, "Charlie, I have a couple requests. I want to make this as easy on her as possible. I am going to go upstairs for just a minute and remove a few key items that I believe will cause her to have a harder time with this. I also would still like her to hear this from me. I may not be able to tell her in person but she deserves to hear that it's over from me. Charlie, I'm going to lie to her. I'm going to tell her that I don't love her. I think it will make it easier for her to move on. I don't want to be the reason she's unhappy and waiting to live her life. I love her too much to let her hang on to me."

I stopped talking. I was shaking with the emotion. This was truly the hardest thing I had ever done in all my years. After a moment, Charlie awkwardly put his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

Then he said, "Edward, I know I haven't been completely supportive of your relationship with Bella. However, most of that is because you're young. I didn't want you and Bella to end up like Renee and I did. I also unfairly blamed Phoenix on you. Thank you for doing the right thing for Bella. I think you're correct about your plan. You have thought this through. I will do what I can to help her on this end."

After Charlie finished, he motioned towards the stairs. I walked up slowly, taking in every detail. I paused at the entrance to her room and took meticulous inventory of what it looked like. Then I moved to through her room, removing every trace of my influence on her life. I knew she wouldn't forget but I knew it would help her move on. When I finished and held an armful of pictures, notes, and other memorabilia, I acted on impulse. I reached down and pried up a floorboard. I carefully arranged everything inside with the exception of one picture. Charlie had taken it when we left for prom. Her cast wasn't visible. She looked like an angel her face looking up at mine. I could see the adoration I felt for her written all over mine. I carefully tucked it in my pocket. I replaced the floorboard and dragged myself from the room and her life.

I ran away from the house the moment I was out of Charlie's sight. Somehow, I found myself outside the hospital in a tree, looking into Bella's room. I knew I shouldn't be here but I couldn't seem to keep myself away from her. I heard her heartbeat speed. I saw her wake I saw her eyes scan the room frantically for me. My heart broke further in that instant, knowing I could never go to her again. I saw her talk to the doctor. I saw her reach out her hand, look to her father, and see Charlie's look and scream as she passed out again. I lept down from the tree, running full speed for the entrance. Just before I left the trees, I heard Alice's thoughts screaming my name and playing her vision of our fate if we did not leave. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Then she reminded me that I was leaving to keep her safe. I collapsed on the soft wet ground and barely noticed when Emmett picked me up on my feet and forced me to walk to the car with him.

The instant the door closed, I felt Alice wrap her arms around me, followed quickly by Esme's. My body shook with sobs as I cried. Then I felt something I had never experienced before, venom went spilling over the edge of my lower eyelid and trailed down my face. I heard brief concern from Esme and Alice before they decided to ignore it and discuss it with Carlisle later. Eventually, I picked up that we were headed to Alaska for a week or two until we decided on a new home. Jasper, Rose and Emmett were already halfway there, running to help Jasper and attempting to convince him that everything would be all right. Carlisle and Esme both decided that we would never sell the home in Forks and that we would never return.

When we arrived at the Denali's in Alaska, Tanya immediately threw herself at me and said, "So you decided I was better than a human any day after all?"

I knew that the polite response would be to gently remove her from my body and explain as calmly as I could, however I was incapable of the calm response at that moment. Instead, I threw her away from me as hard as I could, only feeling a slight hint of guilt when I heard her hit the wall of the house behind her. I turned and ran into the woods as quickly as I could. For a moment, Esme's thoughts were automatically ready to admonish my rude behavior, but then she softened and thought at me that she would smooth things over with Tanya, understanding my need for solitude at the moment. When I got to the same small clearing I had spent time in when I left Forks last year, I collapsed into a snow bank. I dimly heard Esme's conversation with Tanya and her apology and understanding over the issue. She genuinely felt bad, she had been teasing and never meant to hurt me. I decided I would attempt to apologize later. However, most of my thoughts were consumed with Bella. She was the only thing I could see in my head. The next morning I felt my phone vibrate. I saw Bella's name on the caller ID. Somehow, I kept myself from answering the phone. After a few minutes, it beeped again, letting me know I had voicemail. Against my better judgment I flipped open the phone and checked it. After a moment, I heard her voice panicked through the phone begging me to call her back. Begging to know where I was and if I was okay. Then I heard the tears as she told me she loved me and missed me. I thought she was done until I heard her voice heartrendingly call my name before she ended the message.

Every part of me wanted to call her back and explain that it had all been a big mistake and that I was coming home for her. We would run until the end of time if that meant I could be with her. Just as I flipped the phone open Alice came into the clearing, grabbed the phone and handed me a new one that was missing Bella's number. She knew I had it memorized but the unspoken message was clear. I checked the phone number and was not surprised to see that the number had been changed. I stayed in that clearing until dawn the next day when Alice descended with Carlisle and Esme. Alice had a vision of how I would tell Bella. Carlisle and Esme were there to convince me to go along.

We drove into town and chartered a plane to Vancouver. The whole time we traveled, the other three vampires blocked their thoughts from me, making the only intrusion I had to endure the two humans on board.

I agonized over what I was going to have to do. I was going to lie to the one person I never wanted to keep anything from. However, I owed her something. I was not just going to disappear on her with no explanation. I had to tell her something and everyone agreed that the lie I was going to tell would help her move on. When we arrived at the small studio, everyone was very kind. I followed directions, however, the moment I began to speak everything would fall apart and I would not be able to say what I needed to. Finally, Alice showed me a vision of the Volturi killing a very human Bella, myself and the rest of the family. After seeing it, I got halfway through before I lost it. Then Alice focused on it over and over again. The scene playing helped me finally record a message that would pass. I was sure that Bella would see through it, knowing me well enough to read the emotion I was desperately trying to hide.

However, Esme finally said, "Edward, the words will be so shocking that they will feel like truth. Moreover, you are not going to record it on a normal DVD. Even if she watches it repeatedly, it will take her human brain some serious time to doubt something this intense. By the time she begins to question it, the DVD will no longer play. Emmett is already on his way back from Forks. He text messaged Carlisle while you finished your recording. You need to go home now Edward. Alice will take care of getting the disc made. Your only job is to try to move on, as impossible as that seems right now."

Then her thoughts continued what her words did not. She told me how much she loved me and that she would be there in whatever way I needed her whether it be tough love, a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on. She would be the mom I needed, however I needed her.

Wordlessly, I walked over to Esme and wrapped my arms around her. I knew that she loved all of us, but that I was dear to her heart, her first child in this very long life. She tried to force her thoughts that ached at the loss of her newest daughter, Bella but she couldn't quite manage it. I appreciated the effort on her part. Then Carlisle came to put an arm around me as well. I had no idea how I was going to live without her, but I knew my family would help however, they could.

By the time we arrived in Alaska, Alice had messaged Carlisle to let him know the DVD was in the mail and on the way to Bella. I quickly fished out my phone and asked Alice if my part was over. Alice gently told me that I could let go and stop fighting the pain. I had been fighting what I was feeling, trying to get through the situation, but now I let the waves of aching twisting pain roll over me like dirt being put over my dead heart until I was buried in it.

Two weeks later, my family forced me from the house to hunt. I had no desire to quench the burn in my throat, it matched the way the rest of me felt, but I finally relented when Carlisle threatened to force feed me from the Denali blood bank if I refused. We were leaving the next morning for our home in New York and Carlisle was not going to allow me to travel without feeding first.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Jasper was waiting. He had been trying to talk to me for days. I just wasn't ready to discuss it with him. I was not upset with him. He had acted on instinct and it was not his fault. However, I could not handle discussing that night yet. I shook my head at Alice, who turned to her mate and quietly explained that I was not ready to talk. Jasper looked at me with resignation over his face thinking that I was handling things well, especially considering what I had been through with Bella lately. He hated that he was the cause of our departure. I ran from the room, trying to escape and find a quiet place to let my misery have me.

I barely made it past the edge of the forest before I collapsed. I knew that I left for the right reasons, but every ounce of me was fighting to go back. It was all I could do to stay. I wanted to be distracted because as much as it was hard to maintain, the pain was just as hard. I wanted her so badly. I needed her. She was everything to me and I walked away. I reminded myself repeatedly that not leaving would have been the end of her life. It was the only thing keeping me from chartering a plane back to Washington and showing up on her doorstep, begging and pleading with her to take me back.

After a while, Carlisle came out and found me, took me by the hand and led me deeper into the woods. I finally smelled deer and forced myself to hunt. Finally, after four large deer, Carlisle was satisfied and I ran back to the house, up to my room and locked myself in. I could hear Esme think about coming up to try to comfort me; seeing one of her children hurt was almost more than she could handle. Alice however kept her downstairs after she had a vision of the result. Just as I attempted to focus on anything else, Alice had a vision of Bella indirectly. She gasped and shut down her thoughts after a brief flash of red.

I yelled, "Alice, you need to explain now!"

Alice had anticipated that I would not let her vision go. She was at my door already, whispering softly, "Edward, Bella is in trouble. She's going to be attacked if we don't do something. Victoria will show up in Forks and track Bella out of the small town. I don't know why she is leaving, but due to her lack of luggage it must be a day trip. I see her killing Bella in Seattle. Edward, you have to go after Victoria. For some reason, if any of the rest of us goes, I see the Volturi in our future. Get moving!"

I did not need prompting. Her safety was the most important thing to me now. She deserved to live a happy, normal human life and I was going to give her that, even if I spent the rest of her life hunting Victoria to keep her safe.

In a few hours, I was back in Washington, standing in the tree outside her window, watching her sleep. Alice told me that if I went in her room, I wouldn't be able to leave again. Bella would wake up, I would break down and tell her the truth and we would all end up dead. Alice was having an increasingly hard time seeing Bella, even indirectly. I was concerned, but Alice told me that she had no idea why she couldn't see her.

I looked through the darkness at Bella. She was calling my name frantically in her sleep. My fingers dug into the wood of the tree, which gave way willingly. Fortunately, I was high enough that the foliage would conceal the damage until it was no longer evident. She began crying into her pillow, calling my name over and over again. I knew she was asleep and dreaming, but she was in such pain even in her dreams. Finally, she began to scream. I felt my body heave in dry sobs, wanting so badly to go to her, knowing that I couldn't. After what felt like an eternity, Bella's mother burst into the room and shook Bella until she woke up, gasping and panting. Bella hugged her mother fiercely and continued to cry. Renee was furious with my parents for forcing me away from her. She knew that there was more to the story than there appeared. She could tell that Bella's behavior was a more severe reaction to something else that she couldn't quite place. Renee was really incredibly intuitive. After a moment, a blank distant expression settled on Bella's face as she looked out the window, directly at my hiding spot in the tree. For a moment her eyes narrowed, like they were trying to peer into the darkness and glimpse what was in the tree but then Renee called her name, she shook her head slightly and turned back to address her mother.

After a few moments, her mother left the room, turned out the lights and Bella went back to sleep. After a few moments, her breathing evened and slowed. Then she began murmuring in her sleep.

At first, it was unintelligent but then she said very clearly, "Edward, I love you."

I was startled for a moment. I knew that she hadn't seen me, but somehow she must have sensed I was there. My heart broke watching her, not being able to go to her. I could hear Charlie and Renee quietly fighting downstairs about whether or not Bella should go back to Jacksonville or not.

I spent the whole night in that tree, watching Bella sleep. She had two more nightmares. Both times, she looked outside as if she knew I was there. I hoped that she would not see through my ruse and would be able to move on. I knew I would never be able to, however Bella deserved the chance for happiness. I only hoped that when that day came, I would not get in the way. She deserved more than that. Just as Bella's heart rate began to rise and she began to toss as she began the process of waking up, I smelled something on the wind that was distinctly vampire. It was not Victoria, but I had a feeling that anyone in the area would be somehow connected with her. As if Alice had heard my unspoken thought, a text message immediately came through, instructing me to follow the unknown vampire.

The creature was moving quickly towards the house at first and then stopped, took a deep breath and abruptly changed directions. I knew that it had detected my presence. I gave Bella one last glance through the leaves and then sprung to the ground, landing hard and immediately running after the spooked vampire.

As I ran, I had trouble catching up with Victoria's new friend. I looked at the ground as I ran and realized that they were not faster than I was, but stronger by the distance between footprints. After going through the options the only real choice was that I was chasing someone newly born into this second life. Only a newborn would have this level of strength. Finally, I began to catch glimpses through the forest growth of blond hair and a well toned pale body that was distinctly male somehow. I finally heard his frantic thoughts, which were centered around Victoria. He knew she would be angry with him for allowing me to track him. However, Corey didn't know how he was supposed to lose me unless he turned around and fought. I welcomed the idea gladly. It would be good to burn some of the excess energy I had. Finally, when we hit the California border, I was right on his heels. He attempted to speed up even more but he was at the limit of his strength and he knew that he was only delaying the inevitable at that point. After a few more seconds, he spun on me and took a challenging stance. He took in my more refined look and immediately assumed that I would be an easy target. I controlled my facial expression but was pleased. His poor evaluation of me would make my job so much easier.

After another moment, he said, "Are you suicidal or do you honestly think you can take on someone in their first year?"

I smiled back at the naive neophyte and retorted, "Victoria really does not take very good care of her creations. I highly doubt you will prove to be much of a challenge, youngling."

I smirked at him and raised my hand toward him, curling my finger back in a way that was an unmistakable sign to attack. The blond boy's eyes' narrowed, he sneered and then lunged. I easily side stepped his pathetic attack. I could hear the shock in his voice when he realized that I had completely dodged his attack.

I turned, smiled and casually stated, "Are you sure that you want to challenge me? Take me to her and I'll spare you little one."

It was a cruel twist of fate that the only reason I was able to smile was that I was protecting Bella from harm and even then my smile was not the same. My lips were tighter, and more drawn, never a completely carefree expression. The young boy actually considered my proposition for a moment before he minutely shook his head and resolved to complete the task he had started.

He lunged for me again. This time I not only stepped out of the way but also twisted and caught him from behind. He attempted to escape my grasp but did have effective technique to accomplish it even though he had far superior strength. I gave a hard laugh and put my hands firmly on his head.

Then I said, "You will tell me where Victoria is."

He attempted to break free again but in his head, he thought about the location where he was supposed to contact her. Apparently, she had not informed him of where she was going and would not until he called her. Just as I was about to give up however, he flashed a vision of the place he had come from and how he wished she had prepared him for what he would face. I did not have her location but I had somewhere to track from. Satisfied with my progress and the idea that I would not get anything more from the boy, I shifted my hands slightly and then relieved him of his head. I set it aside as I made short work of the rest of him. Then, I picked his head back up, made a small fire and threw his body into it, piece by piece. Once I was satisfied that there was no chance he would every return to life, I buried the fire and headed toward the sleazy motel that Victoria had stayed in last.

It took me an hour to arrive at the dingy almost deserted inn, which catered to exhausted travelers who thought they could make the next town. The trees of the forest surrounded the backside of the small complex, the branches of the closest ones brushing against the windows of the tiny rooms. I could smell the unpleasant stench left behind by many humans who had been on the road too long. I could tell the place was not cleaned well from the smell alone. It made locating Victoria's smell almost impossible. I stayed well back into the forest until the sun set. I did not need to be noticed by humans and risk the wrath of the Volturi. Finally, the moment it was safe, I stepped out of the trees and began carefully searching for Victoria's scent. Just as I was about to give up I reached the last room on the top floor and finally picked up the unique scent that only a vampire could produce. I could tell that there had only been two here, Victoria and the boy I had just killed. The scent was still fresh and once I focused, powerful. After a moment, I realized that the scent was not just them but also the result of the venom deposits their bodies had left behind. I jumped off the ledge and followed her scent as it went into the forest again, heading south.

For days, I tracked her. I ran through the length of California and Central America without interference. However, the moment I crossed over into Argentina, deftly avoiding the border patrol in the process, I hit a snag. She had crossed this area in the cover of dark and the sun was now high in the sky. My cover was gone and I would not be able to continue to follow her until nightfall. I spent the day pacing through the small area of forest finally stopping to hunt what was available. I had no idea when the next time would be that I would have a chance to stop. My mind was so focused on tracking Victoria, that my thoughts had been able to keep from dwelling on Bella. However now that I was stopped, she was all I could think about.

After a couple of hours, my phone began to vibrate. To my surprise, Rosalie was calling me. Of all my siblings, our relationship was the most strained. On the last ring, I finally decided to pick up the phone.

In a cautious and guarded voice, Rose said, "Edward, Bella is missing. Her truck was found with the keys in Seattle. Her bank account was empty. Edward I- we have no idea where she is or what happened. Alice lost all visions relating to Bella four days ago. You need to come home. We need to find her. Tracking Victoria will have to wait."

I froze in place, horrified. I couldn't believe that she would leave, especially after I asked her to stay safe. I thought that would help keep her from danger. I was terrified that something had happened to her. I was only a half hour from twilight and only two hours from Buenos Aires. I forced myself to move, knowing that it moments could make all the difference.

As I ran back to the edge of the forest, I barked instructions at Rosalie. For once, she made no comment about my rude behavior. Rose was usually the first to jump on me if I ever did something that was evenly slightly outside the range of perfect behavior.

By the time I hung up the phone, I had a mere five minutes to wait and a plane ticket waiting for me at the airport. I was thankful that I had my information on me. I was less than thrilled that my papers read Edward Cullen but I hoped that I would make it through the gate with few problems.

The moment the sun disappeared behind the mountaintops, I ran as fast as I could towards my destination. I had been to Argentina once before when I was relatively new to the vampire life during my rebellious phase. I hated those memories but I was thankful that I knew where I was headed.

The moment I arrived in the outskirts of the city, I stole the fastest car I could find. I drove more quickly then I felt completely comfortable with but I needed to make the flight. As I drove, I was consumed with my fears about what had happened to Bella. Had she tried to follow us? Was she running away? However the more I thought, the more I wondered if she was searching for others of my kind, looking for a way to become like me. I knew that she loved me with all of her human heart, but I hoped that she would believe the lies I had told her. Obviously, she had seen through my veneer and was searching me out. I hoped that she was not trying to end her life, but I knew that it was the most logical explanation. I hoped against hope that I was wrong.

Finally, I arrived at the airport, parked the car in a no parking zone and ran into the massive airport. I made my flight with seconds to spare. I had no idea why Rose had been so insistent that I took the flight instead of running until Alice grabbed the phone from her and yelled that she couldn't see what would happen if I ran home, she was afraid that me running home meant the end of my life because I would run into the Volturi. I hated the fact that they were in the way with such frequency. I wished there was a way around them, but I knew that thwarting the royals was a risky proposition with horrible consequences.

The trip was excruciatingly long. I could hardly stand being around my family and being stuck with their thoughts, let alone a large group of humans, over half of which were afraid to fly. Their thoughts were so loud that I had trouble focusing on my own. I kept wishing that I had Bell with me, her blank silence a refuge to focus on. I could smell the ambrosia contained within the human bodies all around me and for some reason it was getting to me. I immediately stopped breathing, curled into a ball in my seat and waited for takeoff, which felt like an eternity later, but was really only three minutes and twelve seconds later.

The moment I arrived back in Washington and saw Alice's concerned face, I knew that something was very wrong. I walked up to Alice and the moment she could hear me I said, "Alice, what is wrong?"

Alice looked at me through her thoughts told me that it wasn't something she could tell me until we were on our own. I followed her wordlessly through the tiny airport and to the car. The moment we were moving Alice said, 'Edward, Rosalie lied to all of us. She knew exactly where Bella went but waited until it was too late to tell us the truth."

I glared at Alice and growled out, "Alice where is she?"

Alice took a deep breath and gently said, "Edward, she went to Alaska. She stayed with the Denali's one night and then left the next day. They are telling us that they don't know why she left however Kate sounds- off."

I whipped my phone from my pocket and dialed Tanya's number immediately. The instant she picked up I said, "Where did she go Tanya?"

Tanya took in just enough air, sighed and said, "Edward, we just don't know. However we think-"

I could feel my eyes narrow as I questioned, "You think? She is the love of my existence! You need to do better than you think!"

Tanya let out a sigh and said, "Edward, we were completely shocked when she showed up here. We were even more shocked when she ran away the next day. All we know is that she was really upset."

I could tell that Tanya was hiding something however I couldn't figure out what it was. With a calmer voice, hiding my anger and fear I said, "Tanya, did anyone go after her?"

Tanya's voice grew slightly higher in pitch as she said, "She made it out of the woods before we could get to her, Edward. We tried searching for her after dark, but we were- unsuccessful. We don't know where she is Edward. I am truly sorry."

I wanted to talk to Kate but I knew that I would get the same information that I had from Tanya. The girls would back each other no matter what and without my physical presence; I could not read their minds. Without another word, I hung up the phone. I would call back and apologize once I knew where Bella was. I only hoped that I would be able to find her before something went very wrong. I promised myself in that moment that if we found her, I would make her one of us. I knew now that I couldn't live without her. I would do whatever it would take to get her back and make her mine. I didn't care about what was right and wrong anymore, the only thing that mattered to me now was Bella and being with her.

The moment we got to the house in Forks the whole family was waiting for us at the dining room table, ready for action. The moment I sat, Carlisle said, "We need to find her. If the Volturi realize our connection with her, that will be it for our family. We don't know if they are still here or not for some reason. Edward, we need to look for clues at Bella's house. You are the one who knows it best. You need to go and look for things that are out of place. We will continue the conversation once Edward returns."

I nodded at him, my emotion hidden behind the mask I was showing Carlisle. Going back to her house was going to be torture, but I knew that it was one of the best places we would find clues. I made the familiar run at full speed knowing that Charlie would still be at work for another hour. The moment I got to the door however, I knew it was going to be trickier than I thought. Charlie was there with half of the Forks police force as well as Bella's mother. Getting into her room would be almost impossible at the moment. I kept guard outside the house, observing as much as I could. I heard the moment the Seattle police discovered Bella's truck on the outskirts of town with the keys in the ignition. It looked like someone had taken it for a joyride but that it had been abandoned. I picked up the phone, called Tanya and said, "What was Bella driving when she got there?"

Tanya said, "A dark purple PT Cruiser. Edward- Kate is tracking her right now. We know that she got on a plane to New York City. Kate is running across country hoping to get to the airport in time to intercept her. We didn't want to tell you because we didn't want to give you false hope. There is only a slim chance of this working. Wait- I'm getting a call from her. I'll call you back Edward."

I watched the house for a few minutes before my phone began to vibrate again. Tanya was on the other side but it took forever for her to speak. Finally, she said, "Edward, Kate—she didn't make it in time. She never got to Bella before she got on another plane. Edward, Kate can't even figure out where she went. I'm sorry."

Woodenly, I closed the phone and leaned against a tree. Running away seemed so unlike Bella to me, but there really was no other way to look at it. After a moment, I picked up the phone and called Carlisle. The moment he answered I said, "Carlisle, she got on a flight from New York City to some unknown destination. Can we narrow down what flight she might have been on?"

I heard Carlisle begin to type quickly into the computer. After a few moments he said, "Edward, there are a lot of possibilities in a two hour time frame, most of them international. They include, Paris, Nice, Brussels, London, Madrid, Florence, Jerusalem, Moscow and Taipei. Edward, it is not a complete list. There is no real way to narrow down which plane she might have been on."

I thanked Carlisle and hung up the phone.

I swore to myself immediately that if we found her, I didn't care what the effects would be; I would not leave her side again. The fact that she had run away to the Denali coven told me that she was not going to let me walk away. The idea that her life might end because I was not there to protect her, was almost more than I could handle. I would let her live out her human life with me by her side, keeping her safe. When she died, I would go to Italy and leave this life as well. If she truly wanted me to make her a vampire, I would. I did not want to live in a world without her. Just not knowing where she was and if she was all right was excruciating.

Finally, after two hours, Charlie left the house with his officers and Renee sat down on the couch with her head in her hands and began to weep. In that moment, I knew I was to blame for all of their pain and Bella's disappearance and I could hardly handle it. I needed to be anywhere else. Listening to her mother cry was tearing me to pieces. Just as I was about to run, I saw Alice coming at me slowly.

Alice looked like she wanted to cry. I had never seen the little pixie of a girl so upset. I had a sudden flash of a dying pixie telling everyone to clap their hands so her light wouldn't go out. However, I was the one who had caused this pixie's light to go out. Bella's disappearance was taking all of Alice's joy, which was entirely my fault. I never should have left her. She finally stood in front of me, took a deep breath and said, "Edward, I know that you feel this is your fault. It isn't. Some things are just outside of our control. Bella made her own choices for reasons we don't understand right now. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. I should have seen her run away in time to stop it. I should have seen it."

With that Alice started to cry. I wrapped my arms around her and held my grieving sister close. Until this moment, I had not even given a second thought to the fact that Alice didn't see it. I knew that there was no way she could see everything. I wished with every fiber of my being that she had but it was not her fault. I took a deep breath and said, "Alice, you can't see everything. We rely on your gift excessively and it is not fair to you. You are not responsible for keeping bad things from happening. Horrible things are going to happen sometimes. Don't blame yourself, please."

Alice looked up at me gratefully. I could tell that she had not stopped blaming herself completely, but that she was relieved that I did not blame her for it. Then she brokenly continued, "Edward, I came because I saw you were going to run, and Renee is about to fall asleep. This is the only chance you are going to get at the house for days. Charlie is leaving someone here at all times. He is furious that he missed the call from the bank. The family should be arriving shortly at the house here. They want to be here for you."

She hesitated for a minute, thinking underneath a translation of the Quran into French, backwards. Then she blurted out, "Edward you also need to know. I can't see Bella anymore, at all. I don't understand it. I've tried every trick I know but I see nothing."

I reeled at the news. Alice had never completely lost the ability to see someone. Humans were more difficult, but to not be able to see her at all was unheard of for Alice. Suddenly Alice said, "Renee is out, you need to get in there now. You only have a few minutes."

I nodded and turned away. I put Alice's problem out of my head for the moment, focusing solely on what I might find in her bedroom.

I scaled the side of the building, not bothering with the tree. I slid the now well-oiled window up and was assaulted by her scent. I steeled myself, mentally reminding myself that I had a job to do if I were ever going to see her again and began to search her room. I searched but was completely baffled. Her room was almost exactly as it would have been normally. Nothing was out of place except that her bulletin board was completely clear. The picture that I had cut myself out of was in the garbage along with the rest of the contents of the board including her calendar and other various mementos. The only things she hadn't thrown away were her photos, which were neatly stacked on her desk, face down. I was going to continue to look but I heard Renee's heartbeat begin to pick up speed and I knew she was getting ready to wake up. I picked up the stack of pictures and found one of the studio senior shots she had done, took it and replaced the stack precisely where it was. Then I turned and climbed out of the window, pulled down the glass and then dropped to the ground just as Renee opened the door. I made for the tree line as quickly as possible to make it out of sight before Renee got to the window. I watched through the trees as she sank down into the rocking chair and hugged one of Bella's stuffed animals to her. The heartbreak on her face was physically painful to see. Then one thought changed everything. Renee saw the calendar in the trashcan and wondered if Bella had told her the truth about sleeping with me. Her thoughts began to be concerned that Bella had run away to find me because she was pregnant. She thought through her conversation with Bella and I froze as the image of Bella's expression burned into my brain.

After a moment, I relaxed. There was no possible way she could be pregnant. Vampires were the best form of birth control. The timing was so strange though. I knew that I couldn't be the father of a baby. I knew that Bella would never be with someone else. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it. Finally, I settled on the idea that her expression was merely because she was lying to her mother about sleeping with me and couldn't explain why there was no way she could be pregnant. I wasn't completely satisfied with my conclusion but it was the best one that I could live with.

I went back to Alice and the instant I reached her, her expression went blank and her eyes glazed over. "Edward – "

Alice whispered and I froze as her vision hit me. She saw Charlie was about to get a lead which would lead him to a hotel. Charlie would arrive at the hotel and find out that room had not been occupied since Bella had used it. He would search the room and find a thermal receipt from the drug store that had been left on top of the room's heater. It was completely black and Charlie could not figure out what was on it. Alice hissed as she then saw that they would take it to a lab in Seattle and once they figured out that there was a pregnancy test on it, they would come looking for me. We would meet with Charlie and he would accuse me of being the reason Bella ran away. I would question him and he would scream at me that Bella left because she was pregnant. I hit the ground and Alice began to cry as her vision continued. Charlie would try to shoot me in rage, losing control, I would be uninjured and the truth would be out. The Volturi would get wind of it when a newspaper article that included an interview with Charlie would say just enough to make them suspicious. They would show up with the guard and kill everyone. One of their own, that I could not identify, under a Volturi cloak would attempt to help us and die in the attack. Alice and I would be forced into service while we watched the rest of the family perish.

Finally, the vision stopped and I was helpless to move. Bella was pregnant. This was completely impossible. Unless of course, I wasn't the father. That idea tore my heart into tiny bleeding pieces. I would not believe that she would ever cheat on me. Ever. I knew my Bella better than that.

My mind was locked in an internal war until Alice shouted my name and shook me violently. I looked at her and she sharply said, "Edward, we have to get that receipt. It's the only way to keep the family and Charlie safe. Maybe we will find a clue they missed which will lead us to her. Let's go!"

She yanked me to my feet. I shook myself and began to run, strengthened by the idea that this might lead us back to her.

As we ran, I rolled the possibility around in my head. I went through every scenario I could imagine. Finally, the simple math hit me in the face. If Bella was pregnant, which seemed to be the truth, there was no way I could be the father. The only way she could be pregnant was by another human. Did she find someone else that quickly? Was I that easy to forget? Then I realized that if we found Bella, she could clear it up and I would have my answers. Cruelly, I reminded myself of the fact that I had wanted Bella to move on and have a happy human life and that whoever had gotten her pregnant was much better for her than I was.

Finally, Alice came along side me and gently said, "Edward, we don't know if the receipt belongs to Bella. All we know is that Charlie believes it does. Please don't jump to conclusions."

I realized that she was right and that somehow I had missed the fact that we didn't know for sure. However, the evidence was beginning to mount against the idea that it was someone else. Finally, we reached the outskirts of town and we were forced to slow. We moved quickly but maintained a human pace- barely.

Alice and I reached the hotel just as Charlie walked into the room to give it one last look. Alice darted to Charlie's cruiser and grabbed the evidence bag from his front seat, took out the receipt and then ran around the building. We both heard Charlie violently swear when he saw the receipt was missing. Quickly, the police officers were searching the area while we maintained a safe distance so we would not be seen. I looked at the receipt as we moved away. The color difference between the ink and the blackened paper would be invisible to the human eye but it stood out as clearly as the lights on the Vegas strip to my eyes. I turned to Alice who had already seen my request before I could ask. She found the drug store on her phone's GPS and showed the screen to me. I nodded and we moved quickly in the direction of the small store.

When we walked in there was a young girl behind the makeup counter who was immediately enamored with me. Alice whispered, "This is going to be easy Edward. Just explain that your sister is missing. She'll help you."

I took a deep breath and put on my most alluring smile. Inside I was miserable, but I knew that it could be the only way we would find Bella. I went over to the girl who stopped breathing when she saw me smile at her which forced me to use every ounce of control not to focus on the thought that I did the same thing to Bella. I leaned over and said, "I was wondering if you could help me with something?"

I immediately regretted my choice of words. The images that burst into the girl's mind were sickening. She raked her eyes over me and gave a smile that I figured was meant to be alluring as she said, "What can I do for you?"

Her mental fantasies became more detailed and I was having a hard time focusing. Meanwhile, Alice was attempting not to laugh at me. I couldn't bring myself to care. I attempted to dazzle her wordlessly and as her eyes grew wide, I knew I was having the desired affect. I was attempting to ignore the thoughts in her head. I sighed and said, "Well honestly, my sister went missing two days ago. The police are moving as slow as molasses in freezing weather. I know she stopped in here a couple days ago. Do you happen to keep security tapes here?"

The expression on her face went from one of lust to sympathy, mostly. "I'm so sorry, hon! We do but I'm not supposed to show them to anyone."

I knew that she wanted to show me but I needed to break through her last barrier. Alice looked at a couple scenarios and figured out that it really didn't' matter what I did, she was going to cave. Internally I was grimly smiling to myself. Alice was right, this was going to be easy. I leaned in a bit more and said, "I'm sure your boss would be willing to help me. We are really worried about Bella. We think she ran because she was pregnant. We think she was worried about how the family would react. My mother hasn't stopped crying since she went missing. Please?"

She thought for another moment and then smiled and nodded. She came around the counter and reached her hand towards mine. I didn't want to take it, but I was so close to getting what we needed and so I held my finger up and then turned toward Alice. While I asked her if she would be alright on her own, I reached out and leaned against the counter inconspicuously and used the bulb inside the edge to warm my hand. Alice nodded at me, and I whipped back around with a winning look on my face. Then I reached out and took the girl's hand as she led me to the back room. The bulb trick worked because she didn't notice any temperature difference in our skin. I found the feel of her hand revolting, especially as she thought about where else she wanted me to touch her. After what seemed like forever, we were standing in front of the system and she was opening the file for the date I wanted. I knew exactly what time frame but I knew I needed to give her a wider frame. I looked at her and said, "We think she was in here in the early afternoon."

The girl nodded and grabbed the tape, handing it to me. I smiled slightly and popped it into the TV next to the system monitors. I rewound to a few minutes before the receipt and saw her at the register. I slow motioned through the tape and saw the cashier scan and bag three pregnancy tests and some water. Bella looked scared and stressed. I knew at this point that I didn't care what she had done. I would do anything to erase that look from her face. I knew I needed to act for the girl and so I said numbly, "That's my sister; that's Bella!"

I breathed out and put a quiver in it, making it sound like I was ready to cry, which wasn't a real stretch in the moment.

Suddenly, I frantically heard Alice screaming in her mind at me that Charlie was on his way. One of the staff had seen her with a bag from this shop and they took the most logical route hitting up all three of the shops between the edge of the city and the hotel. Charlie decided to start closest to the edge of town. Alice was frantically flipping through scenarios, which I whispered to her, "Alice, faked robbery?"

Alice immediately went through scenarios. It would work but I was going to have to knock the girl out. If I hit her just right, she would have no memory of us. I grabbed the girl and said, "I could just kiss you!"

The girl lit up. I smiled down at her and wrapped my arms around her. I reached my hand around and traced up her spine. I looked at her adoringly even though every ounce of me was revolted. Then I reached the base of her skull and began pulling her face toward me, as I found the right spot on her head. With a measured amount of force, I hit the back of her head. Her eyes went wide in shock before she passed out and sank to the floor. I grabbed the tapes for the last week, got the girl's keys, and went out into the main part of the store. We grabbed gloves and two duffle bags. Alice opened the registers and bagged the cash while I put the videos in a bag. Then I grabbed a hammer and used it on the surveillance equipment in the back room. Then we walked out the back door just as Charlie was pulling up to the front. Fortunately, we were near the forest line and so we ran into the trees. I groaned when I realized that this was going to look very odd to Charlie.

I snapped at Alice, "Charlie is still going to suspect that this is where she was."

Alice nodded grimly and said, "He's going to be obsessed with it for a while but since there is no evidence since I wiped down the counter, he'll give up on the idea eventually. The trail is going to go cold and the Seattle police will give up for some reason that I can't see yet."

I knew what I wanted to do next, but I was reluctant to voice it because I did not want to go alone. Having Alice with me was invaluable. Exasperated Alice sighed and said, "Do you really think I would abandon you Edward? I'm going to help her find you. Jas understands. He blames himself and so he wants me to be here, trying to help you find her and you don't need to thank me either. She really is my best friend Edward, I want to find her as much as you do."

Then Alice began to hide her thoughts from me. I growled at her. She snapped, "Edward, you don't need to know everything. I saw something yes, but you don't need to know it, so stop!"

I hated it when she hid from me. She was even better at it than Carlisle. Right now, it was translating Shakespeare's _Twelfth Night _backwards from the original Italian into Japanese. I knew that whatever she had seen was bothering her, a look of worry was creasing her face. She continued with her translation even as she got a new vision. Then she suddenly let go and let me see what she was seeing. A small group of the guard would be in Forks to escort Carlisle to Volterra. When he arrived, Aro would touch him and find out the truth. Then he would disappear from her vision completely and followed shortly by the rest of us.

We looked at each other and wordlessly changed direction. Then I opened my phone and called the house as quickly as the slow piece of technology would allow.

Esme answered quickly and said, "Edward, did you find her?"

I quickly said, "No but the Volturi are about to find us. We need to leave the moment Alice and I arrive. The house needs to look as empty as possible. We are going to have to move to New York now. They are coming for Carlisle and Alice can't see why."

Esme gasped and I could hear her moving quickly and then heard the sound of the metal plates moving into place over the glass. The phone suddenly went dead and I knew that she was so worried that she was moving immediately into action.

I pushed my body to the limit and when we burst through the trees and into the yard, my Aston Martin was waiting for me. No one else was in sight. Alice looked at me and climbed in with me. I drove down the long driveway until I hit the road. Then I floored it. I barked at Alice, "Do we need to go with them or can we head towards Alaska like we had originally planned?"

Alice's eyes were vacant for a moment before she said, "We can go to Alaska. However for some reason that I can't see, we shouldn't call the Denalis and warn them that we are coming."

I nodded and headed towards the highway that would take us to Alaska. Running would be faster but it would look suspicious if we left a car like mine behind.

Driving was excruciatingly slow. It would take us three times as long to get to Denali this way. When we stopped for gas, Alice sighed with obvious exasperation and said, "Edward, do you want me to drive while you go on ahead?"

In any other circumstances, there was no way that I would allow anyone else to drive my car but in this case it was Bella and none of the normal rules applied. I took a moment and then nodded. Alice grinned and said, "Only Bella would- "

Then she stopped and her face fell. She took a breath and said, "Edward, we will do everything in our power to find her."

I whispered, "I know, I hope it's enough."

She agreed with my statement in her head and I impulsively hugged her, before walking behind the store. The second I was in the safe cover of trees, I took off at top speed. I pushed myself, knowing that even a minute could mean the difference between finding Bella and losing her. I was quickly past the Canadian border and making great time. I might make it to their house in record time. I was pushing my body with every ounce of ability my body had. I was thankful that my body did not get tired. The only thing I could seem to focus on while I ran was the idea of Bella pregnant and who the father was. I knew it wasn't me because vampires could not have children, but which human in her life was responsible? I tried not to go through the boys of Forks High and was unable to keep myself from analyzing each one. Then I realized that the Forks High kids were not the only ones in her social circle. Horrified, I realized that one of the Quileutes could be the father just as easily. I never really knew the extent of her friendship with any of them since we could not go near the reservation and anyone from La Push kept a healthy distance from us.

Finally, I arrived in the woods outside their house. I realized that my throat was burning fiercely and that I should hunt before I faced them, needing every bit of focus that I had. I ran towards a reindeer that I could smell and began to track it. The moment it smelled me it began to run in fear. Just as I was about to pounce, someone jumped on it and began feeding hungrily. It took everything I had to keep from fighting for it. Then I realized that it was Kate and I straightened waiting for her to finish eating. Her mind was not in the hunt. Instead, she was reliving her search for Bella. In that moment, my tattered heart broke completely. I saw her confront Bella and the words she remembered coming from Bella's mouth about the father of her baby forced a wordless scream from me as I collapsed in the snow. What was even worse was that she had lost Bella in her shock.

At the sound, Kate looked up from her kill in horror when she realized who her competition for the young reindeer had been. She knew exactly what I had seen and I felt her put her arms around me. I was unable to react. My mind was reeling. That one sentence tore my world apart. My worst fears realized. Her best friend of the people left in Forks meant that the father of her child could only be one person- Jacob Black. Not only was he Quileute, but he carried the gene as a descendant of the tribes' last chief. I could feel Kate trying to get me to move, but I couldn't. I knew that humans were not as constant as vampires, but to jump into someone else's bed so soon after promising to marry me was astounding and completely opposite of the character that I had come to prize in my Bella. Finally, Kate answered it for me in her thoughts. She had been focused on her disbelief at Bella's ability to be with someone else until it hit her. Bella was angry. So angry she was trying to hurt me as badly as she could and she had succeeded. The only thing that didn't fit was that she had been looking for me which gave me a small sliver of hope. I didn't care what she had done at this point as long as she was safe. I needed to find her.

I sat there for so long that I heard Alice approach us and felt her arm wrap around me as well. She looked at Kate and said, "Why didn't you tell us? Why did you lie?"

I knew exactly why. She had lied to protect me from what I was going through right now. Which she explained to Alice seconds later. Then Kate began to remember her response to Bella, which she tried to stop but was unable to do. I sprang from the ground and threw Kate as far as I could. In the distance, I heard a tree fall and spun to face a shocked Alice.

"Edward, what was that? This is so unlike you!" Alice yelled at me.

I couldn't even bring myself to fake an ashamed expression. I yelled back, "Alice- she told Bella- she told Bella I had already moved on and was chasing after some other girl. She twisted the truth about Victoria. Bella ran the moment Kate said it. She ran through a gate- oh God no!"

I realized exactly which gate she had gone through. Kate hadn't realized it at the time, but I saw the print on the banner above the entrance. Bella had gotten on a plane to the worst place she could go. She was in Italy, the home of the predators we had fought to keep her away from. I could only hope by some miracle that she was able to avoid them.

Alice inhaled and started sobbing the moment she saw what I was going to tell her. Kate was running as quickly as she could towards the house. I had scared her so badly that she was afraid for her life. In that moment, I was afraid for her life as well. I had to get control of myself. I forced my body into submission. I dialed Carlisle's phone. He picked up immediately.

Without waiting for a greeting, I rushed right in, "Carlisle, I need a favor. I need a ticket to Italy as soon as possible. I am going to need you to monitor all Italian news and talk to any friends who might be in the vicinity. Carlisle- Bella she's- she's in Italy."

I heard him gasp and quickly begin to give Emmett, Rose, Esme and Jasper directions. Then I heard Carlisle typing furiously at the computer. Finally, he stopped for a second before I heard a loud sound accompanied by a crack. After a moment, he spat out, "Edward, I can't get you a flight until tomorrow. I'm booking it now."

I growled into the phone. Carlisle gently said, "Son, I know this is hard but it's the best I can do. I looked into a charter and there is nothing available. I'm sorry son. I'll let you know if there is anything interesting on the Italian news."

Without another word, I ended the call. I ran towards the house with Alice trailing behind me. When I opened the kitchen door, I saw Tanya in a heated conversation with a vampire I didn't know at first. She was talking about his blood consumption and told him that he was going through too much human blood at a time and that the blood bags were meant to help wean him off human blood, not to substitute for an actual human. Then Tanya saw me and quickly cut off the conversation and the other vampire turned around. I recognized him immediately and a growl came rumbling from my chest. Irina ran in the room and stood between the two of us. When I read his mind I relaxed and said, "I am glad to see that you decided to leave Victoria, Laurent."

Laurent relaxed and then I turned to face Tanya as I said, "Tanya, I need to talk to all of you at once. Bella is in great danger. She's- Tanya, Bella's in Italy."

Tanya gasped and ran from the room. I walked into the living room where the news was playing. Most of the family came in and joined me but Eleazar was missing. Tanya said something about the fact that he was probably still hunting. She ran out into the snow to look for him while I attempted to distract myself. Then the Italian flag showed up in the corner of the screen and I stopped breathing, completely focused on the broadcaster as he said, "Moving to international news, our biggest story comes from Italy where a mass grave was found. The toothless murderers have killed again. Just as before, each victim is missing their teeth and their bodies are severely disfigured. A total of thirty-two dead including one identifiable victim, so rare for this group of killers. The body of a young pregnant woman who is believed to be a runaway from the United States according to an old Italian family who had seen the girl days before. A representative of the Volturi family said that they had seen the girl two days before. She had been sent to them by the advice of a friend and they had turned the young girl away, not knowing she was a runaway or underage. The family expressed their deep sympathy about the young girl's fate. The girl's name is not being released at this time while they attempt to contact her family."

Everything stopped. I couldn't and wouldn't believe that she was dead at the hands of the people she went to for help. Alice wrapped her arms around my frame and her thoughts confirmed what I knew and wanted so desperately to be wrong. In a couple of hours, they would name the victim as one Isabella Swan. I held onto my sister like an anchor and the grief and pain overwhelmed me.

* * *

So- I know it's been a few weeks. I've got a lot going on starting with the fact that Cause and Effect at this point is the last piece of fanfiction I plan to write at this point. I have learned a lot from this process but it is time to move on to my own completely original material. I do plan on posting all of Cause and Effect since it is completed. It has been edited by my and my first pass editor but from here on out ginginlee won't have gone over them with her fine tooth comb so it may be a bit rougher than you are used to from me. I hope it doesn't get in the way but I have to focus on what I am writing now. I hope you all understand and appreciate this community so much for all that it has taught me! Thank you so much for sharing the journey with me!

Reviews are still greatly appreciated and will be read and replied to as always :) The good news is that you are going to get the rest of this pretty fast!


	7. Chapter 6 Lost Time

A/N: I am fully expecting some of you not to like this chapter but I thought it was important to show the depth of his emotions without dragging it on forever. **  
**

**Chapter 6- Lost Time**

_-_-_-_**Year 1** _-_-_-_

**October**

**November**

**December**

I came out of my numb, unthinking state for a flash of my family opening Christmas presents. I could hear and feel the joy of the holiday in their thoughts and their profound sorrow at the two missing people. The image of Bella in Esme's mind pulled me back under.

**January **

**February**

I noticed someone force feeding me. I didn't want the blood, but I didn't care enough to fight. My only reason for life was gone, I didn't care if I lived or died anymore.

**March**

**April**

**May**

I felt venom, cool and wet on my arm. I realized that Esme and Alice had their arms wrapped around me tightly as they cried because they miss Bella and I. I couldn't take the image or thought of her and so a drifted back.

**June**

**July**

**August**

**September**

I suddenly focused on Esme's thoughts. She couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Bella would be nineteen today which drew her thoughts to me and so she sat and began to cry. The pain was more than I could take.

_-_-_-_**Year 2** _-_-_-_

**October**

**November**

**December**

Christmas was so much different than the last. No one can grieve forever and my family had started to move on without us.

**January**

**February**

Valentine's day was more than I could take. The love and contentment was killing me. The actions that went with it were beyond what I could bear. For the first time, I moved. I heard Alice gasp and I launched myself across the room and through the open window. Then I ran to the balcony and leaped from the edge, moving away from the house as quickly as possible.

**March**

Alice finally caught up with me in France. I almost made it to Italy. She was gone. I did not want to live in a world where she didn't exist. The Volturi were the perfect solution now that I could move and remain numb. Alice grabbed me and screamed.

I focused with great effort as she said, "Edward, we are not going to let them take you from us too. We've already lost her. Esme can't stand to lose another child."

I reflected. I did not want to hurt Esme. She had already lost two children, losing another might be more than she could handle. I let Alice lead me, as I slipped away again.

**April**

**May**

**June**

The love in the house was overwhelming me and driving me insane. I screamed out, "I can't take this anymore!"

I ran out the door. A few hours later Carlisle came running towards me.

He wrapped his arms around me and said, "Edward, will you promise not to go to Italy if we get you a place nearby to get you away from the family?"

I nodded and Carlisle said, "I'll take care of it son. I wish-"

Carlisle stopped talking but I knew what he was thinking anyhow. He wished he could take the pain away. He was seeing her face and I couldn't handle it.

**July**

**August**

I don't want to feed, but Carlisle has stopped in to force it- again.

**September**

Esme came by on her twentieth birthday. Jasper was with her. I could tell what they were planning and I scooted away from them, growling at the same time.

Esme turned to Jas, sighed and said, "Son, wait for me at the car."

Jasper looked at me and nodded. Esme held me to her as she sobbed. I felt venom running down my face. I was surprised to find that it belongs to me.

When Esme realized she said, "Oh my son," and held me to her, rocking back and forth just like my mother had done when I was little.

I remember my mother's touch, feel Esme's and desperately wish it was Bella. I drifted away again.

_-_-_-_**Year 3** _-_-_-_

**October**

**November**

I was beginning to see her in my mind, like she was there but the moment I tried to focus on her, she disappeared. I wondered if I was going insane and then realized that if insanity would let me see her again then I didn't think I would mind it. I began to focus.

**December**

Every day I was tortured. I saw Bella's face all day and all night. She stood there and looked at me with a sad expression. Sometimes she would reach towards me, never quite close enough to touch. I tried to go back to my numb unfeeling, unthinking state but my mind would not allow it. Seeing her was the sweetest form of torture, but I was beginning to wonder if I would ever find a way back. It was getting to the point where I was having trouble dealing with the family's infrequent visits, because she disappeared the moment anyone else entered the room. I couldn't block out their thoughts either. They were all concerned.

My phone went off. I looked at it and saw Alice's number. I rolled my eyes with Bella, who smiled at me for the first time. Alice had left a text message that tells me I should come to the house for an hour or two if I can handle it since it was Christmas. I looked back at my hallucination of Bella. Her smile grew, as she gently said, "Edward, my love, go home. They are waiting for you. I'll always be with you but I'm gone love. It's time to be recalled to life."

I smiled at the fact that even my hallucination Bella uses literary references. I was reeled by the fact that this was the only time my hallucination had talked to me. I was floored enough to do as she asked. I got up from the floor, walked over and changed into suitable clothing, gave hallucination Bella another look as she smiled back at me almost as if to say that me leaving was okay. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Alice was on the other side. I walked through it and together we walked back to the house at human speed.

I walked into the living room and the homeyness was almost more than I could take. Emmett and Rose were snuggled together in front of the fireplace. Esme and Carlisle were looking at each other lovingly and Jasper's face lit up when he saw Alice in the doorway, not noticing I was behind her; no one has noticed that yet. Carlisle sighed and said, "He wouldn't come?"

Alice looked sad for a minute and then stepped out of the way. Esme stood up like she'd been stung, and stared for a full second before running and throwing her arms around me. Carlisle whispered, "Welcome home, son."

I looked down at Esme. I saw Emmett and Rose shift apart and I could tell that they both decided to separate, to make things easier on me. I mumbled out, "I'm sorry."

Esme's arms were immediately around me again and she said, "Son of my heart, there is nothing to be sorry for."

Emmett immediately moved to the tree and began to hand out gifts. As we opened, I soon realized that I had three times as many as the others and it quickly dawned on me that these are the gifts I hadn't opened the last two years as I sat there like a zombie plus new ones for the current year. I was overwhelmed. I knew how much they all loved me and I was thankful for it, but there was a gaping hole that had hollowed out the soul that I never believed I had before, which left me little more than a shell. I had no way to respond to this love.

The two hours it took to open gifts was excruciating, but I make it through. I gathered my gifts and made for the door. Esme's thoughts grew sad. She had been hoping I would stay. I turned to her and gently said, "I can't- there is too much here I can't handle. It's too soon, but I will try."

I knew that my family needed me and counted on me. In my current state, I was no good to them but they continued to care. I was thankful but I couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. I wanted to but I couldn't. Every once in a while, my imaginary Bella would speak to me, but most of the time she was there silently looking on, as I grieved for her.

**January**

I was seeing less of my hallucination. I had to leave the house before she would come back to me. It was strangely like my Bella, and so it was comforting. The last time I walked to the main house and found Emmett home alone. I didn't say much but we sat and played video games for about two hours before I realized how long it had been. I felt like I was doing better. I still missed her with every fiber of my being and would have given anything to hold her again, but I was so used to the grief that I was able to think beyond it some of the time.

**February**

I focused enough to see my hallucination in front of me again. It had been days since I had seen her. Even leaving no longer helped. She came towards me and I almost felt her hand ghost over my skin as her apparition reached out towards me. She smiled wistfully and said, "Edward, you've needed me for so long, but it's time. You don't need to see me anymore. You know that I'm with you always. I'll always love you but I don't want you wasting your life, grieving me. Edward, it's time to start living again. You are strong enough now, love. Be happy."

My imaginary Bella leaned down and I could swear I felt her really kiss my head as the vision disappeared for good.

**March**

I am going to the main house at least once a week. I still can't stand to be around them when they are off on their own. The thoughts are too painful, knowing I will never have that now but I can be with them some of the time, which is making everyone really happy. I can see an overall change in my family. They are not as happy as they used to be. I am not the only one this has effected.

**April**

**May**

**June**

**July**

**August**

I am going home everyday. I almost live with them again. I still spend the evenings on my own. I think about Bella always but some of the time, I find myself doing slightly better.

**September**

I spend her birthday alone. I can't bear to be around anyone else on this day. My Bella would have been twenty-one. I am hit with the idea that by this point we would probably be married. I am furious that I don't have her with me. I leave the house and run into the forest. I start knocking down trees. I catch the scent of a pair of teens who are in the woods having some fun. They are just using each other. To see something I can't have and have it not be real for them is almost more than I can take. They smell good. I decide that I am thirsty. Just as I am about to commit to the decision to make them my next meal, Carlisle runs into view. I mumble my sister's name. Calmly he says, "Son, I know it's because you're hurting, but you'd never forgive yourself."

Then he turned and walked away. He was right as usual. I move away until I couldn't smell or hear them anymore and begin to search for appetizing animals.

_-_-_-_**Year 4** _-_-_-_

**October**

I try to spend a full twenty-four hours in the house. I am successful, barely. I think they are intentionally holding back from each other, but everyone is blocking me as much as they can.

**November**

**December**

This Christmas, I spend the whole day with them. Esme is thrilled and so are the others. I decide to give Jasper the one thing he wants. I don't know if I can handle it, but at this point the only reason I am still with the living is for them.

I take Jas aside and say, "You have something you've been wanting to say for a long time."

Jasper's eyes widen and he says, "Edward, you are my brother. I know that I am responsible for this in part. I wish I could-"

I can't let him get any further before I say, "Jas, I can't take much more, but you should know. I never blamed you. I still don't blame you. I never will blame you. You were not only combating your own thirst, but the rest of ours as well. Besides, you were not the one who chose to leave her behind in the first place. That was all me. So don't you dare."

I choke up, not able to say anymore. I can feel the emotion of Jasper's response and hear how grateful he is. I lift the corner of my mouth and then run.

**January **

**February**

**March**

I attempted to move back in with the family. It lasted four weeks. Tension is running high in the house because they are not expressing their feelings for each other. I am thankful because I know I can't handle it and yet I know they need to be able to do so or it is going to ruin their relationships.

I decide that they all need some time without me around.

**April**

I ended up in London, wandering the streets and wanting every brunette girl to be her. I know it's impossible, but I still dream of it.

**May **

**June**

After prompting from Carlisle, I attempted to move back in again. Within two weeks, Emmett and Rosalie move out. I can't blame them. They are the most physical of the couples. Esme and Rose design a house and they move into it.

Things are almost normal with the exception that there are much more frequent hunting trips. I know why and can't believe they would sacrifice that much for me. I am grateful that I don't have to hear it all through their thoughts.

**July**

Carlisle ambushes me with the fact that they are going to enroll me in August. Carlisle tells me that he is starting to get questions about me and that it is needed for appearances. I reluctantly agree to go back to school, but I refuse to go to high school and so Carlisle enrolls me in New York University with Alice and Jasper, both to keep an eye on me and to put us all in a smaller house together, giving Esme and Carlisle the house to themselves.

**August**

This is the last day of my solitude. I have spent the last four years on my own and now I am recalled to life. Even a broken heart cannot stay isolated forever. It is time and every ounce of me hates it but I am recalled and I must heed the call.

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I am trying to post a chapter a day until you have it all. This one is somewhere around 28 chapters. I don't believe in breaking up the story evenly but to tell it in the pieces that feel natural and so last chapter was LLLOOOONNNNGGGG and this one is much shorter.

Let me know what you think- was the way I wrote this effective? Did you love it? Hate it? Why? Reviews are very important to me. They help me grow as a writer :) Please hit that review button?


	8. Chapter 7 Writing

This chapter is a bit shorter than the last and picks up two years after the last. Since it's been a few days you are getting two in one night though to make up for the length and delay. Thanks for sticking with me!

**Chapter 7- Writing**

I ran into class late, yet again and the professor glared at me. He was reviewing our latest stories. No matter what I wrote, or how cleverly I disguised it, Bella was my heroine and I was the hero, finding her somehow after a long absence outside of our control. I groaned internally as I realized that he had again selected my piece to share with the class. Most of the students in the room couldn't stand me as it was, because of all the attention I got from Professor Kent and his choice would only reinforce their feelings. My role as his favorite kept me from being forced to make friends or endure inane endless small talk from my dull human classmates around me and for that I was grateful.

As the professor droned on about my story, I tried everything I could to focus anywhere else. I didn't want to have a breakdown in class. Writing out my daydreams and fantasies about the ways I would somehow be reunited with Bella helped while I was writing them, however once they were finished, I couldn't stand to read them again. For some reason, writing them fueled my imagination and let me slip beyond the bonds of my reality where the only person I had ever truly loved was dead. However if I read them, I couldn't turn my brain off as it screamed at me that she was gone and I would never see her again,

After what felt like an eternity, the class finally ended. Just when I thought I could escape, I heard the professor decide that he was going to keep me after class. I wanted to get away from him again, but then I heard in his mind that if I avoided him somehow again, he would just email me and summon me to his office for an official meeting which I had a feeling would be much worse. I sank back down into my chair as I waited for him to approach me, which he did once the room was clear. He waddled towards my seat and stood in front of me until I finally looked up at him. He looked at me with an expression of understanding and sympathy as he gently said, "How long ago did you lose her?"

I looked back at him with my full attention and warily said, "She's been gone for six years. It took me four years to even be able to function around people again."

He stared at me for a moment, remembering his wife before she died and wondered if I felt at all the way he did. I didn't want to discuss it with this man, but I knew I would just fuel his curiosity by evading his questions. He was determined to get the whole story and I could either tell him or let him question me. I sighed as my phone went off, knowing without looking that Alice was advising me on which road to take.

I held out a finger to the professor, whipped out my phone and read Alice's message which read that if I told it, I would get out of there much sooner than if I allowed him to question me about it. I typed in a quick reply and pushed my phone into the pocket of my dark blue jeans, before turning my attention back to the man in front of me.

Just as he was about to start questioning me, I took a deep breath and said, "This is going to be difficult to explain a bit lengthy. You might want to have a seat." He nodded, gave me a sympathetic look and moved a chair to face me.

I took a calming breath and said, "Her name was Bella. She transferred to into my high school our junior year. She was the daughter of the town's chief of police. From the first day, I was drawn to her, as she was drawn to me. It took some time, but eventually we ended up together. I loved her more than life itself. The day she turned eighteen I asked her to marry me and she said yes, although we planned to wait a while. That night, my father told us we would be moving due to a job offer he received. I didn't want to leave her behind but I knew there was no possible way I could ask her to come with me. I loved her more than life and I didn't want to leave her, pining after me, waiting and so I lied to her and told her that I didn't love her or want her. I refused to tell her where we were going. She was devastated, as I was, but I was determined that freeing her was the right decision. My father had not realized that I proposed to Bella and when he found out, he sent me back. I was too late. She had gone in search of me, and they found her body in Italy. She was pregnant when she died. I'll never forgive myself for her death and the death of the child growing inside of her. If I hadn't lied, they would still be alive."

I broke down, taking huge gaping, shaking breaths as I tearlessly sobbed. Even the cover story was painful to tell because it was just too close to the truth. The professor sat there in shock. His thoughts were chaotic until he realized that I was talking about Bella Swan, having heard the story on the news. I tried to force myself back under control, but it took far too long before I could stop. The professor sat there and waited patiently while I calmed before he said, "You can't blame yourself for something done with the best of intentions. You were very young. You still are very young. You will be able to move on eventually son. Your writing makes a lot of sense now. Every heroine you write is your Bella, isn't it?"

I nodded, unable to speak. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I want you to think about something, Edward. I know that you love her, but do you think that Bella would want you to put your life on hold, not moving on, spending all your time mourning her or do you think she would want you to move on eventually and be happy?"

I knew the answer to the question. Bella was the most selfless person I had ever met. I knew she wouldn't want me continuing to mourn her death. I was a vampire though and change was difficult. Bella had changed me so much and I had no desire to go back to the way I was before she turned my world upside down. I knew though that she wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my existence this way. Every ounce of me wanted to go to Italy and just end it. I knew that Alice would stop me and that Bella would be disappointed in me. Bella would want me to live, well exist, and be happy. I didn't know if I ever could but I would try for her. He was right. I couldn't remain in this state forever. She would always be the love of my existence and I hoped that somehow Carlisle was right about our souls because I could not imagine a life after this without her. I no longer believed that I would just cease to exist because it gave me no hope to ever see my Bella again.

Bella wouldn't want me to be so broken for so long. I couldn't bring myself out of it alone though. I knew there was one Cullen I could turn to. Jasper felt like he owed me and this would give him a chance to help. I could ask him to help take some of the pain away until I was able to move on without his influence. I knew before I asked that he would be grateful to help me, because he was feeling every ounce of what I felt.

I stood swiftly and looked at the professor with determination. After a quick beat I said, "Thank you, for this. You helped me gain perspective that I needed."

As I turned to go he gently said, "Son, Bella wouldn't want you to continue to mourn her, do it for her if not for yourself, Edward."

I saw him think about his wife and how she had told him the same thing before she died of cancer. I saw that his greatest regret was his inability to forget her and move on. I wondered if Jasper would be willing to help him as well as I walked up the aisle out of the lecture hall and into the cloudy, polluted New York campus beyond.

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hmm... I wonder what Edward is going to ask of Jasper...


	9. Chapter 8 Trying to Cope

To all my loyal readers,

Before you read this chapter you should know that I hated writing it this way but it refused to be written any other way. I hope it all makes sense now!**  
**

**Chapter 8- Trying to cope**

When I arrived back at the mansion, Jasper was outside waiting for me. I rolled my eyes and he said, "Alice says we are going hunting and that you need to talk to me."

I nodded and wordlessly ran into the trees with Jasper trailing me. I knew I wouldn't lose him and so I pushed myself as fast as I could move, as Jasper tracked me from a distance. I finally found something remotely appetizing and sated my thirst. Jasper watched from a distance, having already taken care of his needs, waiting from me to finish the hunt and trying not to interfere. I finally stood from my crouch and nodded. Jasper came closer and then plopped down in the grass. I gently sank to the ground to join him. He looked at me for a split second before his thoughts wandered to why I was apprehensive, noting the despair and trying with every ounce he had to ignore it.

I took the moment to figure out how to ask him to do what I needed. I knew he would help me, but I also needed him to know what I wanted and what I didn't. I wanted the agony to lose it's fangs but I did not want other emotions to replace it.

I looked and Jasper and said, "I need your help. I think it's time to try using your ability to help me move past the pain. Bella would not want me to be this miserable for so long. She would want me to move on and enjoy my life and with all this pain there is no way I can do that. I'm asking you to take some of the pain but I don't want other emotions. I think taking the edge off will be enough to help."

Jasper looked at me long and hard. I knew what he was thinking but I knew he would be annoyed if I didn't allow him to voice his thoughts. After a moment he said, "Edward, I don't understand where you are coming from on this. Are you doing this because you are ready to move on or because you think it is what Bella would want?"

I knew the honest answer. I was doing it because Bella would not want me to be miserable, not because I was ready. I felt like I would never be ready to move on which scared me. It had been six years and I still expected her to come around the corner, throw her arms around me and tell me that she has missed me. I knew it would never happen. I knew she was gone, but something in me wouldn't let go of the idea. I knew that Jasper could feel what I was feeling and wouldn't believe me if I lied but I knew I had to say something. I looked at him and said, "Jasper, if it were Alice, would you ever get to a point where you were ready to move on?"

Jasper's thoughts immediately considered the situation and realized that if he were in my place, his reaction would be the same. He would move on because it would be what Alice would want, not because it would be what he would want. He looked at me and gravely nodded. Immediately, I felt the pain, heartache and despair lighten. I knew it was false but it was enough to not feel it all. I was finally able to smile for the first time since her eighteenth birthday. It was like a weight had been lifted.

The moment we got home, Alice hugged Jas and me while she whispered, "Boys don't tell anyone else. I can't see it going well."

Alice was blocking me but I decided that I would trust her judgment. I just didn't care as much anymore. Without Bella, life meant little to me, even with the mood lift from my brother.

For weeks, Jasper continued to give me the same amount of relief. I forced myself to write a story that did not have a female heroine at all. It was still a man losing love, but it was about his acceptance and the attempt to move on with his life. Professor Kent wordlessly handed it back to me, but I could tell that he thought it was not my best work. He understood why I had written it and was proud that I was making the attempt. For the first time in his teaching career, he had graded on more than the simple merit of the composition which was causing him a bit of guilt but he shrugged it off, knowing it was for a good cause.

As time went on, Jasper continued to take some of the pain from me. I started to become more interested in what was going on around me. I noticed that Jasper and Alice were blocking their thoughts from me, but I couldn't seem to care.

For my final assignment in Professor Kent's class, we were assigned the task of writing urban fantasy. He personally found the genre repugnant, but with the intense interest in the area it was necessary. He had put his least favorite off to the last. I knew exactly what I would write. For once, I would put the whole story, the real story on paper. I would use real names and the truth. No one would believe a word of it. I felt like I needed to do it.

Alice smiled at me when she saw what I was going to write and offered to help me edit it. For the first time, I was able to reread something I had written.

The day we were supposed to get our work back, Professor Kent pulled me aside and said, "Edward this is remarkable. I have never read anything so heartfelt or honest. I know it is an embellishment on your life but this would sell. If you would like I could put you in touch with some publishers who would die to get their hands on a book like this."

I smiled at him and said, "Sir, this was purely for myself and my family. No one outside of my family and this class will ever read it. Although I am extremely flattered that you found it good enough to publish."

He nodded with understanding. A small part of his mind began to question how much of the story was truth and I knew no one else could ever see this. It would only take one person to see the wrong thing to have the Volturi breathing down my neck. It was the last thing I would ever need.

Reluctantly, he handed the manuscript back to me and said, "Son, keep writing. You'll go far. Of all the students I have ever had, you have been one of the most impressive. There is only one girl I taught during my sabbatical in Italy that had the same kind of gift that you do. Sometimes I think the greatest pain produces the best artists. She had ghosts in her past that also refused to let her go."

I caught a flash of amber eyes and brown hair but before he brought the whole image to focus, he shook it off remembering the girl's creepy younger siblings and I gasped. Whoever she was, she was a member of the Volturi, I was certain. Every vampire knew what Jane and Alec, appropriately nicknamed 'The Witch Twins,' looked like so they knew to avoid them as much as possible. I was suddenly thankful I had not entertained the foolish notion of publishing because he was already on the Volturi radar. Jane and Alec would never forget a face.

I excused myself quickly and left the campus. The fact that my professor had a run in the with Volturi was concerning. It made me just uncomfortable enough that I wasn't sure New York was the best place for us to be anymore. I knew I needed to talk to my family. We were planning to spend some time in Alaska this summer, I began to wonder if we shouldn't just consider a move.

The moment I walked in the door, Alice grabbed me and frantically said, "You're right and I wouldn't have seen it before now. He is going to run into the Volturi again. Jane doesn't like him for some reason that I can't figure out. She's going to kill him and find a copy of your manuscript on him, leading her straight to our door. We have to move and you have to recover the story, Edward. We will leave the Aston Martin for you and you can catch up."

I gave her a hard nod and then ran back out the door, headed straight for Professor Kent's house.

As I stood outside waiting for him to fall asleep, I wondered how I didn't see his desire to steal the story in his head. Just as he crawled in bed, he pulled the copy he had made out of his bag. I smiled when I realized that he hadn't copied it to sell it, but so he could read it again for himself. He fell asleep just as he reached the point in the story where I took Bella to the meadow for the first time, where I realized that I wanted her more than her blood. Thinking about Bella was still overwhelming. I was not used to the pain anymore but without Jasper's near constant presence, it was beginning to hit me again with full force. I knew the faster I took care of this, the faster I would be back with the family. I reminded myself that Bella would have wanted me to move on. With that thought, I climbed from the tree to the wall. I slid the window open and grabbed the packet of paper from him. I used the paper to start a fire in the far corner of the attic. As soon as the roof caught, I ran for the fire alarm, using my lighter to set it off. Then, before he could open his eyes, I ran through the door to his room and leaped through the window. The moment I was out of the house, I began to run for my car. I wanted to get back to Jasper and his pain relief. I had begun to look at him as a vampire equivalent of aspirin, lessening the pain enough to be bearable.

The moment I got in my car, I was assaulted. Somehow, there still lingered a faint scent. I rarely drove it and all I could focus on was Bella's scent that had permeated the interior. I sat there until my phone began to buzz. Alice was the only option. I picked it up absently and answered. She proceeded to scream into the phone that I needed to get out now. The Volturi were closer than she had originally thought. There was a vampire she couldn't see with them and it made her even more concerned. She told me that if I allowed them to find me, my future completely disappeared. It was enough to get me moving. I pulled out of the driveway quickly, racing out of town at top speed. I heard the thoughts of two members of the guard for a brief moment as I rushed away from the city. By the time I reached the state line, the fire was all over the news. They could tell it was arson, but they had no idea why anyone would burn the home down. The only far –fetched theory they had was a student that had reason to be upset with him. The professor had been completely unharmed with the exception of some mild smoke inhalation. I was thankful that he was safe, and that the Volturi had no reason to harm him.

When I arrived at our house in Alaska, after setting up my room and hunting, I decided that I did not want to spend the summer in the house. I drove to the University of Alaska and enrolled in their creative writing program. For once, I had them transfer my credits from New York University and after agreeing to pay all of the late fees and full tuition I was set to start classes the next week.

Jasper continued to help me deal with my pain. Esme was beginning to suspect what was going on, but she had no proof and chose not to confront us. Alice and Jasper followed my lead, both choosing to join me in the creative writing program. They were now continually blocking their thoughts from me. I had no idea what was going on and honestly no longer cared. My greatest hope was to get through each day remaining as numb as possible. I didn't want to feel anymore. I began to go through the motions. My writing suffered. It was technically perfect, but lacked the passion of my work at NYU.

By the third week of classes, Alice and Jasper had made a few friends, most of whom were couples. They begged me to come with them and hang out. I refused repeatedly. Finally, the last week of the term Alice came to me frantically and said, "Edward, we need your help. Ashley and Jackson have this friend named Kristin. She is in town on vacation. We were planning a double date but they don't want to leave Kristin out. We were wondering if you would be willing to act as her date for the evening. We've already explained to her about Bella and she understands. Would you come with us, please?"

I had no desire to go but then Jasper deliberately reminded me that if I didn't come, I would be home for hours without his influence. Suddenly, I felt a breath on my neck, warm and gentle as I heard a faint whisper that said, "Edward, be happy."

I collapsed on the ground, crying. I knew it was just my imagination, but I also knew that was exactly what Bella would want. For once, Jasper couldn't get through and numb the pain.

For some reason I found myself introducing myself to Kristin and ushering her towards my car that evening. Kristin was intriguing and intelligent. She was also desperate to sleep with me. I hated every minute and was thankful when I was able to drop her off.

As soon as school started, Alice found another girl that they needed me to escort. I did it and soon found myself as the blind date to a few other girls. I had no interest and was getting tired of being manipulated. By the time Thanksgiving hit, I was ready for a break. I begged Alice and Jasper to go with me to see the Denalis. They agreed eagerly and then quickly disappeared on a hunting trip for the second day in a row. The whole family was still trying to be sensitive to my needs, which I both appreciated and hated myself for.

The next day we left for Denali. We chose to run, knowing it would be faster than our cars could ever be. From the moment we arrived, I was paired off with Tanya. Irina had Laurent and Kate had just met Garrett while he had been passing through their land. Tanya and I were the only single ones in the sea of couples.

On Thursday, we spent the day playing baseball, something we had not done since the day James took interest in Bella. At first, I was able to ignore it, but as the game progressed, I was unable to push the memories away and Jasper was far too focused to keep my emotions at bay. Finally, I gave up and ran until I found a spot to look up at the stars, only seeing Bella's face and not their pinpoints of light in the night sky. I was beginning to realize that the pain was not getting any better. But Tanya burst through the trees and tackled me, burying ourselves in the snow. I could hear Jasper and Alice nearby but ignored them when I realized what they were up to. Tanya pouted when she realized that I was not going to wrestle with her. Finally, she gave up and pulled me into a sitting position. She never left my lap. I couldn't bring myself to care. Finally, she said, "Edward, let me ask you something."

I nodded and said, "Tanya, I know how long I've been without Bella to the fraction of a second. I know she was meant to be my mate. I know that she's gone and that she would want me to move on. I am attempting that, but so far it isn't working."

Abruptly Tanya smiled and said, "Perhaps you're simply not distracted enough," as she started to frantically translate a Stephen King book that I was unfamiliar with into Russian.

I sighed and said, "Perhaps you're right Tanya but I don't know how else I could distract myself at this point."

Tanya grinned from ear to ear and then said, "Like this."

Suddenly her lips were on mine, soft, warm and sweet. The feeling was so foreign from Bella's heat. This was comfortable, while Bella's kisses scorched me. I was about to break away when everything changed. Suddenly, all I wanted was to rip the tiny pieces of fabric that were supposed to pass as clothing from her body and plunge into her. I wrapped my arms around her and began to respond, forcefully. After a few minutes, Tanya got up and said, "See? There is hope for you yet." She laughed and pointed at my now obvious erection.

Tanya came back with us and enrolled with me in the creative writing program at the university. She moved into one of the guest rooms and took me out to a movie the first night we were there. Esme was now alarmed and Carlisle was concerned.

The moment we arrived in Anchorage, Tanya became nervous and started to block me. It seemed like everyone had something to hide and had almost gotten used to the idea. The movie was a zombie flick and I found it pointless. There were many mythical creatures that existed in our world, but zombies were purely a human concoction that seemed to be a twist on vampires. Tanya grabbed my hand the moment entered the theatre and lead me to the back corner. A few minutes into the movie and Tanya was straddling my lap, kissing me with all her skill. I tried to get her attention so we could stop and watch the movie when she ground down on me. I was instantly hard. I didn't want her like this, but the feeling was overwhelming and I soon found myself moving in response to her body. I didn't want to do anything with Tanya but for some reason seemed to have no control. Her short black skirt was ridding up further with ever move she made. I slid my hands down her back to the curve of her now exposed ass pulling her against me as I intensified the friction. Tanya reached down and flipped the button of my jeans open, dragging the zipper down until she was able to free me from my boxers. The feeling of her hand on my dick was amazing and for once, I was thoroughly distracted. Tanya leaned towards my ear and whispered, "I have a room waiting. Let's go."

I froze instantly, my head clearing. I spat out, "Get off of me. Now."

I was furious. I couldn't believe she thought I was ready to be with anyone else. I didn't know why I was so attracted to her physically. I knew that my mind wanted nothing to do with her. She looked at me with shock and then quickly complied. I put myself back together and marched out of the theatre.

The moment we arrived back at the house, she apologized and told me that she knew I wasn't ready to go further. She begged me to give her another chance. I had no desire to repeat the theatre incident, so I refused.

Two weeks later, Alice and Jasper asked Tanya and I to go hunting with them. I hated the idea of being that close to Tanya with so few other members of my family, but I needed to hunt desperately. I felt Jasper's familiar mood lift and we set off into the snow covered pine trees. I was the first to complete my hunting quickly, bagging and draining what I needed. Tanya followed suit seconds later. Alice and Jasper were being more picky. They left us in the clearing to go find something more appetizing. The moment they were gone, all I wanted was to throw Tanya to the ground and take her. I knew she wouldn't mind. Tanya grinned when she saw my aroused state and said, "Well, look at this. Seems like Eddie is in the mood to play."

She grinned and threw herself at me. We collided and landed in a snow bank. She was kissing me frantically and attempting to tear the clothes from my body. I was doing the same. I felt myself grind against her as I took one of her exposed breasts into my mouth sucking and nipping until I heard her think that she needed me inside of her. I tried to keep going, but I couldn't. I pushed her away and ran for the house, leaving her frustrated and angry.

I climbed directly into my window, not wanting anyone to know that I had come back early. A few minutes later, I heard Jasper and Alice as they approached the house. They came in asked Esme if she had seen me. I was not ready to face anyone and so I didn't let them know I was there. They went to change so they could go looking for me. The moment they closed their door Jasper started to become suspicious as my feeling began to register. Alice finally stopped blocking her thoughts and in that moment, I shattered. Alice was contemplating if using Jasper's gift to force my attraction to someone else was really a good plan. My reaction to Tanya was not of my own accord. Jasper then whispered, "Alice, I think he's close."

Alice screamed as I ran downstairs towards their room. Esme, Carlisle, Rose and Emmett all came running as I pulled the door from its hinges throwing it at the opposite wall. I screamed, "You did this intentionally? Those feelings weren't me at all?"

Jasper calmly said, "Edward, you wanted the pain to go away."

I lunged at him, going for his throat. Emmett grabbed me for me before I reached him, knocking me out of the way. Carlisle shouted at me for the first time since I had left to hunt humans, "Everyone stop and go to the table now!"

Shocked into submission, they all paraded down the stairs. Carlisle looked at me challengingly and said, "Edward, Bella would be ashamed of this kind of behavior."

I screamed back, "Jasper, he-" and then I broke down on the floor, shaking with sobs as Esme rushed to wrap her arms around me.

Carlisle knelt next to me and said, "Edward, you need to explain."

Jasper came up the stairs quietly and said, "I used my gift on him to make him go after Tanya. He just figured it out."

Carlisle stood and with a in a furiously calm voice said, "You will go find Tanya now and explain yourself. Then you will report back here. Do you understand?"

Jasper nodded and rushed out the door. Carlisle joined Esme on the floor and together they held me as I sobbed.

It took me forever to get myself back under control. The moment I could trust my voice I said, "Carlisle, I asked him to help me dull the pain, not to do- this."

Carlisle said, "Edward, is that why your mood changed this spring?"

Without looking into his face, not wanting to see the disappointment that I could hear in his voice I nodded. Carlisle gently said, "Son, why would you do this?"

I whispered, "Because Bella wouldn't want me to continue to be miserable for forever. She would want me to move on and have a life without her."

Carlisle's arms tightened around me as he said, "Edward, I knew I should have said something to you. I was afraid of this honestly. Edward, Bella would want you to move on and be happy but she would only want you to do so when you were ready. She wouldn't want you to force yourself into a life you hated and weren't ready for. Edward, even I can tell that you aren't ready yet son and that's okay. Bella just wouldn't want you to stay miserable out of guilt or a sense of duty. She would never ask you to hurt yourself in this way, because this won't help you. Jasper's influence isn't real, it's like the effect of a drug, it masks the pain. It doesn't help you heal it. Bella would want you to heal, not run from what you are feeling."

Every bit of pain that Jasper had been sparing me from suddenly came crashing down on me. Then it was complicated by guilt for what had happened with Tanya. I had only been seconds from having sex with her. I was repulsed, furious and hurting so badly that I just wanted to get on the next plane to Italy and beg them to end my existence. Eventually, Carlisle let me go and walked down the stairs to address the rest of the family. In a dead calm, I could hear Carlisle ask Rose and Emmett if they had known what was going on and Rose softly told him that they did but they never thought it would affect me this way and that they felt horrible. All of my siblings explained that they were trying to help me.

I suddenly couldn't stand to be there a moment longer. I looked up at Esme and said, "I have to go, I can't be here right now."

Esme sadly nodded as she let me go. I ran for the front door. Alice and Jasper were immediately behind me, grabbing me. I turned on them and screamed. "Haven't you done enough? Let me go!"

Alice gently said, "You have every right to be furious with us, but I'm not about to let you get on a plane to Italy, Edward."

I could hear Alice's anger at herself because she had not seen that this would be the result of their meddling. Then I saw why she had done it. For some reason no matter what she tried after a certain point in the near future, she could no longer see me at all. Then the rest of the families futures would disappear. She did get occasional glimpses of the rest of the family but I was never in them. I stared at her and said, "This is the only future you see for us?"

Wordlessly, she nodded.

Alice's face fell further when she saw what was going to happen next. According to Alice's vision, Tanya was about to burst through the trees and three seconds later she did. Before she could get a word out I said, "Tanya, Jasper was telling you the truth. I am sorry, I would never intentionally lead you on like that."

She was furious. She strode over to Jasper and slapped him across the face with almost enough force to take his head off. Then she spun on her stiletto heels and ran from us as fast as she could.

By the next day, I had moved out of the mansion and into a small house four miles away from theirs, buried deep in the wilderness. I dropped out of school and let the misery have me again.

I knew that Carlisle was right. I didn't know why I hadn't seen it before. Bella would want me to be happy when it was real. By not working through what I was feeling and ignoring it, I was sabotaging myself for failure. I would never heal if I continued this way. I needed to heal in my own time, no matter how long that took. However, if I had gained anything from the experience, I learned that Bella was it for me. Moving on with someone new was never going to be possible for me. Even without the pain, at the heart of everything, being with someone else was too hard. Bella was truly my mate. There could be no other. I was doomed to a solitary existence. I wanted to go to Italy but something held me back. I had a speck of hope so small it was like a single star in a black sky. I had no idea where my hope came from, but I clang to it, desperately wishing that she wasn't gone, knowing that there was logically no reason to hope but something would not allow me let go of that final speck of light in the depths of dark despair I now existed in.

After a few months, I was able to forgive Jasper. I knew that he was genuinely trying to help me. Esme remained angry for far longer than I did but she eventually was able to move past it. I would visit the family frequently, but I didn't feel like I belonged with them anymore. The hurt was too overwhelming and their joy brought it into even sharper focus. I went back to my writing. Again, every female main character was Bella and every hero was me, finding my Bella again somehow. I wrote drama, horror, suspense, thrillers, fantasy, and science fiction and every time they ended with me finding my Bella.

Exactly a year after the Tanya incident, Esme came in holding a package. Instantly, I knew what she had done. She hugged me and set the package in my lap, knowing that words were not necessary. I ripped open the package to find a letter about how pleased they were to publish the work of such an incredible new author and that they looked forward to my next submission. As I looked at the advance copy of the book underneath, I knew exactly why Esme had chosen to submit this piece. It contained the one thing she had always wanted and could not have. It was the only story I had ever written with a pregnant Bella, this time, carrying our child, instead of whomever she had chosen to sleep with.

The first book that was published was almost completely ignored. The first printing didn't completely sell out and they decided not to do a second for the time being but I was encouraged to submit something else. I sent in a couple of manuscripts but my heart wasn't in it. The writing was really for me.

I spent so much time talking to Bella. The hallucinations were gone but I spoke to the air as if she was there. My mind imagined what she would say and it was comforting. I wrote letters to her, imagining what her response would be. Every two weeks like clockwork, one of my siblings would show up at my door to go hunting with me. I hated it, but knew that keeping myself fed was necessary. I didn't want to attack anyone. My heart ached for my Bella. I didn't make it very many days without having a complete breakdown. Nothing helped take away the pain. I could distract myself for a while, but then like a tsunami the pain would wash over me and wreck me again. After the Tanya incident my family became very understanding but sad. They missed me but knew that I needed to work through this on my own. There was no quick fix. This was my reality now.

* * *

Okay, I know everyone must be furious but remember- just because they are vampires doesn't make them perfect. Edward is not the only one who makes mistakes.

I really want some reviews on this one. I promise more very soon!


	10. Chapter 9 Going Back

Warning! This chapter is - _intense_**.  
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**Chapter 9- Going back**

I was writing at my desk, a story where we rescued Bella from James after he had kidnapped her and tried to make her his mate. I had just reached the point where I was wrapping my arms around her for the first time in almost ten years, when my cell phone started vibrating across my desk, making more noise than my actual ringtone. I looked at the screen, saw Alice's name and automatically answered.

Alice spat out, "Edward, we need you at the main house- now! There is going to be trouble."

I didn't bother responding, but ended the call, changed into fresh clothing and ran to the main house. The rest of the family was convened at the table for a family meeting. They were all carefully blocking their thoughts from me. I was somewhat curious and walked in to take my place at the large table.

The moment I sat down, with no preamble Carlisle said, "Edward, we are moving again. Alice has seen something that is coming."

I looked at Alice and said, "Alice, is it the reason for your visions blanking out?"

Alice nodded, still blocking her thoughts.

"Would someone like to give me the whole story?" I snapped.

Alice nodded and then said, "Carlisle, this will be better coming from me."

Carlisle nodded and then Alice took my hand. Whatever was going on was going to be bad. Their thought blocking and Alice's caring gesture told me as much. It was beyond frustrating.

Finally Alice softly said, "Edward, the Volturi guard are coming for us. Carlisle is going to Volterra to try to head them off, but we know it won't work. The only advantage is that Aro will send a small contingent instead of coming himself with the full guard and the wives. Aro is coming to break up Carlisle's family. He has decided that we are too large. Last month, Peter and Charlotte arrived in Volterra. Aro forced Peter to shake his hand. Two hours ago, after long deliberations, our fate was decided. Aro will force you, me and Jasper to serve in the guard while he kills the rest of the family. Right now, his plan will mostly work."

I couldn't take it anymore, and said, "Alice, what does mostly work mean?"

Alice whispered, "I think the reason you disappear-"

Blankly I finished her statement, " – is because I don't make it out of the battle alive."

Alice nodded, Esme began to cry and I was numb. It was what I had wanted for so long. I was ready for this existence to be over. Living in a world without Bella was just too painful.

Alice finally said, "Edward, there is one more thing. This isn't going to happen here. We are moving to a new place. I don't understand why, but we are going back to Forks."

I walked out of the room, found the couch and collapsed into a ball and felt the gaping hole get bigger. Forks was the one place I _never_ wanted to go back to. The house held far too many memories. Everywhere I turned, I would see Bella. It was like my own personal hell, made just to torment me. I wasn't alone for long. I felt Esme's arms wrap around me and cradle me to her. She really was my mother in every way that counted. Eventually, the rest of the family joined us and after quite some time I was able to continue the conversation.

"Alice- are you sure that going to Forks is necessary?" I forced out, using all my strength to remain in control.

Alice's thoughts were quite clear. The only way we had any chance of those flashes that she had seen of the rest of the family was to go to Forks. If we remained here, we would all die, there was no room for interpretation, and everyone disappeared for good.

The only thing that even remotely mattered to me was keeping my family safe. I knew that if I could help them, it was my duty to. I was going to die, what was a bit more torture to make them safe. I could go to save their lives. It was the only thing that could force me to go back there. It would also give me a chance to say a final goodbye before the battle, one more chance to catch a whiff of her scent. One stop at Charlie's before it was all over.

Carlisle said my name to get my attention, "Edward, I have to leave with Garrett in twenty minutes. He is my excuse for going to Volterra. He wants to let Aro know of his decision to join the Denalis. Before he met Kate, he was considering joining the guard. He feels honor-bound to inform Aro in person. Alice sees that part of our meeting going well. I am sorry to have to burden you with this son after you have suffered through so much."

In a very father-like gesture, he hugged me to him like I was a small child and held me a moment. Then he kissed Esme goodbye, hugged the rest of my siblings and left.

In no time at all, we were packed and driving towards Forks. Every mile closer felt like the hole in my chest was growing. When we passed the pull off that led to the meadow, the pain overwhelmed me. I pulled over, unable to go further. After a moment, someone opened the door, picked me up, put me in the passenger's seat and got in the driver's side. I had never allowed anyone to drive the Vanquish before, but I was too hurt to care. All I could do was stare out the window at the familiar scenery. As we drove through the town, almost every building brought up something of Bella in my memory. The worse moment, was driving past Forks High School. We had to stop because school was just ending and there was a long line of cars waiting to leave the parking lot. Some of the teachers and students noticed the cars and most were shocked to see such expensive vehicles. One young teacher's thoughts were particularly loud. Angela Cheney instantly thought of our family when she saw the cars, which made her think about Bella, causing her eyes to tear as she remembered her friend. I finally made the connection that she was the same Angela that we had go to high school with and that she must have married Ben. They had the life I had dreamed of for Bella and I. I whimpered and Alice rubbed my shoulder in comforting circles, knowing that being here would hurt. As we sat and waited, every moment with Bella replayed in my mind. From the first day in Biology to the last day- the day she had agreed to wear the promise ring and marry me someday. After an eternity, we were finally able to move away from the school slowly, stuck behind all the student traffic.

When we finally pulled into the drive, which had been cleared for us by a nearby landscaping company, I dreaded the moment the house would come into view. All too soon, I was staring at the place where everything had changed. The last place I had seen my Bella conscious. We were stuck here. It had been too long and not long enough since we had lived her last. Too long to still pass for the ages that we appeared to be and not long enough for the people of the town to die off. We were going to have to keep to ourselves while we were here or go far enough from Forks to keep from being recognized.

That night, I left and went into town. Alice knew and I assumed that when she didn't stop me, that my trip would be safe. I opened the door to the Volvo for the first time in ten years and was assaulted with the sweet agony that was Bella's scent. Somehow, after all these years the upholstery had retained her smell. It was even stronger than it had been in my room. I took a deep breath, savoring it as my mind went back to the first time I had her in my car, after the near disaster in Port Angeles. I turned the key and somehow the car started without protest and realized that Rose had not been working on her car today but the Volvo. Her scent was faint but distinguishable on the steering wheel where she had gripped it to start the car.

I drove though the sleeping little town; avoiding the normal route I would have taken. I left my car parked behind the pharmacy a mile from Charlie's. I walked quickly, knowing that there was no one awake in the area who would see me. The moment Charlie's house came into view, I froze. So many memories came flooding back to me, especially as I focused on the window over the front door that looked into her bedroom. I went to the tree, climbed it, noticing its slight growth in the passing years and then I was looking into her room. Nothing had changed. It was waiting for her just like the day she must have left, the DVD I had sent to end it, still sitting by her computer. The moment I lifted the window was like being hit by a semi. Her scent was almost as strong as being around her. Every inch of the room was still permeated with it, only mixed with a faint note of Charlie and copious amounts of dust. Charlie rarely bothered to clean it, which in this case I was thankful for. I stayed there all night, until I heard Charlie begin to wake. I knew I could not risk coming here often but I was glad I had the chance. Just before I climbed out the window, I did the one thing I had never done before and whispered, "Goodbye my love, my Bella."

I gently moved out the window, lowered it back into place and walked back to my car, feeling the pain with a slight solace of peace at my chance to say a permanent goodbye.

When I got back, Alice was blocking me from her thoughts completely. Something had happened but she was refusing to let me know. I called out, "Alice, what are you hiding?"

Alice retorted, "Something you don't need to know brother of mine, stop worrying."

I growled slightly and then went to my room. I could hear Esme's joy at the slight bit of life in our short conversation and was reminded once again that I was really a shell of the person I had been and that my family was still suffering Bella's loss as well.

The next few days, Alice was actually joyful. There wasn't a single hint of sadness left in her. A large part of me resented it. Bella had been her best friend. A smaller voice reminded me that, time does heal wounds. The only one who was not going to recover completely was myself. I was glad that she was able to have joy, even though the rest weren't there yet. I wondered if she was trying to enjoy the last few weeks she would have me with her and then decided that it didn't matter.

The next day Carlisle was finally set to return. Esme was happy because she had missed him. The moment he came into the range of my ability, I could tell that something was wrong. He was thinking at me that I needed to prepare myself to hear something very difficult. Alice gasped and ran from the house as a flash of something came to her. I sat on the couch somber and focused. Carlisle was convinced that the information he was forcing himself not to think about might even be worse than losing Bella had been for me. I was floored and was hoping with everything I had that he was wrong. The moment he walked in the door Esme ran to him, threw her arms around him and kissed him. She wanted to disappear into their room like they usually did after an absence, but Carlisle sadly shook his head and walked toward me.

He sat on the couch and took a shaky breath. Then he showed me the image of a strange girl who appeared to be around my age. She looked almost like a vampire except from Carlisle's memory she had a heartbeat. I looked at him desperately and quickly whispered, "Carlisle, what is she?"

Carlisle wrapped his arm around me and gently said, "Son- she is a vampire – human hybrid. Her mother was human when she was conceived, her father was a vampire."

I stared at him uncomprehendingly for a split second before it sank in. I breathed out, "Carlisle- that's impossible."

I was determined that it was some cruel kind of joke or a trick on the Volturi's part. Sadly Carlisle said, "Son, there is no doubt. Aro confirmed it showing me his picture documentation of the girl growing up and told me that there were other cases they had found after investigating the phenomenon."

The awful realization began to sink in and I screamed as Esme and Carlisle held me, both crying with me. Bella had lied to Kate. She hadn't slept with anyone else. The baby girl she had been carrying when her body was found was mine. I began to chant, " No, no, no, no, no," over and over again.

After a moment, Esme whispered over me, "Carlisle, I don't understand."

Carlisle began, "It took me a while to come to the conclusion that Edward has Esme-"

I held my hand up to stop him and in a dead broken voice said, "Bella lied. There wasn't anyone else. The baby was mine."

I heard Jasper, Alice and Esme's thoughts the instant my statement registered with them. I called out, "Jasper-" and almost instantly my brother was in front of me, sending me every wave of lethargy, comfort and numbness that he could as I tried to drift away from the pain.

After a few hours of the numb abyss, Jasper slowly began to remove his influence at Carlisle's request. There would not be a repeat of the Tanya incident. I now knew why I would be lost in the fight. I was going to let myself be killed. I was not going to be able to recover from this. I needed to get away from them. I needed to be on my own to think. I abruptly shoved them all away and ran from the house, not caring where I was headed. The moment I left the sphere of Jasper's influence I almost fell, from the sheer pain and heartache. I ran until I found myself in sunlight as recognition dawned on me that I had gone to our meadow.

I screamed as I sank to the ground, scaring every form of life away from me as fast as it could move. Then moments later, Rose and Emmett's thoughts began to invade mine, recognizing the voice that was screaming. They ran to the clearing and were in front of me in seconds, abandoning their kills mid-feed, not caring about their hunt for once. Rose grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her as she asked, "What's wrong Edward?"

I knew they needed to know. I brokenly said, "I'll tell you if you promise to leave. I can't take being with others right now."

Rose and Emmett nodded, suddenly very worried for me. "Carlisle came back today. He met a young girl in Volterra named Nessie. She is a vampire-human hybrid. Her mother was human when she was conceived, but her father was a vampire."

Before I could say it, horror spread across Rose's face as she let out, "Bella lied to Kate. The baby- oh God, Edward!"

Then Emmett caught on and bitterly spat out, "God, can't he get a break- he can't handle anymore! He's already been through more hell than anyone should have to deal with. He doesn't need this too!" uttering the first prayer I had ever heard pass my brother's lips, which I would have found interesting if I could think about anything else.

Gently, they both wrapped their arms around me in the attempt to provide comfort. After a few moments I choked out, "I'm sorry, but please leave. I need-"

Rose kissed my forehead gently, grabbed Emmett's hand wordlessly and they ran towards the house both telling me through their thoughts that they understood.

For the first time in the past decade, my thoughts were consumed not with Bella but with the child, we had both lost when Bella's life was taken. The hole was now so big that I was only a shell of myself. There was nothing left. My hope was finally gone. I was thankful for the pending fight. I would not have to suffer much longer. I stayed in the meadow for two days before I heard something growl and a familiar awful stench filled my nostrils. The wolves had no idea we were back. A russet colored wolf entered the meadow on extreme guard. His mind was intense and fascinating. He could hear the thoughts of the whole pack at once. Then he stopped suddenly at the order of his alpha and shifted to reveal Jacob Black.

Gruffly he said, "Cullen- what are you doing here?"

I knew I had to explain for my family, although part of me desperately just wanted him to rip me limb from limb. In a monotone drone I said, "The Volturi are coming and we are to fight them from our house here. Please feel free to send representatives to our house. Carlisle will be more than happy to explain. I need you to go now, Jacob."

Jacob looked at me and correctly assumed that there was something seriously wrong with me and ran from the meadow, shifting as he hit the edge of the trees.

I lost track of time, the days and nights blurred together. Jasper came to check on me occasionally but otherwise the family let me be, which I was thankful for, until the day before the fight when Carlisle came. He sank to the ground with me and wrapped his arms around me. Then he said, "Oh, my son. If I could, I would take this hurt on myself for you. You have been through so much."

His thoughts were remembering the pain of watching his own human children grow up and eventually die from a distance all without their father. It was the closest thing he could use to relate to what I was going through. He had watched his human wife, Catherine, die in the arms of another man.

Of our immortal family, only Carlisle and Esme had been married while they were human. He knew the pain of losing a wife and children. Although he eventually had found Esme to replace his long dead wife and the rest of us to replace his human children, he would always feel the pain of losing his other family. I knew from Esme's mind that there was no true recovery from the loss of a child. She found comfort in the rest of us, but her arms still ached to hold her baby.

I stood and walked from the meadow, towards the house. I was ready to face the Volturi. I was ready for the pain of this life to end. I only hoped that Carlisle was right. I wanted heaven. I knew what was waiting for me there.

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*hides behind my computer chair*

Kind of nervous about how everyone is going to react to this chapter. I really want honest feedback on this one please!

Review please?


	11. Chapter 10 Facing the Volturi

An: Okay, this is just a short little bit but it needed to be it's own chapter.**  
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**Chapter 10- Facing the Volturi**

When I arrived, Alice grabbed me immediately and I was blasted with the image of myself smiling, radiating joy in a tux at the top of the stairs ready to go downstairs. Alice said, "Edward, I know it doesn't make sense now, but trust me."

Alice was hiding from me again, desperately locking down her brain. I didn't want that vision because it would be without Bella and without my daughter.

Suddenly, Alice was hit with a vision of the guard coming within the hour. Alice called out, "They are coming in fifty-two minutes. Something changed and I can't see why."

By the end, she was almost yelling. Instantly, my family was moving to action. We all changed quickly. Just as Esme was about to close the metal paneling over the windows we heard the approaching footsteps, but I couldn't hear any of their minds.

I growled out softly, "I can't hear their thoughts," with panic evident in my tone.

Quickly we filed out the door to face the guard.

When I looked, there were only four figures standing, waiting for us. Alice had told us that there were supposed to be more than this. The young hybrid girl from Carlisle's mind was standing there in the flesh. I could hear her heart beating wetly in her chest but her scent was less appetizing than any human I had met, it was a delicate mix of human and vampire. I saw two small vampires who could only be Jane and Alec but their expressions were softer than I had ever expected and their stance was casual. Something was out of place. The fourth figure hung behind the other three completely enveloped in a dark gray cloak a shade darker than Jane and Alec. It seemed as if the guard had a new weapon. I was suddenly distracted by Alice who seemed almost happy as she looked at the cloaked figure who had been staring back. Then the obviously feminine figure turned their head towards me. I could not see her face, but somehow knew that whoever she was had her gaze on me. She moved slightly in an abrupt manner. I could not figure her out. There was a strange energy that seemed to be radiating from her and I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away.

Carlisle grew tired of the silence and harshly said, "What do you want from us? We know you have come to destroy and acquire. I warn you, we will not go without a fight. Renesmee, I am surprised to see you in the company of these killers."

There was a split second pause before Jane said, "Carlisle, we had no knowledge of why we were here until we arrived. We believe this course of action is wrong. We will not fight with the guard against you. If it comes to that, we will take your side. We cannot tell you our reasons, but please believe that we want to protect your family from this harm. After the confrontation, we will return to Volterra and make Aro's greed and corruption widely known if they refuse to leave your family alone."

Carlisle was reluctant to believe them. He mentally asked me if I could read anything from them at all and I kept shaking my head slightly to let him know that I couldn't. As the time slowly crawled on, I became more and more frustrated. The only other time I had ever been this cut off was with my Bella. I was almost to my breaking point when the hybrid girl reached back and grabbed the hand of the anonymous women who quietly laughed for a moment. Her laugh was like daggers to my heart. It sounded beautiful and familiar but I couldn't figure out why. Then the hooded vampire bent down to whisper in Nessie's ear, "He's a mind reader and right now I'm stopping him. I don't think he likes it much."

Her voice made me realize why her laugh was familiar; it sounded almost like my Bella and I felt the bleeding gaping hole grow a little bit more. The girl laughed and it grew again. The pain, along with my frustration caused a growl to slip between my teeth unbidden.

Carlisle glared at me before saying, "Forgive my son, he feels uncomfortable when he cannot read other's minds."

Alice glanced at me and gave me a look of sympathy, almost as if she knew exactly what was bothering me. Esme looked at me with confusion and compassion. Jasper sent a bit of calmness my direction. Emmett thoughts shouted out to me that he felt sorry for me. Rose rolled her eyes at my immaturity.

Jane smiled smugly at me and then addressed Carlisle, "Renesmee's mother is a mental shield. We did not want to accidentally share with you more than we had planned. After all, we are still a part of the Volturi and have secrets that we cannot share. However, Ness can show you the commitment of our cause, if you like. She is much more practiced at blocking her thoughts from others."

When I heard the girl's full name it struck a chord that I was too annoyed to attempt to figure out. Then the girl stepped forward and held her hand out toward me with a smile on her face. Her emotions shining in her eyes were extremely complicated.

The moment she grabbed my hand I saw some of the meeting in the woods while she carefully avoided looking at the cloaked woman who she called mom. Then a thought she didn't mean to release began. She was thinking about how much she wished she could tell me everything. Then she got control and shared that she could not lie through her thoughts and proved it by recalling an incident where it had gotten her in trouble with her 'Uncle' Aro.

I gasped at the idea of anyone considering Aro in such a way. He must have been extraordinarily careful around this sweet child. Hastily, I confirmed the Volturis' claims, wanting to ease their anxiety. I smiled at her for a moment, thinking about how much I would have wanted my little one to be so sincere. That thought though made me see the image of the body they were sure was my love and the pain overwhelmed me again.

Jane and Alec went over the whole plan with us in detail. I was honestly surprised and hopeful for my family that it would work. Once they finished and we solidified some details, they turned in perfect unison and walked away. When they hit the tree line, the hooded woman turned back to look at us, seeming to focus on me again. I was intrigued slightly by her when a gust of cool breeze blew the cloak around her, showing more of her figure. The moment the wind hit me, my eyes widened and the hole in my chest consumed me. The smell was beautiful and overpowering and almost identical to my Bella's. I sank to my knees and without meaning to choked out, "Strawberries- and freesia."

The girl gasped, cried out and then turned and ran into the trees. Whoever she was, she had surely been sent to torture me or maybe she would be the one to take my life. Maybe her smell would be the last scent I experienced, the final taste on my tongue. Perhaps it was God's way of granting me some small final kindness in this doomed existence. I didn't know and I didn't care. I could feel hands as they picked me up and carried me into the house.

Late in the afternoon, I heard Alice let me know silently that Nessie would be arriving soon. She was going to be staying in the house during the fight to keep her safe.

Just before twilight, I heard two sets of footsteps and the quick heartbeat of the girl. I looked out my window to see Alice hugging the hooded figure and promising to care for her and then Alice's thoughts disappeared for a moment. The anonymous girl was shielding her, probably just to annoy me. Then I heard her voice, so tortuously familiar thank Alice. I walked from the window, not wanting to see her walk away.

The moment the girl came in the house her thoughts were immediately on finding me. Alice was going to help her for some reason. I had no desire to torture myself any further than I already had. I ran down the stairs and out of the house. I could hear the pain in Nessie's thoughts and became even more agitated with myself.

I ran straight towards the meadow, wanting it's serenity to help ease a bit of the agony gripping me so that I could be clearer for the upcoming confrontation. The moment I reached my clearing though, I saw that I could not escape even here. In the center of my meadow was the hooded figure, admiring how her hand sparkled in the sunlight. Then she turned quickly to face me. The moment she saw my face she took half a step back and her scent overwhelmed me again. It was cruel that someone who was supposed to be our enemy smelled just like my love.

After a moment, unthinkingly I spat out, "What are you doing here? Haven't you disturbed us enough?"

Immediately, her whole body slumped and she looked down slightly. Instantly, I felt guilty. The poor girl was probably trapped in service to the guard. Someone so gifted would not have been given a choice. I tried to think of something to say but before I could, the opening in her hood faced me for a moment before she turned on her heel and ran from the only sanctuary I had. While her scent lingered all I could imagine was my Bella running into our meadow to face me in shock. Then I would run towards her, wrap my arms around her and tell her that I lied and why I had really left. Then I would get to press my lips to hers and instantly everything would be fine. Another part of my brain told me how unrealistic I was being but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Exactly thirteen minutes after she disappeared. all traces of her scent were gone. A large part of me wanted to find her and follow her just to be able to inhale her heavenly scent and remember but I knew that it was a bad idea. Going near someone who reminded me so strongly of Bella was only going to make things worse.

I sank to the ground and remembered every moment of the first time I had brought Bella here in an attempt to not follow the Volturi girl, but every few minutes my memories were overcome. Finally, my phone vibrated and I found a message from Alice telling me that I needed to get back to the mansion. The family needed me there to discuss strategy. I quickly sent her a reply and reluctantly ran towards the mansion.

When I arrived, the strangest site I had seen in my long existence assaulted me. There, sitting uncomfortably on Esme's pristine white couch were four Quileutes from the reservation. The moment I walked into the house, I knew exactly why they were there. The wolf pack had been reformed in our absence. We had hoped that the last pack was the final one, but apparently, we had been wrong.

"Ahh, here is my son, Edward. His gifts will make him a central part of this fight," Carlisle said, nodding towards me.

Two of them took me in with indifference. The girl was annoyed that she had to fight alongside vampires and the last one, was furious with me. I looked at him for a moment until his features rearranged themselves into something familiar and I recognized that young man as Jacob Black, the one who had approached Bella at the prom. He was almost vibrating with anger at the sight of me. Apparently, he had feelings for Bella. As he thought about Bella, his visions became ridden with lust and I growled at the young boy who exploded into his wolf form at the sound.

The leader of the group rolled his eyes and humbly said, "Carlisle, I'm sorry. Jacob is still relatively young and occasionally had a problem controlling his emotions. Give me a moment to settle the young pup down."

Carlisle nodded, his eyes alight with curiosity, having never seen a wolf phase before. The leader, Sam, walked out behind a now wolfed out Jacob and the moment they hit grass he phased as well. They stood there glaring at each other for a few moments until Sam figured out the source of our quarrel. He then proceeded to give Jacob the nonverbal tongue-lashing of a lifetime. He was angry and equated our mating to the vampire version of imprinting. I was intrigued by his theory, but was quickly distracted when the silent communication ended and there were two naked young men on our lawn. I ran upstairs and grabbed two pairs of Emmett's shorts and tossed them out the window to the two wolves. Sam silently thanked me for my concern and I nodded.

The moment I rejoined the group Jacob reluctantly said, "Edward, I'm sorry. My thoughts about Bella were inappropriate."

"Please, try to keep her from your thoughts, I can't focus, I can't-" I said, fading as the emotion overwhelmed me.

Jacob was aghast at how broken I was without Bella, but attempted to focus on their purpose for being there.

"Carlisle, we will assist you in this. We do not want these vampires here. They are not like you and we will help you rid the area of them as quickly as possible. Moreover, we relish the idea of sinking our teeth into _some_ vampires. Given that there is a chance of that, we have no problem participating. We would like to go outside and familiarize ourselves with your families' scents so that during the fight we do not become confused," Sam said gravely.

He was concerned. He didn't like the idea of being in league with vampires, but knew after Jacob's encounter at Charlie Swan's house that he didn't want them anywhere near the people of Forks and the surround areas. They decided to gather the pack and wait in the forest surrounding our house for the opportune time to reveal themselves if necessary. They were all eager for a fight since they hadn't killed a vampire in such a long time.

The only thought I had as they left, was that I was glad we rarely had dealings with the members of the Quileute tribe. Jacob Black had really gotten on my nerves. I was not looking forward to being around him again.

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Reviews are always greatly appreciated! More coming soon!


	12. Chapter 11 Unexpected Turn of Events

**Chapter 11- Unexpected turn of events**

As the sun began to brighten the sky, Alice had a vision of the Volturi coming slightly sooner than we had assumed. Her vision also turned out favorably until she blocked the last portion of it from me. I growled at her, not enjoying being left in the dark. Alice gave me a slight look, laughed and wordlessly ran from the room to find Jasper. I quickly tried to focus on anyone else, wanting to block their current activities from my mind. Sometimes I wished I had some kind of mind bleach to erase all of the images my family's active love lives had forced into my brain. The only mental images I wanted were the ones of Bella. The memories were all I had to hold onto now.

"Son, I need to speak with you about what is going to happen this morning," Carlisle said, interrupting my thoughts of Bella.

I nodded, not wanting to take the extra effort to speak.

Carlisle plunged ahead, "Son, I need your head with us for this to work. The hooded girl, the shield may let it down to give us the advantage if things don't go well today. You must be focused to use that tactical advantage, if she gives it to us."

I knew Carlisle was correct. They needed me to save their lives. I had a responsibility to my family. I nodded again.

"They are almost here. We need to get outside and be ready for them. The faster this is done, the better. The wolves are already in place and ready to go," Alice said, moving towards the door.

The rest of my family went to their significant others and took a moment together. I could hardly handle the love that was coming from their minds and so I moved to the door, opening it swiftly and walking to my place.

The guard was already there, moving into place with seamless action, never breaking rank, stopping as their cloaked leader did. I was very curious about this girl, more curious than I had been about anyone besides Bella. Again, I couldn't hear their thoughts, she was blocking me. Then her scent hit me and it took everything I had not to stagger backwards. My mind went blank and I forced myself to focus on my family and the guard. My family needed me to keep them alive. Even though they had not left the cover of the forest, I could see the anonymous girl focused on me again. They stopped just inside the tree line to solidify their formation, if that were even possible before stepping into the clearing.

They all stared at us as they moved into their places. The moment they stopped, all but the leader flicked back their hoods with a quick wave of their hand. The something I couldn't quite catch happened and they all shifted to face different members of the family. I ended up with Jane in front of me, the last vampire I wanted anywhere near me. I could read the shock in the minds of my family as they watched the Volturi move together seamlessly. I knew there had to be a trick to it, but couldn't care to figure it out. For a moment, the Volturi stared at us as my family began to figure out how to combat the individual in front of us as well as the next two closest members of the guard. Alice seemed off but I couldn't place it. Then I felt something strange. I could hear the thoughts of most of the guard. They were blocking me somewhat ineffectively, probably to protect Volturi secrets. The hooded woman nodded silently for towards Jane.

Jane nodded back and said, "Carlisle, you and your family have been accused of crimes against the vampire world. We are here to read these charges and to dole out your sentence. You will be given a chance to defend yourself once the accusations have been read."

Carlisle nodded gravely at Jane, trying to keep his wits about him, knowing that one wrong move could turn into disaster for all of us. Carlisle knew the protocol well and had instructed all of us so that the guard would have no excuse to act prematurely. Alec removed a scroll from the folds of his ankle length cloak and began to read. The accusations were colorful and complete fiction. They were obvious pretense. Aro truly was here to acquire. He had finally made a mistake. He placed too much trust in his guard and now it was going to backfire.

I heard them before I could smell them. Then the acrid scent assaulted my nose, which wrinkled in disgust even though I fought the reaction. The wolves were not happy to be a part of this little adventure and most of them hoped that the plan would not work and they would get to kill some vampires. For the most part, they attempted to keep their wishes in control, but Leah was unable to reign herself in. I could understand why. She blamed us for what had happened between her and Sam. In a way, I could see her point. We were the reason that the wolves had started to phase again. Imprinting was a result of our proximity.

The three lead members of the Volturi were unresponsive at the sight of the wolves standing like nothing had happened. The rest of the guard grew uncomfortable and began to try to figure out what to do about the unforeseen foes. Then the wolves began to move into place in a military type fashion, much like the Volturi had upon their arrival. This created chaos and confusion in the minds of the royal guard. We had the opening necessary for our plan to be effective.

Alec finally finished reading, no one really paying attention to him and then Jane said, "Carlisle do you have any response to the accusations?"

Carlisle thought through his response quickly, nodded at Jane and calmly said, "My family and I are not guilty of the accusations brought against us. These are not children of the moon. For one thing, it is daylight. Children of the moon are stuck to nights with a full moon. Another thing is that unlike true werewolves, these creatures can control themselves and their transformations. Jacob?"

The long list had mentioned our treaty with werewolves, citing that we were siding with our natural enemies. Jacob Black chose that moment to begin to move to the space between the two groups. He was trying to maintain his composure but had no desire to show his true face to these vampires. He knew he was creating a greater risk for himself, which was why he had volunteered, not wanting to force the responsibility on their alpha, Sam or force anyone lower down in the hierarchy to take responsibility. Jacob found a bush that was just the right height and shifted. The whole guard turned to look at the evidence. The hooded figure seemed to take in his form in an appreciative way, which bothered me for some reason, that I could not place my finger on. Then Jacob phased back all their eyes were back on us, the hooded figure again focused in my direction.

Carlisle was about to continue his defense when Jane held up her hand and turned slightly to the central figure. If I had not expected it, I would not have seen it. The woman took a deep breath and then began to walk towards me. Her scent filled the air and it took every piece of strength I had not to run over and drink her scent in. She got so close that I was beginning to see the general outline of her face. She stopped between Carlisle and myself, studying us for a moment. Then she whipped around abruptly to face the guard.

A rough, masked voice said, "Now, you have seen that the accusations against this family are false. However, I can tell you that these accusations were only an excuse. If we were to contact the council now, they would find another reason for this attack. I intercepted a letter from Aro to Jane. He wants three of this clan for their unique abilities. The council now sees it fit to attack other covens and just take what they want for themselves. I will stand by silent no longer while they destroy other's lives. Most of you know the condition of my placement on the guard. This is to be my last mission. According to the council, I am to be released of my service; however, that is also not their intent. They intend to take my daughter from me and force me into continued service. I will not stand by and idly take this. My daughter will remain here, out of their grasp, and I will return to face their corruption of power. You have a choice to make. Do you fight with me against the council, or do you take the lives of innocents and give the Volturi free reign to take whatever they want, no matter the cost?"

The moment she finished speaking, a new shield went up to cover the rest of the guard. They all stood motionless, staring at her in shock, disbelief and I thought I detected signs of horror on a handful of faces. Almost robotically, Felix reached into the front pocket of his black pants and removed his cell phone. He worked the display for a moment, and then held the phone up in the air.

The moment someone picked up Felix said, "Aro, things are very different here than you assumed. The Quileutes are not traditional werewolves. They are merely shape shifters who maintain human-like control while shifted."

Then he touched another button just in time for a tiny voice to coldly said, "Take them out anyway. The Cullens are too powerful to be allowed. I don't care if they are real wolves or not. I want Alice, Jasper and Edward for the guard. Do it. Now!"

The faces of the guard morphed into shock, anger and disbelief. The hooded girl continued to block me from their thoughts.

Felix shook in rage, but his voice came out in a detached calm tone as he said, "As you wish. Your orders regarding the girl still stand?"

Aro's voice was guarded and wary as he said, "Of course. If this is a problem, I can send Chelsea to assist you."

Felix gravely said, "Her presence will not be necessary, Aro. We will take care of it."

Felix clicked another button and then put the phone away. He took a deep breath and said, "I don't know about the rest of you, but I have never been away from Chelsea as much as I have been lately. I am finding her influence is greatly diminished. I find that I do not hold the council in the same regard as I had previously. I believe they are wrong."

The Felix took a step towards the mystery woman and Demetri followed a split second later. The shield protecting the rest of the guard suddenly fell. The rest of the guard was shaken to the core. They knew what this action would mean. They all innately understood this meant a fight in Italy if they refused it here. However, most of the guard also knew that the moment they arrived back in the castle, they would never have this much freedom of thought again. A girl named Felicia shook herself, took a firm stance and then joined Felix and Demetri. Then Heidi realized something that should have been painfully obvious. The reason that the guard was able to throw off Chelsea's influence was simple. Something had interrupted it. She gazed at the girl and thought that it was – and then she walked into the shield's circle and I was cut off. She had been a word away from revealing the cloaked girl's identity and chance had taken it away from me. Slowly the group under the shield grew until Jane and Alec were the only ones left outside. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that they had already planned to side with Nessie's mother.

They looked for a moment longer and then twin smiles spread across their angelic faces. They moved swiftly towards the hooded girl and threw their arms around her simultaneously. The force of their impacts threw the woman's hood back to reveal long brown locks with a slight wave and ting of red. The girl gasped and recovered her hood. In that brief glimpse, my brain started making obvious connections. Her hair, her scent, she had a daughter – my heart didn't dare to hope but my head was forcing the conclusion on me in larger and larger waves.

I took a step forward and then one piece clicked – Alice. If she was my love, Alice would have seen it, would have said something to me. The hope was instantly dashed and I began to sob, collapsing on the ground. The hole in my silent heart was consuming me. I no longer had the strength to fight the pain. It overwhelmed me completely. Rose and Alice's arms were almost instantly around me, trying to comfort me. Alice was moving her mouth for some reason but I couldn't bring myself to care. The haunting girl backed away from me into the midst of the guard. Then they began to move away, towards the tree line, leaving at last. Alice bent down and softly whispered, "Edward, ask her!"

I looked up at my sister in confusion for a split second and then was on my feet, wondering why Alice had been so insistent. I moved towards her, I was going to ask her, and pull back her hood to see her face. I needed to be certain. Just as I reached her, Jane and Alec threw themselves between us, keeping her just out of reach. I knew that they could put me on the ground almost instantly and I would never get any kind of an answer.

Therefore, I straightened and forced out, "What is your name?"

There was no finesse, just raw need in my tone and I knew it had affected her because she began to shake.

She seemed to stand there, torn, for an eternity before she whispered, "Marie."

Then she walked out of sight gracefully with the rest of the guard following behind. I stared after her, wishing with all my might, that another name had left her lips.

I began to move towards the house, intent on changing and then going to the meadow again when Alice held a hand up, wordlessly asking me to stop and directed her thoughts towards me.

_Edward, we will leave in exactly two days. You need to pack your room. You don't have time to go back there. I'm sorry._

I nodded reluctantly, her thoughts echoed in Carlisle's mind. I knew I had work to do. It would keep me from focusing on the strange girl. A moment later, the door cracked open and Nessie peaked out at us. She looked at all of us, her expression unreadable, her thoughts effectively contained. Someone had trained her well. Looking at this little slip of a girl, a representative of what I could have had, what my foolish choice had taken away from me, the hole threatened to overwhelm me.

I rudely turned away from the girl and bitingly said, "Alice, keep her away from me. I can't take it."

Nessie's face fell, tears glistening unshed in her eyes. A small part of me felt horrible for hurting her, but I knew it was the only way to keep my sanity. I focused on Alice who nodded and thought about how much she wished things were different and that I needed to tell the poor girl that it had nothing to do with her.

I nodded once at Alice, turned to Nessie and said, "I can't be around you. It has nothing to do with you, dear one. It's just too painful for me. I'll explain someday, if I can. I'm sorry – please don't take it personally and please respect my needs."

The girl looked at me crestfallen and nodded, biting her lip in a gesture that mockingly reminded me of my Bella. There was just too much humanity in this little one and I couldn't stand it. I swept past her, into my room and attempted to block the thoughts of my family by blasting some ridiculous rap CD that I couldn't stand.

I packed my room, the task helping me shut off my mind. I tried not to think, I tried to stay numb, knowing that being around this girl was going to be even more painful than I originally realized. More than anything, I wanted what I had lost all those years ago. I wanted my Bella and my child. Nessie was fates' cruel reminder of exactly what I had lost.

The next morning my family went to meet with the guard again, wanting to offer their assistance in Italy, seeing it as the least we could do for them considering the fact that they had spared our lives. Alice begged me to go with them but I refused, relieved at the idea of an hour or two on my own. Nessie went with them, intent on spending whatever time she could with her mother. I was thrilled at the idea that I would have a little while without her around. I knew I was going to have to figure out how to be strong enough to be around her eventually, but it was going to take some time to get there.

They returned without Nessie exactly three hours later. Their response was exactly what Alice had expected. Our job in their eyes was to protect Nessie, as if she was a part of our family.

Nessie returned in the early evening, in tears, missing her mother deeply. She had no idea when or if she would see her again. I felt bad for the girl. She was going through a lot. Alice tried to encourage me to talk to her, to help her deal with it but it was more than I could handle. I snapped at Alice and forced her from my room. Jasper was not happy with me but reluctantly understood, feeling the emotions coming from me. He gently told Alice that she was going to have to back off. Alice immediately declared a desire to go hunting and Jasper cheerfully left with her. It was an obvious cover to get some time away from the house and me but I couldn't bring myself to care.

The next day, Marie came to the house very briefly just to say goodbye to her daughter. She never said a word in range of the house or took her hood off. I heard Emmett ask Nessie, "What's with your mom and the hood, kiddo?"

Nessie's heart sped up and her breathing hitched before she blatantly lied, "Emmett, she is a very private person. She's been hurt – severely. She doesn't trust many people to even know what she looks like. It's not personal."

Instantly, I knew the girl was lying. She began to guard her thoughts even more closely. I knew it was a lie and yet I couldn't care. She had her reasons, her mother had her reasons – it was none of our business.

An hour later, Jacob Black's thoughts became loud and clear. He had been sent to discuss treaty information because we were leaving the area. It was a formality, but the treaty forced us to meet every time we came back and left. Sam had sent Jacob, not willing to be bothered with it, having a wedding to plan and a fiancée to please. Nessie answered the door and for Jacob everything stopped. I felt the moment everything else in his world ceased to matter and she became the center of his universe. Nessie remained oblivious and an unfamiliar sound escaped my lips. Esme ducked her head in and I realized that for the first time in forever, I had laughed. Esme questioned me in her thoughts and I shook my head, knowing Jacob was not quite ready to tell this girl what had just happened.

I walked down the stairs slowly, smirking at Jacob smugly as I looked at him. He had been in love with Bella. She had never given him the time of day of course, but now his whole life had shifted and this little hybrid girl had become the center of his universe. I looked at Jacob and said, "You're going to have to tell her sooner or later. Might as well get it over with mutt."

Jacob's eyes narrowed and he glared at me before turning to Nessie and saying, "I think we need to talk. It's important."

Nessie looked at me with confusion and at Jacob with distrust. She had grown up with a healthy fear of werewolves instilled by her 'uncle' Caius. I looked back at her and said, "Nessie, he won't hurt you. Trust me on this one."

I was the only one who had caught the exchange and went to find Carlisle. We had just adopted a puppy. A big overgrown love-sick puppy. At least Jacob was good for a momentary distraction. I could already see Rosalie buying him food bowls. This was going to get very interesting. I needed interesting. Anything to keep me from thinking about Bella and what might have been.


End file.
